Partner forcing abortion. Broken

[omgno45]

Hello
please be kind I’m on the edge.

I have 3 children from previous relationship. (16,15,8)

with my current partner we have a 1 year old. All the kids are happy etc. I love being a mum. It’s my purpose.
my older 3 adore our 1 year old.

we’ve had an “accident” and I’m pregnant. About 5 weeks.
my partner has hit the roof. He’s told me if I keep it he’s not walking the path with me and he’s leaving me for good and will only see our son. He’s told me he can’t have sex with me anymore. He’s says I’m selfish to keep it and it’s all about me and he’s said I’m not well and need intervention because keeping it means I’m not thinking straight.

im so sad. I really really want it. He keeps asking babe you ordered abortion tablets yet etc he’s really pressuring me. Honestly what do I do. Any advice please I love him but I hate how he’s approaching me

You're entitled to say you want to keep the child

He's entitled to say he doesn't.

Whilst I accept you're very distressed, I think your title is misleading to a point. He's not forcing you to have an abortion, he's making you make a choice you don't want to make.

I am a little concerned with some of the phrasing in your OP which does make it seem that this pregnancy isn't as unexpected for you as it is for him. If that's the case, you have taken away his choice in that situation, although I could be welll off base here.

Either way, it seems like your relationship is over. You just need to determine if that is you as a mum of four or a mum of five. Take care x

K

Whether you maintain your pregnancy or abort it, I think you have to consider that your relationship is over, regardless. He's not the man you thought he was.

i would be v interested to hear his side of the story

Did you know he didn’t want to have any more children ?
Were you both equally responsible for family planning and contraception and on the same page about it all?

Even though you feel it’s your purpose in life to keep having babies, the very serious and urgent question I would now be asking myself OP is, how can I afford to house, feed and care for four children, maybe five, meeting all their needs alone as a single mum.

Once you have done a very honest and comprehensive spread sheet of income and outgoings, you might be in a better place to make a decision.

You could have uni for 2 to pay for + childminding costs

Whilst not impossible it is highly unlikely!

Whilst OPs 'partner' is a spectacular dickhead so is OP to some extent. She knew he was an epic tosser and had already left him once before going back and 'accidentally' getting pregnant.

I don't think anyone comes out of this sorry tale covered in glory. I feel sorry for the kids living through this shit show...the adults need to grow up and stop making poor decisions.

I love the way most pp are saying ‘Yay! Go for it and have the lovely new baby’ without a clue as to the op’s finances/employment/housing situation.

Can you afford another child, do you have space for any more or are you overcrowded already etc?
Whilst he’s saying it in an awful way if you’re already struggling for space, time and money an extra child could put your others in an even worse situation and it is important to think of all the children.
Its great that being a mum feels like your purpose, I would have loved to have more children but financially and space wise it would be to the detriment of our other children.
Our youngest was a surprise, but a good surprise, but we made sure that there would be no more after.
Is your Partner thinking you’ve pretended to be on contraception and haven’t been taking it, it’s quite an extreme reaction to have.
Either way he doesn’t sound like he’s someone to deal with things calmly and talk through so I would reconsider the relationship based on that as well as your current situation

@omgno45 having now read some of your previous posts, you really need to put your big girl pants on because, at this point, you're failing yourself and your existing children.

On your previous posts you state some fairly awful things about this man and not only have you gone back to him, but you're trying to bring another innocent into this shitstorm of a situation. Just stop.

Whether you decide to keep this baby or not really isn't the key issue at this point. You need to sort yourself out, get some therapy and be okay being by yourself. This relationship needs to be over and needed to be over well before you "accidentally" got pregnant.

You don't love this man and he doesn't love you. Stop subjecting your children to this situation. You need to start providing a better example of how a relationship should be for those kids - this isn't it

Given the ages of your oldest 2 you won't feel like a single mum to five "needy children". Within a couple of years or so youd feel more like a mum of 3. Obviously young people their age need your love and guidance etc but they are also often more use with day to day logistics than a man, especially a twat like you've described. Maybe you should try to imagine both scenarios and think how you'd feel - stick with 4 kids, get rid of no 5, stay with this man. OR be without this man, looking forward to the arrival of no 5. Which causes the biggest regret? Losing THIS man, or losing baby no 5? Would the relationship be worth continuing in your eyes if you were living in the aftermath of a termination you didn't want? If it then ended you would have aborted the child for nothing. I don't think he can legally refuse to pay child support for both, btw. I'd like to think there's a nicer man out there for you, in the future. It sounds like you've raised very nice older kids, btw! All the best xx

Accident or not - if your partner didn't want another child he should have taken active steps to ensure that it couldn't happen either by using condoms or having a vasectomy. The fact that you are pregnant means either you were not using contraception effectively or were playing with fire every time you got together. But too late for all that now - some hard decisions need to be made now. Wishing you luck.

I've just looked at your previous posts? You said you were split up, how on earth are you still with this person?
He is a total arsehole

Seriously - how? why?

He cannot 'force' you he is just abusing you and frankly he is an arsehole you'd be better off without.

You are the one that has to live with yourself forever afterwards do not let a man (who can leave at any point anyway) change you by rolling over and doing stuff you do not want.

You were split at the end of Nov and still split at Christmas.

you need to stay split. Whatever you do about the baby he is not a good man.

And I’m sorry but “accident” like that says to me it wasn’t actually an accident.

What do you mean an 'accident'? As in contraception failed? Or you purposefully became pregnant? Had you discussed having another child? If so, what was decided? If you hadn't, why not?

My opinion is dependent on the answers above. Your husband is telling you loud and clear that he's not interested in having another child. The way he's gone about it, is utterly disgusting though.

You can't force your husband to want this baby or to take part in the baby's life. So therefore if you continue with the pregnancy, this will be the end of your marriage, and you will be parenting 5 children solo.

Equally your husband can't force you to have an abortion. If you do have an abortion, and you really didn't want one, then you are going to resent your husband. Resentment will build to such a degree, it will likely destroy your marriage. So you will be solo parenting 4 children.

If your husband was concerned about pregnancy and really didn't want more children, then he should have had a vasectomy after your 1st child was born. Having sex, even using contraception, isn't 100% safe - there's always a possibility of pregnancy.

While his wording is not on, I see his point. Another child is not a good idea. While you might love being a mum, it doesn’t mean that outweighs everything else.

I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with some one like this. And if you do have this kid, he’s going to make things difficult.

Brutal opinion: have the abortion. Dump him. Focus on your current children. X

He's not a husband, he was an ex last month, and OP did a Clares law which turned up something about guns

This is what I'm wondering. Somthings not right about it all. OP saying it was an "accident" is telling

I feel sorry for the man tbh. I'm a woman with two children, a boy and a girl and I'd be really upset if my DS was being forced into having a baby he didn't want,

OP - you’ve made several threads about this man (and previously he was an ex) and quite frankly you need to seriously consider whether you want your bring another child into your abusive relationship.

From your previous threads, he’s not a partner he’s a nasty abusive lying cheating piece of human shit.

In your shoes I’d be getting as far away from the cunt as humanly possible and removing your poor kids from this shitshow

Your son needs to not ejaculate into a womans vagina unprotected then if he doesnt want kids, and then she can't 'force' him by exercising her own human rights to decide what happens with her own body.
Telling that you didnt mention how upset youd be if a man was trying to force your daughter into an abortion she didn't want though.

Sad situation. But do you want to be a single parent to 5 kids?

Whats the household income?

Is it fair on the 4 you have already?

In your shoes OP, having similar experiences, I would terminate , and end your relationship with this arsehole. Its hard enough as a single parent without adding to it x

What was the 'accident'? How did it happen?