Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Yep. OLD has made it too easy for people (mostly men) to pretend they want something meaningful but really they want easy sex.

The so called 3 date rule doesn’t help - I’ve seen it said many a time on here if you don’t have sex by date 3 then you’ve basically friendzoned and they’ll move on to the next one. But no one should feel pressure to have sex by an arbitrary time frame just up ‘prove’ you fancy them

I know I’m old but fuck it was do much easier in my day before the internet 😂

I wouldn't read too much into frequency of texting, some of the most awful men I've dated blew up my phone. Do not double text though, he should be telling you what time to meet him, if he doesn't, well then he doesn't get a date with lovely you.

I have friends who shagged their now husbands on the first date, please do not be hard on yourself about this - if a man really wants a relationship, early sex is not going to put him off!

Agree. My friend had sex on the bathroom floor with her DH at her 21st birthday party about an hour after he arrived as an uninvited guest - they’ve both just turned 60 and still together

I had five really lovely dates with a man last year who was such a nice guy. Disappeared. He had such loverly manners, that I even found myself wondering if he had fallen down a ravine (he was a rock climber) So I messaged him, asking if he was alright, and saying I was worried about him (I know, haha what a lunatic) and he replied, "just not feeling it, sorry." If you have to ask if they are stuck down a ravine, they are not stuck down a ravine 😂

I would say my happiest relationship was hot and heavy the day we met - but we had been 'friends' online for ages so i wasnt expecting it to go anywhere. But had i wanted it to go somewhere, id have held back. I do think you need the physical chemistry. Too many men just dont make real effort. I was just talking to a friend and asking where are the men of a certain age and he just said he works then goes home and watches TV. So im just at a real loss as to where you meet anyone out in the wild!

I've chatted to men like that befote

Me - so what do you do weekends and in your free time?

Them - nothing.

Me - what you don’t go out with friends or anything?

Them - well sometimes I go down the social club and play pool or watch football but that’s it!

No thanks mate - I would want a man who has his own life outside of being in a couple. And hardly likely to meet the woman of his dreams in the local working man’s dive

Third date with Mr Soughdough tonight. I am really nervous which means I like him. Urgggghhh. Whole wardrobe on bed and floor. Dinner in a casual restaurant. I've settled on black jeans, boots with a heel, a black silk shirt. Is that okay? It's not a very fancy place, but also not a pub?

Also, where are we on asking men if they are multi-dating on date 3? I kind of don't want a fourth date if he's seeing other women, but I know it's normal that he would be? I have been on other dates, but I would stop if we move to the fourth date. Thoughts?

@SUPerSaver721 if sleeping with him feels ok in retrospect then you didn't make a mistake there. I meant from your perspective x

@TwistedWonder amen on dating before the internet.

@rubberduck68 sounds elegant and lovely.

I have blocked Mr Wiggy and Mr Abacus is next.

Still the only uncomplicated one is Mr Sparx the bigot who got the boot for his homophobia.

Tomorrow would have been my wedding with Mr X. It also marks the end of his six months to "change". Nothing changed.

He emailed last week with a load of nonsense about not speaking to his sister. Not my 🎪not my 🐒🐒🐒

@Nosdacariad you don’t sound as though you’re in the mood for any of these time wasters. Get them blocked and on to the next xx

@Nosdacariad What happened with Mr Abacus? Just not forthcoming in wanting to meet up again?

Is anyone else who is spending Valentine’s Day alone planning on doing anything nice for it?

Mr Charismatic is away this weekend and Mr Nomad still abroad, so it’s looking like my plan is to eat ice cream on the sofa with the cat. Not that that’s a bad thing! 😄

He won't know if he's free next weekend until he has been house hunting this weekend (Make sense?!)

Eat cheese and biscuits in front of the fire 😁

I’m thinking to call all my single friends and go and celebrate singledom for a day…

7th consecutive Valentine’s Day I’ll spend alone and I’m happy to do so.

Hello all, I can’t believe how similar our experiences are… I have been messaging with Mr Nice, seem pretty much on ball and similar to me. Today we moved into phone call mode to organise meeting for a coffee tomorrow.… 10 minutes of him talking of him protecting his looks through exercise so I ended up saying, you know, I am no gym bunny, I may not be the person for you, which he replied that he hated gyms too but can I walk at least 10 miles? ( yes, but probably not for you). He went on to tell me that he is 30” waist and his weight. Being the arse I can be I told him I was heavier than him (I’m not) so no, it won’t work you know. He goes and looks again at my photos and says, it doesn’t matter, you don’t carry it near your face. 🤦🏻‍♀️.
Then he asks me if he had been too honest. Oh no, not all the problem it is ok to expect the same you value, problem is that I am an intellectual and this conversation is getting you a high score, no…

Defo not a bad thing!

Just got back from date with Mr Soughdough, and need advice: the date was very good, we couldn't stop talking, so much in common, but at the end of the date we walked for a bit and I said, "It's quite nice to walk, after being sat down for so long," which I felt was true, as I like a good walk. He then said, "Well, I am this way, I'll call you," and veered off to walk himself home leaving me on a busy city street on my own. I could not get a ride home, so ended up walking for 30 minute in the dark on may own. Now, this feels like the "should he pay for my meal" convo, as in I am a a grown up feminist woman capable of getting myself home, and yet, I am feeling upset. One GF said to me via text just now, "well if you wanted him to put you in a cab, you should have said," Discuss?

rubberduck68 Where did you meet? I feel like if you were in your usual town centre then it's not so bad... That said, I can't imagine doing that though, as the female, I can't imagine not saying 'Are you alright to get home?' because that's just me, I've said it to men before, at the end of the date, shows that you care? I walked one to the taxi rank when we met in my town & he didn't know where it was (even though the date didn't go well)

Yeah I'd not be impressed with that. Sorry that he did that. Seems very abrupt & unkind.

BoxOfCats I'll be with my kids doing nothing special, although I have told them there's nothing wrong with celebrating valentine's day if you'd like to, as they were telling me that their dad has been ranting about how it means nothing, you should love people all year round, & the best part, people who do celebrate it are stupid. Sucks the joy out of everything, that one.

@rubberduck68 that does seem a bit inconsiderate. He could’ve at least checked with you that you were ok to get home from there. Did he message to make sure you got back ok?

That does seem inconsiderate and like an abrupt ending. But yes we are all about independent women nowadays so maybe it’s hard for men to know what is polite and what is chauvinistic?

@rubberduck68 unless he was about to turn into a pumpkin it's rude.

MrX messaged again.

@rubberduck68 - seems an oddly abrupt way to end an evening tbh. I would have expected him to ask how I’m getting home at the very least.
it would make me wonder if he’s right for me tbh

Happy card selling day! I'm off to watch rugby shortly.

Had a few too many last night and reached out to the fireman, who has ignored me. Think I may have to delete him again!