Would you continue this relationship?

[EagerTaupePlayer]

I think I know what most posters will say but would like opinions. I’ll try and give as many details as possible without it being revealing.

Relationship relatively recent and I live in a different city from partner. Partner lives in a different city for work. Last week he got arrested for ABH. He apparently got into an argument with another bloke outside a pub that escalated. He apparently hit the bloke over the head with a metal pipe and bit him. He claims it was self-defence as the bloke went for him first. He also apparently resisted arrest and had to be brought to the ground by police and rear cuffed. No drugs or alcohol involved. He was the only one arrested, the other bloke was not although he (the victim) did have to go to hospital.

He was held in custody for 21 hours and has been released on pre charge conditional bail. He has to go back to the police station next month.

He claims that it was all self-defence and a response to him being hit first. I have never seen him be violent before so it was a big shock when he told me. My friends that I’ve spoken to in real life are a bit divided, some think that it could be dropped as he hasn’t been charged yet but he claims the victim is supporting prosecution.

WWYD?

How come he had a metal pipe in his hand if it was self defence? And biting? Really?

An absolute straight red card from me. He would be gone from my life immediately at even the merest hint of violence.

This is who he is.

Not a chance in hell.

"No drugs or alcohol involved"

According to who? Your partner? Sounds very unlikely given this happened outside a pub.

Definitely bin this one off.

How desperate are you for a relationship?

You've only been together a while and now you have evidence (proper police evidence) that he's a violent thug.

I'm not that desperate. But maybe you are?

First post nails it OP. There are so many alternative reactions to being ‘started on’. Using a weapon and biting (wtf!?) are very low down that list for any normal person. Sorry OP but for your own safety and sanity best to say bye to him now. If you can I’d do it from a distance as well. Does he know where you live? I’ve dated men like this in the past, trust me if they’re capable of that level of violence, it’s very highly possible they’ll use it against you one day. I know this from bitter experience.
please take care 💙

Run for the hills… 🚩

It would be utter madness to continue this. Weapons and biting is not defence it’s an attack, a very serious one.

You need to ask what you should do?

That's a huge lack of self worth sitting on your shoulders, OP

And, to add, if that is true (about the lack of drugs/booze involved), that almost makes it worse, right? As he can’t even claim he was completely out of it (not that that would make it ok either!, I hope you see what I mean).

Run! Getting into a fight is bad enough. That would be an immediate no for me. The addition of a weapon, biting and being arrested … Sounds like he can’t control his temper.

I think you know the answer to this. It’s not worth it. Raise your bar.

Agree with @BitOutOfPractice. Red card. Why take the risk? If it was a very lengthy stable and happy relationship and you were 100% certain it was completely out of character, I would perhaps give the benefit of the doubt as to the explanation of self defence (but only perhaps).

where on earth did the metal bar come from?

I would be giving him a very wide berth.

A metal pipe? Where do you just find a metal pipe for use in self defence. And also then biting.

He has most likely not told you the full story here OP. But isn't this info bad enough anyway?

Are you so lacking in self worth and common sense that you need to even ask this?? 🤯

Absolutely not. If someone went to hit him and he hit the back, I could live with that. He hit his victim with an implement across the head and bit them. That is not self-defense. Self-defence needs to be proportional and at the moment. Hiting someone in the head with a weapon isn't. Also, biting need ls to be a last resort, so if someone was holding you by the throat and you bit to get them to let go, that would be reasonable.

Has he got a police record? For violence or anything else? I'd be very wary. He might turn on you next! It sounds as though he was drunk? And where did the metal pipe come from? Too many red flags. Get rid!

Anyone with this lack of emotional regulation is not relationship material. He clearly can't control his anger. I can't think of a bigger red flag tbh.

🚩🚩🚩

Just no. Walk away from this one.

No - absolutely not and I would rather defrost my freezer with my tongue

The only reason for staying with this thug is if your bar is so low it’s subterranean

Instant dump and block

I’d be very careful leaving him. I’d Be doing a Clare’s law request and, based on the response to that, I’d be asking their advice how to exit safely.

Biting someone is so completely unhinged. I can’t believe you’re even considering this. A man with a temper like that could very well end up killing you.

Thank you everyone so far. I agree with what you have all said so far. Some of my friends were saying to wait and see as he hasn’t been charged yet let alone convicted and it might get dropped if I’ve not seen any violence (which I haven’t). So was posting this as a bit of a sanity check really! He says the bloke started shouting things at him so he shouted back and then the bloke approached him and tried to hit him so he grabbed the pipe off the floor and hit him and it escalated from there. He swears he was not drunk and was walking past the pub when it happened.

Only found out after he was released from custody and I asked him if he was alright as he hadn’t replied to me for a day. Obviously because he was in custody.