Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Ew, no! Next

Yeah, that does sound odd…

Well, if she’s a teenager, she may be choosing not to have much interaction with him, unlike smaller children who may have to have more communication online from absent parents. He might just not know much about her life at all, which is sad. If the mother moved her away and the teenager doesn’t want to talk to him, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s his red flag.

Yer he then after imposed this did mention she is coming over for half of half term which made me feel better and evidences that he does see her in school holidays. I suppose he’s never lived with her since she was 1, always lived a distance away so would never have the same relationship as a child he co-parents but I feel better about knowing that he does actually see her.

What an odd thing to put on your profile!
If I have invited you on a date, I would like to pay. Simple!

This sounds positive - he’s defo involved/interested in her life if he’s seeing her in the holidays.

Still no word from Mr Soughdough who said he’d be in touch after Friday. Please stop me from texting him!

Don’t text! If he said he’d be in touch let him make the next move. I know it’s difficult!

@rubberduck68 as ChatGPT keeps reminding me - only text if you are prepared to hear nothing and be OK with it. Which means I actually never text while in the middle of emotional turmoil and, when time passes, I no longer care enough to remember to text anyway 😂
@TwistedWonder no, it's not just you. Although, I very much expect the guy to pay. The only time I offered to split the bill is when I was not interested in pursuing further dates. I am happy to split 50/50 when I am in a relationship with someone but not while dating. Would definitely put me off matching as well as all the "I don't want to drama guys".

This would be a red flag for me too. I don’t expect men to pay and am happy to pay half but seems unnecessary to put it on a profile and indicative of a penny pincher. I’ll be surprised if he gets many likes.

I wouldn't text. If he said he will be in touch, it's on him!

A question for those that use Hinge.

You can leave a note with your like. Does that make a significant difference if you swipe left or right? It shows interest, but it's hard sometimes thinking what to say that doesn't come across stupid...

Every time I received a message with a like on Hinge it confirmed I should decline. Cringy and often obscene. Adding too many flower and heart emoji’s afterwards made it even more sickening and a little bit desperate.

Well done for checking.

@TwistedWonder I agree.

Who texted last?

Ok I'm 12 miles down the road from MrX and I'm 99% sure he'd meet me if I asked.

He's awful, right? When I'm here I feel all the cosy vibes of the future I imagined we'd have.

Imagine how disappointed you’ll be in yourself for giving in when the issues are still there
or even worse, and this has happened to me, you give in and then he dumps you as he just wanted to have the upper hand and trash your ego

That’s exactly it though, it’s the future you imagined you’d have. Emphasis on the word imagine! It’s not the one you’ll get, and you know that or you wouldn’t be posting here 🙂
Stay strong!

I keep having to remind myself of this too.
i could have had such a good relationship and future with my most recent ex but in reality I was finding ruddy nipple clamps and used condoms (and the rest) whilst making myself ill over his female ‘best friend’ . It’s the potential im so upset over really. But the potential wasn’t real.

Thank you @TheThingOnTheIce and @BoxOfCats and also hugs @TheThingOnTheIce

I will refrain but it would help if I could get the tv on in my hotel room 😅

So I asked MsCamping out on a date, and she said yes. Turns out we are both child free this weekend, so we are going out for a casual drink tonight. So me fretting when to ask, wasn't really an issue!

Whilst I remain optimistic, what do people think the most respectful and kind way is to tell the other person that they are not interested? I find the entire dating process awkward and my own personal hell, and hate the idea of disappointing or hurting someone. I'm reminded of the episode in friends when Chandler is dating Rachel's boss... "Let's do this again sometime"

Reading some of the messages here, apparently not responding is one way to do it, but that's not me...

@Nosdacariad stay strong!

I’ve had occasions where there’s just been no follow up by either party after the date so that said it all. The last person I dated and didn’t want to progress, I told him that I didn’t feel the spark I was looking for. I’ve been let down by being told that we are looking for different things and that they don’t feel the emotional connection the were looking for 🤷‍♀️

If she is reasonable and pleasant and you just are not feeling it, it is kind to say something along the lines of had a great time/lovely to meet you but I don't think we're suited and wish you luck in OLD...

WELL DONE for asking👏

Doesn't make a difference to me. I swipe Right if I like the sound of them.

I also don't leave a note with my likes, but I also wonder if men will think that I've made no effort