Are you married to the love of your life?

[GoldenGirl85]

There’s been lots of discussion around whether men actually marry the women they love or whether they marry the person who‘s in the picture when they’re ready to marry/good for marriage and I wanted to see if it’s the same for women.

How many of us would actually say we’re married to the love of their lives? Or maybe you don’t believe in the love of your life but you are deeply in love with the person you’ve married.

I’ll go first. I’m happily married but my husband is not the loml. I’ve had two great loves but neither of them would have been good for marriage. The first one, cheated relentlessly but other than that major flaw our relationship was wonderful and the second, we would have had serious financial issues. This guy was always investing in some get rich quick scheme and never wanted to work a proper job. He was lots of fun but could never offer stability.

Absolutely. I didn't get married until I was 51 and had previously had a few proposals but none of them felt right.

Definitely 30 years married this year - 32 together - 4 children and I still melt when I look at him. I see the 26 year old man I met every time I look at his face.

In my experience, the people (usually women) who talk most about how marvellous their marriage/partner/life is, are usually the ones with the least to brag about.

No but my wife would probably answer yes.

I had one previous partner who I was more in love with and was heartbroken when it ended. I think I opted for a safe option. I feel bad about it to be honest.

I don’t believe in soulmates or anything like that but I do remember feeling like DH was special when I first met him. I found out later that he “called dibs” on me like the romantic he is. 🙄 We didn’t start dating for another 4 months. We’ve now been together 13 years, married nearly 8 and have 3 kids.

I can honestly say I never loved anyone in the same way I love him. Had two people before who I thought were relationship/marriage material. One I dated for 2.5 years from 16yo. He turned out to be emotionally manipulative and I couldn’t wait to escape. The other was never really my partner - I was the other woman and I am not proud of that. I gave him an ultimatum of me or her and he chose her. Glad that one ended!

DH makes me feel safe and loved. If he’s not my soulmate, it’s as close as it can be.

I married who I thought was the love of my life, unfortunately he married the person who was most convenient. Selfish twat.

My husband is most definitely the love of my life. Didn’t believe in soulmates until I met him and now I do because it feels like we were meant to be.

I was going to say exactly that! I never go on about my DH and how happy I am. in my previous LTR it was all I would talk about even though we had a very toxic relationship. Maybe it's a self defence thing?

Yes I did. We met at 16 still together very happy now at 60.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, but glad you had those happy years together.

My husband & I are currently dealing with his cancer battle, so I have a little knowledge of the pain & stress cancer causes.

I wish you well....

I don't know, because how can I judge until the end of my life?
I've been married for 32 years today, and we are happy, close and have a lovely life together. But all that can change in a heartbeat. None of us as promised a long life, and my husband is substantially older than me, so I may well have a long time to think about this!

Yes, but it depends what you mean by "the love of my life."

I don't have that swooning, butterflies thing going on. I had that for a psycho loser. Fun (and expensive) while it lasted, but I wouldn't fancy doing it again.

DH#2 is the most amazing person I can think of and is the only person in my life to have given me the experience of what it feels like to be truly loved, seen, and understood. We're very happy together.

This took half a century to perfect, though. DH#1 was a very different kettle of fish 🤣

I envy people who can walk straight into healthy relationships. I had a lot of self-unpicking to do, over the years. But where I am now makes me feel there's no such thing as a mistake, as long as you learn eventually! ❤️

Yes. Second marriage for us both and I feel so differently this time around.

Thank you, and a big hug to you both. It sucks, but you just have to take each day as it comes, and make the most of every moment.

It sucks, but at least we aren't living in Gaza or the Ukraine. I imagine there are people there going through it with bombs dropping around them. One has to be thankful for some things I suppose.

Yes!

I don’t really understand this concept of “love of your life”. Surely, if some dickhead cheated on you, he wasn’t the love of your life? 🥴 Do you just mean the relationship that was the biggest emotional rollercoaster? Or where you had the strongest feelings?

Anyway, to answer your question, yes, I would consider Dh the love of my life. I’ve had lots of very exciting, passionate relationships in my day. But never with anyone I love as much as Dh or who is as devoted to me as Dh has been for 18 years.

I assume he would say the same about me, though I’m not sure he was entirely ready for marriage when I came along. It was more that I said, I love you and you are the one and he said okay. 😂 I’m not sure he quite knew what he was getting into and I was really his first ever serious relationship. But he is good natured enough to go along with things that don’t obviously seem like a terrible idea, so here we are! But I know he loves me more than anyone, so I would think he’d feel the same.

He is the love of my life, but not necessarily the only man I could have loved for my whole life.

I am not a Disney Princess so this feels normal!

I agree with this. I only really talk about it in the context of threads like this.

I have a friend who is married to an absolute knob! A definite cock lodger! She posts every birthday/Christmas/anniversary that their love is forever and he is the best thing ever. “We’ve had our ups and downs but always make it through!” You mean you forgive him again and again because he books a weekend away or buys you a puppy after acting like a twat!

I'm married to the boy I fell in love with when I was in school. We have been together since we were 17 and married for 43 years. We're ticking down towards retirement now so I guess he must be the love of my life. We've had ups and downs but right now all the children have left home and we have no responsibilities other work (him) and study (me) we're like a pair of newlyweds so yes, he's the love of my life.

I'm very similar to you! I really love my DH, he's my best friend and I love my life together. But I've been deeply in love with somebody else who it wasn't practical to be in a relationship with (living on different continents for a start) and I've had way better sex with other people. I'm very happy with the stability and balance that I have

in hindsight I married the man that was there when the dancing stopped.

I settled.

was he the LoML? Never. I’ve had big loves. This was not it. But he was kind, stable and nothing like the cheating alphas with big egos I had usually favoured!

it has been great. It’s also been bad. Currently in a downward trend and I’m about to hit a significant bday milestone and kids are older. I am wondering if this is it.

not sure what I’m going to do about it tbh. As he has been getting very aggressive lately. With me and the kids. And very dismissive.

i don’t like him.

feels like this could be the end. like the beginning of the end was actually a while ago. After a million years of marriage perhaps this is not it.

Women don’t have to put up with this shit now. Ffs. I out earn him. However. This is also what keeps me quiet. I would resent paying £££ out to him. If that is what it came to. As he has not been the excellent hausfrau that this family has needed in my absence. Meaning we need an army of support so he can be mediocre. And in the meantime I still do everything and bear the mental load so the kids and I don’t suffer. Otherwise there would be no school uniforms nor shoes nor holidays booked.

I know this to be the case as despite DH not working for a few months, DS14 did not have any school shirts nor trousers that fit until I rectified the situation. I didn’t rectify it until Christmas. So a whole term DS muddled by with clothes that didn’t fit or were dirty. 1 pair of trousers and 1 shirt!!!!! I’ve no idea why DH couldn’t resolve it but I’m over it.
sorry for the rant!

Absolutely. He’s everything I could’ve asked for but probably wasn’t aware I needed when I met him. He’s so good, just thoroughly kind and dependable, the hardest worker I’ve ever met and the most loyal too. Plus he’s gorgeous.

Yes, wouldn't of married him if he wasn't.

I never loved any previous boyfriends, so love hit me hard. Nearly 20 years on and we’re still crackers about each other. I miss him the second he leaves the house and can’t wait till he comes home. I think about him all the time and he says the same about me. We know we’re very lucky.

I read some of the very sad threads on here and wish that everyone could find such happiness.

I’m so happy for you all answering yes. I’m not in that group-
married 14 years, 2 x complex needs kids broke us long ago as completely
different coping styles. We don’t like each other but we co-parent as can’t afford
to split and run 2 Homes with 2 sets of everything our kids needs and 2 cars for the regular hospital trips. It’s sad, but I’ve got bigger things to worry about I guess. But if I could go back to the 21 year old me on my wedding day I’d take her hand and run away with her.