Partner forcing abortion. Broken

[omgno45]

Hello
please be kind I’m on the edge.

I have 3 children from previous relationship. (16,15,8)

with my current partner we have a 1 year old. All the kids are happy etc. I love being a mum. It’s my purpose.
my older 3 adore our 1 year old.

we’ve had an “accident” and I’m pregnant. About 5 weeks.
my partner has hit the roof. He’s told me if I keep it he’s not walking the path with me and he’s leaving me for good and will only see our son. He’s told me he can’t have sex with me anymore. He’s says I’m selfish to keep it and it’s all about me and he’s said I’m not well and need intervention because keeping it means I’m not thinking straight.

im so sad. I really really want it. He keeps asking babe you ordered abortion tablets yet etc he’s really pressuring me. Honestly what do I do. Any advice please I love him but I hate how he’s approaching me

Partner sounds appalling it's a given he shouldn't be around the older children as his abuse is harming them.
I worry about your hopes for your existing children ...how will you support their dreams and ambitions? You surely would have to be very well off to support 5 children in this changing and difficult world?

Seems she didn’t either…

Yes, because that's what he wants.
He's not wrong for not wanting another child.

I think it's all irrelevant anyway because the @omgno45 is unlikely to take anyone's advice as she is clearly in an abusive relationship. She has numerous threads where she calls him out for various things and apparently left him for 10+ weeks but is now magically saying she loves him and is pregnant by him (despite being apparently single and on her own quite close to the conception date).

@omgno45 Why is accident in quote marks? Were you trying to get pregnant but he thought you were on contraception?

I think you've both been idiots, frankly. 4 children between you and you allowed this accident to happen. I suspect he thinks you did it deliberately. And I have to say, I am of this mind too, because you love being a mum and don't have to combine it with work. However I also think he was a prat for not doing anything to prevent pregnancy either. IMO no bloke gets a get out of jail free card for a pregnancy unless it's a vasectomy failure.

Ultimately, I think you have to do what is best for you. If you want the baby, have it. But you have to do that knowing you will be bringing up 5 children alone.

And she didn’t take precautions either by the looks of it.
They were both clearly on the same page at conception and lack of contraception …but if there’s no joint agreement on parenthood then imo it’s not fair to force that on someone.

OP, you are a lovely mum, and congratulations on your pregnancy.Ignore the critics of larger families, your children are lucky to have you.He sounds vile.Please be aware that, contrary to the horrible comments from women on here that he isn't pushing abortion pills down your throat, that there was a recent conviction for a man who slipped abortion pills into his girlfriend's drink, he was imprisoned for ten years.Please take care, there's lots of support for you here.

Whatever happens, he is not your partner.

So your choice now is single parent of 4 or 5?
You sound like you want to keep baby 5, and thats fine. You know how hard its going to be, but you got this! You can do it

Do you have a job, OP? Who is supporting all these kids?

Maybe your purpose should be finding a job.

Your relationship is over either way. He’s pressuring you and that isn’t right.
so now consider whether you’re happy to be a single parent to a one year old AND a newborn, plus your older kids. Do you have support from your wider family? Make the right decision for yourself and your children, don’t even think about him. 5 weeks is really early, you have time 💐

Well the relationship is over, regardless of what you decide with this pregnancy. I think you need to make any decision going forward based on what is best for the 4 children you already have OP.

im so sad. I really really want it.
you had the final say in whether a pregnancy was possible. The woman always has the final say, rape aside.
if DP didn't want another child, obviously he should also have made sure enough precautions were in place.
If you were 'hoping' a pregnancy would result in this ( and it must have entered your head) what were your reasons? Has it ever been discussed with partner? Has partner's plan always been a long term relationship with you? These are important questions here that I don't see an answer to.

Exactly!

I don’t think it’s fair on a new baby born into this situation. He has said he doesn’t want another child but if you go ahead he will only see his 1 yrs son . So where does that leave the new child he doesn’t want . Is he going to parent your son but ignore the new child . How is that right .

Obviously you shouldn't have another baby with a man who, from reading previous threads, seems to hate his own existing child.

This is all good advice OP

The relationship is over.
Can you support 5 children alone? Is your employment secure and RL support network good?

The relationship would be over for me after this reaction , it's a choice to parent 5 kids single or 4 kids single.

Its not fine FFS, he's threatening to only see the first child, that goes beyond 'vocalising his opinion'. Why do people make excuses for such dickheads?

How was he fored to ejaculate in her vagina?

He can not force this decision on you. He can have an opinion but it is your body and therefore ultimately your decision

Regardless of what YOU decide i would not continue this relationship. He has shown true colours

You may love him
bit it doesn’t sound like he loves you

he should get a vesectomy

Im so sorry you are feeling so pressured by your DP,that must be really painful.
You seem to have decided you want to keep your unplanned pregnancy and im wondering if you have told your DP this,because if you have, i think him asking if you have ordered Abortion pill yet is truly abusive.
I hope you have support around you IRL both emotionally and practically .
Bottom line is you are both responsible for this unplanned pregnancy but yo decide what to do about it,then he decides what he will do.
If a man who conceived a baby with you and has a 1 yr old child with you doesnt want to stay with you if you decide to continue with unplanned pregnancy thats very painful and difficult.
If you terminate a pregnancy because this man wont stay with you if you dont and that isnt what you wanted to do, continuing a relationship with that man will be incredibly tough and it may cause long term difficulties.
Some independent counselling may help you with whatever you decide.
Good luck.

You cannot force an abortion... and you cannot force someone to want a child.

I didn't say you can, I was commenting on you and the other person claiming he's just 'expressing his opinion', which is utter bollocks.