Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

It might get a bit better next time...or not. What are your thoughts on feasibility of it all after last night?

@KaltenzahnI unfortunately need the daily messages. I wish I didn’t 🤦🏻‍♀️
The lack of confirmation would annoy me this early on.
I usually am happy to move to WhatsApp after a few days but had a bit of a scary experience the other day where me and my family were Facebook stalked and threats were made to share info with my family! He said it was done in jest I didn’t see this and it did scare me so I’ll be more cautious in future!

I need more irons too. Don’t have any at the minute and need some to get my mind away from Mr P. What apps are you using?
I prefer hinge but not getting many matches. Bumble I get loads of matches but barely any responses and when I do they are hard work and it engaging in conversation. Tinder, POF and Facebook dating I haven’t had anything that looks promising so haven’t bothered going back on them. I suppose it doesn’t hurt to get some matches and see wha messages I get 🤷‍♀️

Mr Sparx calmed down and accepted me saying I needed an evening in, so ok so far. We'll see. There are a couple of sticky things about him but he is an improvement on MrX (drives and is not showing skinflint signs, low bar I know!).

Don’t get me wrong it was still very enjoyable and I did get there eventually, it did just feel different, more transactional. Depending on how I feel this week about it and whether he wants to continue I probably will arrange another meet up given that this was the first meet up after only a week of us moving from dating to FWB but if I feel the same next time, I do need to decide if the enjoyment is worth feeling like this afterwards.

I've had a similar experience and I mentioned it to someone on here (I think @bluedabadeedabadoo )

Very yucky.

It sounds like your body understanding before your mind does x

Is this a police matter? There's nothing funny about it!

I don’t think so. I’ve unmatched on the app and he doesn’t have my number (It wasn’t even my number I shared it was a name who it seems we both knew and he found my family and me on social media that way) He can’t contact me on Facebook/ messenger and I’ve had nothing from family to suggest he has made contact with them. He could contact me at work if he really wanted to (I didn’t share work contact details but it would be easy to find me if he really wanted to) so I don’t think there is any ongoing risk but it has made me wary as to how much people can find out with very little information!

@bluedabadeedabadoo if you felt emotionally drained afterwards then it doesn't sound like it's working for you. FWB should be easy and fun and only works if you're both on the same page.

I've been on Tinder, Hinge and Bumble at various points. Tinder you scroll through a hell of a lot of crappy low effort profiles but there are a few good ones mixed in, it's definitely a numbers game. I'll only reply to people who send an interesting or personalised message (eg not just "hey you're hot") and anyone who hasn't messaged within the first few days gets unmatched. I do message first if they've got an interesting bio or a photo that gives me a conversation starter. Bumble I hate. I get the impression that men on bumble just match with everyone and only look at your profile when you message them, so I'm not on that anymore. Hinge is the best of a bad bunch but I've taken a break because it's absolutely rammed with men from my work 😅

MrX is on tinder. I died a thousand deaths when I read his profile.
"Driven and ambitious"

Because it's a cliche or because it's bullshit? 😂

Hahahaha

imagine if everyone told the truth it would be hilarious

my ex: “I have a female best friend. She is non- negotiable and will always be more important to me than you . We do occasionally partake in some BDSM but this is not cheating “

my exh “ yes I sometimes drink a bottle of red wine at 7am but everyone does that right? … right?!!?!”

😂

@TheThingOnTheIce so funny.

MrX. I have a Tom Baker scarf.
Excellent at killing time on my phone — especially in restaurants you’re paying for. Big fan of TV, Costa and Greggs. Avoidant attacher. Seeking someone low-maintenance, and unfazed by celibacy, questionable hygiene, and frequent dramatic exits.

Thanks. I can’t work out why I feel like this. It definitely isn’t about him and my feelings for him, so I thought we were on the same page but it’s possibly about me as a person and what my body needs. I need to have a think about it over the next few days I think.

I have had a very impromptu date with someone who I’ve matched with just today who lives local. Our children are in the same year at school which isn’t ideal. Mr SA I’ll call him. Went fine, seems perfectly nice but I didn’t feel any attraction to him 🤷‍♀️

Went on a first date today, I enjoyed his company but he was quite camp and shorter than I was expecting. Deffo wasn’t getting huge attraction vibes.

Get home to some nice messages about how much he liked me and my company and then this:
” I was actually going to lean in for a cheeky kiss goodbye before we left but didn’t want to make you feel awkward X”

ahhhh I don’t know why but when men say shit like this it makes me icky! Surely it takes two parties to want to kiss?! Or just be a man about it and try to kiss me… but don’t talk about it after!

Or maybe I just don’t like him, because if he did, this wouldn’t bother me.

@happywithmycat I expect you're right, but if you're not feeling it, you'renot feeling it 🙂

@happywithmycat someone I've had a couple of dates with us also very camp! But tall. Not sure how I feel about it either.

Fireman reared his head while I was out with Boat Man the other night wanting to see me. Stupid me replied and guess what... Nada. Shame because he was good fun in bed but gonna have to throw this one back.

@happywithmycat
That would totally give me the ick too. I think it’s the lack of confidence and the fact he referred to it as a “cheeky” kiss 🤮

I think that’s it @BoxOfCats!
I haven’t replied 🫣

Is "cheeky" just stuck-in-the-90s phrasing?

Don't know his age.

@NosdacariadHe’s mid 40s
maybe an age thing?! But not something I’d say… it just feels really immature!

(Maybe I’m just a hard faced battle axe destined to die with my cat 🤣)

@happywithmycatI had a date years ago and he showed up 10 years older and a foot shorter than I expected . He creeped me out and then afterwards sent that exact message you got . It turned my stomach .
however I think if I got that message from someone I was interested in I would have felt different

I liked him I don’t think it would bother me. If I felt the ick about a ‘kiss’ anyway then yes it would give me the ick.

I can’t believe the audacity of Fireman. What did he say?

Any grown man using the word ‘cheeky’ would definitely go on my ick list which tbf is longer than War & Peace these days.