Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I'd probably feel the same. I'd assume the date is off @Nosdacariad until further notice.

I did chat to someone once, we set the date and then he went AWOL for a week. Messaged me two days before we were due to meet with "hey, are we still on for Saturday". I just told him that since I haven't heard from him, I made other plans. Then blocked his number.

Don't follow up. He has information, he can follow up. If he contacts you the last minute, say you made other plans - even if your plans include crying into your cat. Next time (if there is the next time) he will know to firm up plans sooner.
Ain't nobody got time for flaky men.

I've done similar and since it's Thurs if I don't hear by the end of the evening I'll apply my rule to myself 😁

@bluedabadeedabadoo i think also if you dont chase, you look like you are busy and have a life rather than chasing him. Im the same, i want to plan, look nice etc but its also not sexy to be too available

@Nosdacariad I am the queen of being left on read! It's fucking infuriating. I've just decided to match their energy now.

Had a nice night with Boat Man BUT... man he's keen. Was talking about doing things around my flat and even asked me to go to Spain with him. Will have to have a calm down chat with him!

Also tmi but on Monday we slept together (drunk) and it was fantastic. Slept together last night (sober) and it was not. So yeah. Not sure what to do with that one!

That's a weird way round. Third time lucky?

Is he lovebomb-y?

Not strictly love bomb-y but definitely running ahead with himself. I'm 2 years out from a divorce and don't want anything with too much pressure.

Yeah third time will hopefully be a charm. Also I feel shallow but he's not the best dresser which annoyingly puts me off! Not my usual type physically but he does have a very lovely face.

Can't see the need for constant messaging between dates. If you've made plans and got the date sorted, no need to keep messaging otherwise there won't be anything to talk about on the date.

Messaging is an absolute chore, better to have an IRL conversation.

I guess we're all different and I appreciate an alernative view 🙂

Yes, and therefore it seems a bit silly that someone blocked someone because they didn't meet their expectations messaging wise (without even laying out the ground rules).

I think women block because they fear the ire of men (who often don't take kindly to a boundary).

I'm not here (as in 'here in dating') for teaching people the ground rules - I guess if there's no shared understanding of comms, there's no compatibility.

Agree. I can’t stand the daily ‘hi how you doing what you up to’ messages.
There's another thread where a woman says she’s just starting seeing someone and she sends him jokes, memes, links to Instagram, photos and songs and is worried he’s not good at responding. That would absolutely do my head in being sent that sort of thing.

Once a date been set and agreed I’d only expect a message to confirm it was on or if either of had something meaningful to say.

I only block when someone has offended me or pissed me off.

Thank you.
Yeah, I've been stalked before by online dates so I take no chances. My style may be brutal but that's how I save myself time and keep myself safe.
Also, it's a bit hard to define rules when we only exchanged three messages before he dropped off the face of the earth and only resurfaced over a week later.

Hi everyone, I was going to delete the app, but instead I changed my profile pic,and that set off a been a flurry of activity lol
no dates yet, but been working ,so little time, and weather been awful.
but now on a break for 10 days ,so maybe try and get one of em out on a date ,lol .
irons,I’m chatting too
mr rodeo, still lol, but I knew from the off it was just a friend.
mr specs, who hardly ever messages, but still there
mr django, got a good feel about this one
then last but not least..Mr Heart, early days , but vibe is good .

Last night, I encountered a scammer on Match. I'm very pleased with my response!
He began with a cut-and-pasted 'romantic' paragraph. Total love-bombing.
I told him he was a scammer, and he replied, saying I must be a very damaged woman with a damaged soul.
I thanked him for his concern, and asked him to pray for my soul! 😂

@ThunderThighs123
well done you
they are everywhere, I play an online music quiz, and they show up, but it easy to spot them as on checking profile they usually have just joined , they must think we are all stupid
take care out there .

So Evening all…. Now please don’t burn me alive…. Mr P txt this afternoon (I didn’t contact him, I’d actually left him on read since Monday!!) to ask if I’m still up for Friday (so made contact about 30 hours before we would met!. I called him out on not confirming and he stated he didn’t realise he hadn’t confirmed ( which is probably not true) and did apologise. So I’ve said I can still make it 🤦🏻‍♀️ (yes I know). Next time I’m definitely going to set a window in which he needs to confirm.
Don’t judge guys! I hadn’t had sex for 6 years before November and Mr P just leaves me wanting more 🤪

No judgement. We've all been there 😁

@bluedabadeedabadoo leaves you wanting more in a good way presumably 😉 no judgement here either 🙂

@librauk doing well, proud of you 😁

@ThunderThighs123 good job! 👼

I'm not going to block Mr Narnia but I am going to be unavailable tomorrow since I have not had a basic "hope she's ok" to my message Tuesday lunchtime saying I was in the town where he works with my aunt who was taken to hosp by ambulance.

I don't think that's an especially high expectation.

It did cross my mind that me being in the town where he works may have induced panic. That can only mean one thing - not single - though he assured me he is (he would, wouldn't he!).

Absolutely. The sexual chemistry is just something else.

I messaged Mr Narnia last night to say not heard, made other plans, hope all's well and...crickets.

Never mind. Mr Sparx tomorrow night.

I'm the same! I cannot stand perfunctory small talk, I hate when you've got a week between dates and there's a daily cycle of "How are you? How was work?" etc etc. Obviously if conversation flows naturally over text that's different, but I much prefer speaking in person and for the first few dates I wouldn't have an issue with limited messaging in between, as long as the next date was planned and not left vague/up in the air.Obviously if I've sent a message that needs a response I wouldn't be happy being ignored though!

Speaking of date plans being up in the air (smooth transition 😂) my most recent iron said he very much enjoyed our coffee and wants to take me out on a proper date. I said sure, where are we going and he then fucked off and I haven't heard from him for about two days. His replies are generally slow so it's nothing usual - he doesn't have notifications on the apps and asked me to move to WhatsApp before the first date but I won't swap numbers until I feel like it's going somewhere as I've had bad experiences in the past.

I'm irritated as I hate being in limbo. Will put him in the bin if he hasn't confirmed something by tonight!

I need to get a few more irons on the go. I naturally tend to only want to focus on the one person but that just doesn't seem to work with OLD, or at least it's not working for me! Might branch out to another app and see if the virtual change of scenery gives me a bit more motivation!

@Nosdacariad Mr Narnia sounds crap, in the bin where he belongs! Is Mr Sparx still being a bit full on or has he calmed down a bit?

Ugh. Got a DM from a bloke on Thursday asking me out following one of my comments on this thread. I just ignored it, then today saw the DM was "deleted at the users request". Did an advanced search out of curiosity and the same guy made a thread yesterday in which he says he's been married 20 years.

Morning guys. So Mr P came over last night as planned. As the first time as FWB opposed to dating it did feel different, although still very enjoyable. I struggled to get there (which I don’t usually) which I think took its toll on him 🤦🏻‍♀️) I’ve felt very achy and emotionally and physically drained since he left and feel quite numb. I’m struggling to process why I feel like this. It certainly isn’t about my feelings for him, possibly the struggle of keeping the intimacy and closeness so contained?