Are you married to the love of your life?

[GoldenGirl85]

There’s been lots of discussion around whether men actually marry the women they love or whether they marry the person who‘s in the picture when they’re ready to marry/good for marriage and I wanted to see if it’s the same for women.

How many of us would actually say we’re married to the love of their lives? Or maybe you don’t believe in the love of your life but you are deeply in love with the person you’ve married.

I’ll go first. I’m happily married but my husband is not the loml. I’ve had two great loves but neither of them would have been good for marriage. The first one, cheated relentlessly but other than that major flaw our relationship was wonderful and the second, we would have had serious financial issues. This guy was always investing in some get rich quick scheme and never wanted to work a proper job. He was lots of fun but could never offer stability.

I know I’m the love of his life. He is not mine, but I’m happy for the most part with the choice I made.

Nope. Because there’s no such thing.

I’m married to “a” love of my life - but I’ve loved before, and I don’t think that just because those relationships ended they were meaningless.

This has been by far my longest relationship, and I still love him very much. But life is very long and I expect (hope) to live another 40 years and I’ve no idea how they will pan out.

No.
but he was when we married (around 12 years ago).

I will have to name change after this..!

there have been things that I overlooked and buried that have resurfaced for me recently that left me feeling like I dislike myself a lot for letting this happen to me).
We had the worst of times - death of a full term baby which left me practically suicidal at around the 6 month after the death (he reinvented himself and his career and became “positive” about life at the same time), a miscarriage he practically rejoiced over, and the two best bits 1) he’s so disengaged from our only living child (severely disabled) that I get heart palpitations when he comes home from stress and sadness and 2) after only 6 months of marriage he tried to throw me out of the house because he met and had a 10 minute conversation (I was actually there) with a woman he decided he fancied and she fancied him. Literally all true btw.
He didn’t defend me and allowed his brother to call me a liar when I was assaulted by a medical professional (he shut up when I took said person to court).
What breaks me is that during our over 20 years relationship I have tried (like I said I loved him very much, I think he never loved me) but he just figured he deserved attention, sex and love.
I know it’s definitely a big no no on MN to say you have an interest in anyone outside a marriage and I didn’t until I did (to be fair I didn’t realise I had any “feelings” just liked the guy until he died suddenly and I’m not stupid enough to think even those ideas were real if that makes sense)! So no I don’t think I am married to someone I’d call the love of my life and there’s zero chance I’d entertain any man after this!!!

Yes, I am. We moved in together after a very passionate, whirl wind romance and we are still together 30 years later. We have had our ups and downs, like everyone, but there has never been another man that could even compare to him in my eyes. His face is the one I always want to see. He still gives me butterflies and since the kids moved out, I feel like we are back to the early days of our relationship again! I am hoping for 30 more years together.

I am so sorry @FrightfulNightfull - oyu have been dreadfully abused, by him, and by life.

@krustykittens thank you! That’s sweet. Life is and has been very tough (your kind words actually made me teary)

I am sorry! I didn't mean to make you sad! I do wish I could give you a hug. Your H is a shit and I hope you meet someone who adores you. Personally, I wouldn't give a flying fuck if you are still married when it happens! x

Yes. Met at 21. Now been married over 10 years.

Yes

100% why marry someone who isn’t the love of your life. You only get to do this life once

I often think people mistake toxic relationships for great passionate love…..
I’m lucky to be married to my wonderful husband for 28 years. I love him deeply and we are very happy together and still really fancy each other. There also has never been any drama in our marriage which is priceless IMO

In the sense that we had an amazing relationship before I found out he cheated. I forgave and then found out he did it again.

but we had the most amazing conversations, he would make me laugh till it hurts every day, lots of excitement, he was gorgeous and very generous.

i hope that makes sense

This is lovely and really encouraging for my situation. I hope that we reach a point where we fall may in love with each other

No way near getting married

but, as it stands, I don’t imagine I’d marry for love. I’d marry for protection and security (and good sex 🤭)

I hear that but these relationships were toxic. The first one was great until the cheating became a repeated problem and the second was great until I realised I couldn’t marry someone who didn’t want to work a stable job, always chasing riches. Would spend all his earnings and savings on a whim. But despite that I feel they were great loves or links because we were happy, Dee conversations, lots of laughter, trying new experiences together. Really thoughtful guys.

for example, the sort to surprise you with your favourite snack, or you get a sports injury and they’re helping you with your recovery, visiting your family, helping your mum in the kitchen etc

Yes. I know I'm lucky. I have no doubt this is forever. Or for as long as either of us live.

So sorry for your loss 💔

@HappiestSleeping
Thats so sad. I hope you find happiness in life. You deserve it.

I am- as far as romantic relationships go. Sometimes I think I have him on a pedestal though which isn't very healthy especially as he has his faults just like anyone else. I was in a LTR with someone else when we met and I finished it immediately as I knew he was special. I felt that even if it didn't work out I would never regret having tried. I do think children changes things though- they are the real loves of my life and if I'd met him when I already had them with someone else nothing would have happened between us.

Yes. We met as teens, he's the only man I've ever been in love with.

No. But I love him and I’m happy.

The love of my life is happy with his wife, AFAIK. Delighted for him.

I've been married for nearly 30 years. The only man I ever lived with. The only man i had children with. I wouldn't marry again if anything happened to him. Does that mean he's the love of my life?

Or is love of your life an emotion rather than a life spent together? What does love of your life feel like?

I think my DH is the love of my life. I have loved other people before him but with hindsight I just think they were teen and early 20’s hormones and mad lust in play. None of my previous “loves” would’ve made me happy.

My DH is gorgeous, career driven, a great father and a very good husband. He’s away for a week and I’ve been as miserable as sin because I’ve got various shit shows on the go and he is my rock, my therapist, my Mr.Sensible and integrity compass. I miss him 😢

We have been together for 32 years 💕 Sometimes he is annoying (being perfect has its downsides) but then I look at the men I know and see that I’d have to be single if anything happened to us.

Ah yes, he’s perfection, he’s comfort, he’s safety and he’s peace. He’s part of me, without him I wouldn’t feel like a whole person for a very long time.

I don’t believe in love of lives or soulmates (Tim Minchin has an excellent song about this) and I am not married. But I am with a man who I love very much, who loves me and who is good fun and good company and who I like doing things with and doing nothing with. And that will do me.