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Original poster

Are you married to the love of your life?

201 replies

GoldenGirl85 · 04/02/2026 12:28

There’s been lots of discussion around whether men actually marry the women they love or whether they marry the person who‘s in the picture when they’re ready to marry/good for marriage and I wanted to see if it’s the same for women.

How many of us would actually say we’re married to the love of their lives? Or maybe you don’t believe in the love of your life but you are deeply in love with the person you’ve married.

I’ll go first. I’m happily married but my husband is not the loml. I’ve had two great loves but neither of them would have been good for marriage. The first one, cheated relentlessly but other than that major flaw our relationship was wonderful and the second, we would have had serious financial issues. This guy was always investing in some get rich quick scheme and never wanted to work a proper job. He was lots of fun but could never offer stability.

OP posts:
stargirl27 · 04/02/2026 14:09

yes, i adore him and he's my best friend (and vice versa) - i am so lucky

Gungeandroses · 04/02/2026 14:10

Rather unconventional here. And embarrassed because it's so silly. But I married my university boyfriend ages ago. We sort of bumbled along as a great team but we were never really that romantic or "connected".

Recently though, we had a huge heart to heart about our past, current life and relationship. And we have now fallen deeply in love with each other. The new communication and connection is amazing.

so the answer is yes! But if you asked me 10 years ago I would have laughed and said "not quite".

But 100% yes

I think it took us a while to grow up to be honest 🤣

FrankSinatraonToast · 04/02/2026 14:12

No. The love of my life lives hundreds of miles away and we can't be together for a whole host of reasons one of which is she's also a woman, we're both Catholics and have family commitments in our respective towns. I'm married to a man and I wouldn't say I'm unhappy as such but I'm not living the life I long to.

georgiaw · 04/02/2026 14:12

Yes. Feel very fortunate and he’s the best Dad to our children too.

zoemum2006 · 04/02/2026 14:12

I have no idea, LOML sounds a bit odd.

I have been with DH for 26 years (married for 20) and he's my absolute best friend, the smartest and kindest man I know.

Miranda65 · 04/02/2026 14:13

It's just a term used in romantic fiction. One might love a spouse very much but, let's face it, we meet our partners randomly and by chance. If things had been different, we could still have loved another spouse. There's more than one person in the world - probably many - that all of could have married happily.

BauhausOfEliott · 04/02/2026 14:14

We're not married but yeah, been with the love of my life for 23 years.

He's not the only man I've ever loved but he's certainly the man I've loved, and still love, more than anyone else. I think most people who get married or have lifelong relationships generally do, in fact, marry/choose the person they at least think is the love of their life.

I think it's usually if the relationship sours, they decide the person wasn't the love of their life at all.

WhereTheSpiritMeetsTheBones · 04/02/2026 14:22

No. I have realised he is not right for me, and when we met all those years ago, my ideas of love and relationships were so skewed I accepted many things I shouldn't. I need to go back to the drawing board, fix my standards and start afresh, but its easier said than done.

MTOandMe · 04/02/2026 14:23

No, I’m not married to the love of my life. The LOML fucked with my head and heart and to a lesser degree, I did the same to him, over years. We could finish each others sentences and we knew what the other was going to say before we’d even thought it. Towards the end love came hand in hand with hurt and we had to admit that love just isn’t enough.

I am however married to the person who makes me happier than anyone ever has and I him. We are good, with a good life, love and attraction and a level of respect that I never had before. That’s enough.

MajorProcrastination · 04/02/2026 14:24

I can't imagine being with anyone else. We were together when we were younger, then both moved away and had other relationships / flings / lovers (!) when we reconnected it felt right and I realised that's why no one else had really been the one. Because it was him all along.

boxofbuttons · 04/02/2026 14:28

I don't believe in a 'love of your life' or soulmates or there being one person who's uniquely perfect for you, but I do believe that a 'great love' is someone (a) you're compatible with in the ways that are important to you AND (b) who you're willing and keen to make it work with and make each others' lives better. So maybe - in the case of your post - men don't marry women who fit point (a) because they don't also have point (b)? I love my husband very much, we'd have been equally compatible whenever we met each other in our lives, but I happened to meet him at a time when I had (b) - I was ready and wanting to build a life with someone. If I'd met him ten years earlier he wouldn't have been my future husband because I wasn't in the place to commit to a long-term relationship - surely that's normal, not some indication that I (or men, as in your OP) are secretly evil or settling, it's just how it works.

MyMilchick · 04/02/2026 14:28

Absolutely, we're like peas and carrots 😍

boxofbuttons · 04/02/2026 14:29

Gungeandroses · 04/02/2026 14:10

Rather unconventional here. And embarrassed because it's so silly. But I married my university boyfriend ages ago. We sort of bumbled along as a great team but we were never really that romantic or "connected".

Recently though, we had a huge heart to heart about our past, current life and relationship. And we have now fallen deeply in love with each other. The new communication and connection is amazing.

so the answer is yes! But if you asked me 10 years ago I would have laughed and said "not quite".

But 100% yes

I think it took us a while to grow up to be honest 🤣

This is so nice :)

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 04/02/2026 14:34

No I’m not. My current boyfriend is very nice though. I’ve been with men in the past who I thought were the loves of my life but life with them was very chaotic.

I know a couple who dated then broke up for years and are now married, sadly she’s too old for kids now. But they are the LOTL.

Pentalagon · 04/02/2026 14:41

I think we met at the right time to appreciate each other and fall deeply in love. I had outgrown my bad boy phase but if I’d met him ten years before I’d have thought he was boring. He had a type too that I don’t conform too, and he probably wouldn’t have taken notice of me ten years before.

But neither of us were settling, just maturing, and lucky enough to both be single when we met, aligned in our values and heading in similar directions. We married quite quickly and have been together for 21 years. I love the bones of that man, and I’d absolutely consider him the love of my life

But there was someone I loved in the past who broke my heart. I can’t really imagine loving him now but younger me would probably be aghast at how things turned out, while older me is so grateful.

CocksBolingey · 04/02/2026 14:43

I most certainly am. I thought I'd been in love prior, but my god, meeting my now husband blew me away. He is the absolute love of my life and there would be no other for me if we were not together.

anon12345anon · 04/02/2026 14:43

I was, but he didn't feel the same Sad

momager1 · 04/02/2026 14:43

I am.. 25 years ago I met a single dad of two boys (mother in the picture every other weekend) I had a daughter that I had custody of, and due to violence against not only me..but her also, a judge stripped my ex husbands rights...meant no child support for me...but so much less stress. I married him...his boys (with the blessing of ex wife..) call me mom..she also calls her brothers mom...MOM.. and she has been so good to my daughter.. he adopted my 14 year old.. she is def his girl... and just spent 5 days with us in dominican republic where we live now. He has started to turn into a quiet OLD man at under 60..but still loves me..even when he does not show alot of it...I know he is the man I want to be with till we part with death.

alcoholfreelife · 04/02/2026 14:50

Sprinklesandsprinkles · 04/02/2026 13:56

I'm very similar to you! I really love my DH, he's my best friend and I love my life together. But I've been deeply in love with somebody else who it wasn't practical to be in a relationship with (living on different continents for a start) and I've had way better sex with other people. I'm very happy with the stability and balance that I have

Show quote history

This is me! The big love of my life would have made a terrible husband, I still think about him constantly and the connection we had but he was an absolutely awful human, my husband is a calming influence on me and I do love him and there’s no one else that I want to be married to but if I’m honest then no he’s not the love of my life, that title belongs to a man that didn’t and still doesn’t deserve it.

itsdisgusting · 04/02/2026 14:57

Yes.
Been together more than twenty years but still love the bones of him. Do we have a perfect marriage? Of course not but we turn up for each other always.
Appreciate I'm one of the lucky ones.

moderate · 04/02/2026 15:02

GoldenGirl85 · 04/02/2026 12:28

There’s been lots of discussion around whether men actually marry the women they love or whether they marry the person who‘s in the picture when they’re ready to marry/good for marriage and I wanted to see if it’s the same for women.

How many of us would actually say we’re married to the love of their lives? Or maybe you don’t believe in the love of your life but you are deeply in love with the person you’ve married.

I’ll go first. I’m happily married but my husband is not the loml. I’ve had two great loves but neither of them would have been good for marriage. The first one, cheated relentlessly but other than that major flaw our relationship was wonderful and the second, we would have had serious financial issues. This guy was always investing in some get rich quick scheme and never wanted to work a proper job. He was lots of fun but could never offer stability.

I’ve had two great loves ... The first one, cheated relentlessly

Sometimes I wonder whether we’re all talking past one another. I cannot fathom how “love” and “cheat relentlessly” can coexist.

moderate · 04/02/2026 15:12

I got together with my best friend thirty years ago.

She was not my first love, and I still wonder after the other and hope she found as much happiness as I have.

The love of your life is not some abstract counterfactual, but the person with whom you build every day.

Original poster
GoldenGirl85 · 04/02/2026 15:22

@WalkingWavy that’s really lovely to read. Glad that you’re happy x

OP posts:
Original poster
GoldenGirl85 · 04/02/2026 15:24

Rara12 · 04/02/2026 12:42

Yes!! Wouldn’t have it any other way!! Actually he’s saved as “[name] LOML” in my phone haha. Marriage (well, kids, financial stressors etc) is hard enough even with someone you absolutely adore and admire. Couldn’t imagine doing it with someone you were just “ok” with.
Interestingly DH definitely got with his ex at the time he felt he needed to settle down (and had one child) but their relationship was so bad that he called it off after about 4-5 years.
I guess otherwise neither of us would be with our LOMLs…

Ok so semi- proved the theory about men settling with the woman they’re with at the time they’re ready to settle down but then he got out of it.

OP posts: