Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@PinkNeonSign and @bluedabadeedabadoo I think it must be difficult to be intimate again after a long gap so I’d be inclined to give them both a bit longer to see if it improves. If they’re affectionate and communicate then it’s probably worth seeing if it’s a blip.
If it goes on too long though I don’t think I’d hang around forever. I’ve not had this with guys in their 40’s but a couple a few years ago in their 50’s and it never worked so after giving them time I called it a day. It’s too important to be with someone you’re not compatible with.
Will see how Mr Engineer gets on this weekend, hopefully it’ll be ok and I won’t have to take my own advice!

MrX had this problem (late 50s) and took meds at the start then stopped...

I think it needs to be an early conversation 🙂 I could not live with a sexless relationship (different in a long marriage for unfixable medical reasons) but we're all different.

The only man I ever met through OLD that I felt attracted to unfortunately had untreatable ED due to having his prostate removed during cancer surgery.

Personally I can live without sex if I’m not in a relationship but I couldn’t on a one so we couldn’t go anywhere. I felt desperately sorry for him as his wife left him because of it - after 20+ years and 3 kids - and I hope o meets a woman who no longer wants PIV ax he was a really lovely and attractive man.

Yer I don’t want to be without PIV. Last night was good but I definitely dont want to be completely absent.

He sounds attentive and keen, give it another go but if it happens again and he doesn’t explain why, that would be a concern. I would worry about being with a man who can’t talk about that stuff, because I would wonder what other difficult emotional stuff he won’t be able to discuss further down the line?

I have dated two men in their fifties with issues like this - not ED but PE, and neither would discuss it!

@rubberduck68 I think PE is a bit less an issue but it's not a good sign they wouldn't talk about it x

My current squeeze has some ED issues, but is very open about it and takes the little blue pill and sex is fantastic!

There is hope, but only if they a) accept it b) will discuss it and c) are willing to do something about it - I’m pretty sure that sadly many men will fall at one of those hurdles…

Absolutely and there is now a daily version of the ED meds so timing isn't so crucial.

Evening All.
Interesting discussions over the last 24 hours and has got me thinking about my historical performance. 😬😬😬

Anyway, unrelated. I've started talking to someone, let's call her MsEye. We've had some interesting conversations over the last 24 hours and seem to be aligned on a few things.

Unprompted she mentioned quite early on in the conversations that she is still going through her divorce, it has been pretty rough and was cheated on for three years and has made her feel like it's all her fault.

I'm ultimately looking for a long term relationship so have a niggle in my mind that this may be too soon, so might not be the best to pursue further?

Thank you!

Only you can decide but I don't date recently single or separated but not divorced people. If I have the info that is.

My reason is that there's a non negligible chance they'll get back together and I wouldn't want to be in the middle of that.

@OptimisticFather my tuppence again! I dated a separated man a few years ago. His ex had left him for her married affair partner so a year later he went online/started dating. A few dates in, more drama because the affair partner decided not to leave his wife, so wife was left alone devastated, and now wanting husband back. It wasnt cut and dried though either they tried or she was moving away so he wouldn't see his kids much. And off he went, cancelled divorce proceedings to the horror of friends and family who had thought he was badly treated. We were only a few dates in and i wasnt super attracted but I actually thought he was quite lovely and decent and it signalled the end of my dating ventures for a few years because I couldn't believe it had happened. Since then ive avoided separated men like the plague!

I would be a bit wary too. My last relationship was with someone recently separated, he ultimately just had too much going on emotionally and he ended up breaking things off after 18 months stating that he’d gotten together with me too soon after splitting from his wife.

Didn’t stop him dating someone new 5 weeks later though, mind you…

Well Mr Nomad flew in a couple of days ago and was staying with me. Was nice to see him, the chemistry is still there but he definitely still doesn’t want a relationship. We went out for dinner, and he did some small building jobs on my house while I was at work which was great, given I hate DIY!

The elusive Mr Charismatic has been messaging consistently this week, and finally asked me on another date, which is Saturday. I will definitely be asking him more about what he wants. I think he does want a relationship but is not in any rush at all, hence going a couple of weeks between dates. Maybe not such a bad thing, but I think the chat will be very revealing.

@BoxOfCats glad you had a good time with Mr Nomad and good you got your DIY done.

How do you feel about the date with Mr C?

I've noticed the ED thing since I came back into the dating game. I thought it was just me 🤣

Think I'm officially ironless. Haven't spoken to the fireman in over a week or seen him for almost 2. Was due to meet someone Friday who was very keen but he seems to have gone AWOL, as so the rest of them.

Definitely getting fatigued with all this!

Pretty excited actually. I think I’ve come to the realisation that there isn’t any point hoping for more with Mr Nomad. I do genuinely care about him and enjoy spending time with him and the sex is great, but there is and always has been a shelf life because we don’t want the same things. I’m not sure when things will end but I’ve definitely let go of the idea that it might end up being long term.

Mr Charismatic - I genuinely find interesting, smart, attractive, and the chemistry is amazing. We have a lot more in common. My main hesitations are not really knowing for sure what he wants, and that he seems like someone who takes a while to let people in - just seems a little guarded emotionally. He’s been single for 5 years and I wonder if this is part of the reason why. So just approaching with caution, but optimistically.

@CleanShirt it's definitely not just you.
What's the most annoying thing about OLD? For me I think it's the drippiness about meeting.

@BoxOfCats MrC could be steady and cautious or avoidant and I guess only time will tell?

I’ve been separated from my ex for three years. The divorce is only going through now because neither of us rushed it. I’m fully healed and ready to move on — I wouldn’t get back with him even if he were the last person on earth 😆

I think your biggest question is, is she healed and ready to move on?

@Nosdacariad for me, it's making me realise I need to stop taking things at face value. If someone says "let's meet Friday" then inevitably cancels / ghosts it makes me sad - I need to get a little more cynical!

And who wants to be more cynical...

I know right. Might just throw my phone in the Thames and be done with it all!

Dating someone going through a divorce is tough. I always swerve those (with empathy, have been there) and seek someone who is out the other side. That you have not even met and she is sharing intimate details about him cheating on her and how that has made her feel is a bit of a red flag - trauma dumping early on could be a sign that she is not over it - again, said with empathy for her, but concern for you...

I hate that he used that as an excuse to break up, what a coward - use your words, sir.

Mr Nomad does sound like a good man, how nice of him to fix things in the house! I get he doesn't want a relationship, but he sounds like a nice person, so maybe keeper in a casual way? Good luck on Saturday with Mr Charismatic, what are you doing on your date?