Partner forcing abortion. Broken

[omgno45]

Hello
please be kind I’m on the edge.

I have 3 children from previous relationship. (16,15,8)

with my current partner we have a 1 year old. All the kids are happy etc. I love being a mum. It’s my purpose.
my older 3 adore our 1 year old.

we’ve had an “accident” and I’m pregnant. About 5 weeks.
my partner has hit the roof. He’s told me if I keep it he’s not walking the path with me and he’s leaving me for good and will only see our son. He’s told me he can’t have sex with me anymore. He’s says I’m selfish to keep it and it’s all about me and he’s said I’m not well and need intervention because keeping it means I’m not thinking straight.

im so sad. I really really want it. He keeps asking babe you ordered abortion tablets yet etc he’s really pressuring me. Honestly what do I do. Any advice please I love him but I hate how he’s approaching me

He has no further choice in the matter, beyond how he reacts to his now pregnant partner.
It was always her choice, rape aside.
She always had the final say. She could have said no and stopped then whole thing , but she didn't.
.

If you abort because you're made to, your relationship won't survive anyway OP. If you want to keep it then keep it. Tell him he can bugger off if he's not happy.

This atmosphere isn't good for your other kids either

I can understand him not wanting 5 children when three aren’t his. I wouldn’t want that either. Unlike you, he doesn’t seem to think they are his purpose and joy. However one thing is clear: if he was this adamant on not wanting children he should have never tshrn any risks. He should have had a vasectomy or insisted on taking between you what is essentially 100% reliable contraception such as the pill backed up with a condom. As he did neither, he doesn’t get to dictate this. You can’t have a baby with him because he’s very clear it’s unwanted and he’ll be resentful enough that it will probably mark the end of your relationship. It’s a termination, an adoption or go it alone. He’s just stupid for allowing himself to even have ‘an accident’ situation that he won’t take responsibility for. That’s literally the risk of sex.

If a man doesn't want a baby, then it's his responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen.

He can't force an abortion. You can't force him to want or parent this child.

As he has made it very clear he is not up for another child and will leave you if you have one, your choice is really stark: do you want to be a single parent to 5? How much impact will this have on your existing children? How will that fifth child feel if in years to come they are the only one of his children with you who has with no contact with or relationship with their dad?

There could be endless debates about how he should have had a vasectomy or not had sex with you if he didn't want another baby and of course, he could have done that. But he didn't, and the reality is, you are pregnant with a child he does not want and has no intention of parenting. Arguing about what he or you should have done before now is pointless, a waste of energy.

that is true, especially if the woman is making it clear that she isn't taking any precautions, then he should be sensible enough to know she my be up to some underhand ricks.

Having looked at one of your recent threads, it is astounding that you are back with this man and sleeping with him again. Don't bring another child into this mess.

I’m sorry but in your shoes I’d recommend an abortion too. It doesn’t take a genius to see your previous posts. Why did you take him back and continue sleeping with him after what he put you through with your last baby? You need to leave him, work out if you want to be a single mum to 4 or 5 kids and work on your self confidence and worth.

Dors he believe that you deceived him by making him believe you were using contraception? Did you?

Because in that case, it would mean that you took a gamble on family life and it was a highly risky one. It failed and I wouldn't blame him at all from wanting to move away from you in this instance.

Desperately wanting another child and seeing your role in life to be a mum doesn't give a woman any right to become pregnant against the fathers wish.

If it is genuine true accident, one that appears quite convenient though, then I'm sorry you're left with that choice.

I love being a mum. It’s my purpose.

I mean tbh you were already a mum -to three, one being primary school age before you had any more with this bloke.

I’m not seeing anywhere that she was anything other than a willing sexual partner.
This is on both of them.

Hopefully but it shouldnt be a given. The teens wernt consulted on this baby were they? Older kids should not be expected to act like parents for a sibling they didnt ask for

I think you need to clarify the "accident"...

Your relationship is over.

The question is whether you want to be a single mum to four or five.

I have just googled mumsnet and the user name, I can't believe she has gone back to him let alone thinking of wanting him to parent this baby with her. I would run.

If you go through with it,you're going to end up resenting him and the relationship is done anyway. Do what's right for YOU,not him. YOU.

Were you both taking responsibility for contraception?

He sounds awful, but could you be a single mum to 5? How will you navigate him only seeing one of the DC?

This was me when I got pregnant with my
5 th.
I got constantly nagged at to have an abortion and even when I was driving along a tricky road or roundabout he would choose that time to start on me.

I refused point blank and said to him you will need to leave then but I'm not getting rid of it.

My outcome was I had the baby, a lovely girl and he stayed.

It's totally up to you,it's your body,your life .

Why hasn’t he had a vasectomy? If he really didn’t want to father any more children, he would have done that. If he is not sterilised, and knowingly fertile, why is he putting pressure for an abortion after he has made someone pregnant.

As for saying he would only see the first child if you had another baby. Well, what a prince.

I hope this man is getting his reproductive organs sterilised as we speak. Otherwise, what a hypocritical arsehole. He is moaning about how upsetting it is for him to be going around still siring children. He won’t pay the price though.

Why are you still with this man? Why are you letting him near DC that aren't his?

I have to add that he never,ever took responsibility for contraception so I didn't see why all the blame should be on me.
Plus, we had fertility issues and I had personal and clomiphene for the first 3.
My 4yh and 5th were both. " accidents,"

Sorry ,not personal, Pergonal

I kept a baby that my partner forced me to abort. I nearly went through with it at 16 weeks, I’m so glad I didn’t. He’s 15 months now. I had a thread on here about it, search raffathegaffa

What kind of “accident?”

No, he absolutely cannot force you to have an abortion.

Do you have any real life support?