Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I don’t know if I’d read too much into it. That’s just one of many possible signs that he’s interested and finds you attractive. So if he’s showing you interest in other ways I don’t think I’d worry about it this early on.

Yer wouldn’t read too much into it. Sometimes I am complimented, sometimes I’m not but on times I’m not I feel that they have demonstrated their attraction in other ways. Twice my docs have had compliments recently 🤣 whilst they are only docs, it’s nice that they are paying attention and showing that they like something about the choices you make.

Hi, newbie here, went back to OLD last week. What ever is wrong with Match these days? I might be getting old but good grief, have never seen so many men putting so little effort and so demanding…

First text: I like your profile, would you like to talk on WhatsApp?
— Erm, I prefer not to move to phone calls until I know people a bit better

Second: That’s ok, I must warn you, however, that I am a Meeter not a Writer, so if you only want to text that won’t work for me.
— I’m a Meeter as well, no point of building a relationship by phone or text, you don’t know until you meet in person.

No reply, signed in the next morning and still no reply, no reply after lunch either but he appeared to be signed in in both ocassions, so I assumed he was busy talking to someone else and forgot about it.

Logged in at night to find the following message: I saw you were logged in this morning, have you found someone else? If you have, let’s not waste my time or yours.
— I have been here for a week, not going to get attached to anyone I am still to meet but, thinking of that… you are almost an hour away from me and although in other times this wouldn’t be a problem, in my current circumstances probably it will so I wish you all the best and hope someone nice and lovely crosses your path soon.

The reply left me a bit cold, he mocked me! Obviously I blocked and unmatched and ghosting is the way forward for me from now. Every time I try to be nice I end up being put under a lot of pressure to give them a chance or they come with something nasty.

And why on Earth would I go out with someone who is dictating rules from the get go without any niceties. C’mon, make me laugh, appear normal and we will be having a coffee next weekend…

Then there was Mr Policeman who was talking about what fun it was dealing with crime, dead bodies and other details I don’t want to enter into. I don’t know if he was trying to impress me or shock me, he just disgusted me, he seemed to enjoy gore too much.

And then there was this lovely guy who made me laugh, talked about books, theatre, movies, families and thought about meeting for a coffee on the weekend… just for me to accidentally unmatch him when I was closing the app.

It is just not meant to be, is it? 🤣

I wouldn’t worry! I’ve probably been complimented more often than not on the few dates I’ve been on, but not sure it tells you much either way. I feel a lot of it depends on the personality of the guy.

I was treated very nicely on the last two dates I went on and he put a lot of thought and effort into them and I had a great time.
He was quite a shy nerdy guy and I think he found me attractive, but looking back he didn’t compliment my looks or outfits on either date but he was lovely.

But yeah I’m more concerned at how they treat me - actions speak louder than words.

I know a lot of charming guys can lay it on thick, but it doesn’t mean they actually value you or think you’re that gorgeous. It’s just them being smooth! And then some other men may be a bit less forthcoming with giving compliments at the start, even if they do see you as beautiful. I’d probably value a compliment more a few dates in when they got to know me better!

Ah that sucks @GrandmasCat . I think I’ve done that once or twice before. Like I’ve been carried away on an unmatching spree and unmatched a seemingly good one. 😂

I’ve had the same thing with a few men almost immediately asking for my WhatsApp and when I’ve said no, they’ve did the whole “I am here for dates, don’t want be penpals” shtick . And my counter point was - how exactly does moving the chat to WhatsApp ensure we don’t end up pen pals?

I started telling the pushy ones I didn’t swap numbers until after a first date and some disappeared. I actually don’t mind swapping numbers, but I reckon the ones who insist on it from the outset are collecting numbers for validation or because they’re married and find it is easier to cheat on WhatsApp 😏. Or because they feel more confident to be creepy on WhatsApp.

Thank you @Roslos , Like the term “unmatching spree” 😁

I was in Bumble last year, Talked to about 200 met over 15, went in second dates with 5 and liked one… who is still in touch but doesn’t like me 🤣

So this time, I am paying to be invisible, only to be seen by people I liked first, and still making a mess of it! But yes, I am unmatching like there was no tomorrow. I think deep down I’m giving up!

Welcome @GrandmasCat

@rubberduck68 I would not worry too much, I think men might worry about sounding sleazy/cheesy.

Mr Wiggy has rematched on Tinder. Do I unblock him on whatsapp?!

Just blocked someone who tried TWICE to have me arrange the time and place for our date. Lazy and not listening!

Thank you 🙂 @Nosdacariad

I agree, there is nothing less attractive than a man who cannot even organise a first date. They normally are the kind that are looking for a mum, a therapist or someone to fabricate a social life for them.

The other advantage of letting them to organise the first date is to find out about their standards, what kind of things they like or what kind of circles they move in. You miss that opportunity if you arrange the first date yourself. Having said that… one of my exes took me to a very nice restaurant the first time and showed up looking so elegant and lovely I melted… then we never went to another nice restaurant in years and although never scruffy, I never saw him wearing a jacket for dinner again… but then, he showed me he “cared” on that first date, which he continued to show all the time we were together.

…. but he still managed to organise the first date.

Ps. Don’t unblock MrW in WhatsApp until he has shown more initiative in Tinder (and he wasn’t unreasonable last time)

I've been lucky in that the few men I've had first dates with in OLD have arranged something.

4/5 bought me lunch (I offered to pay half and they all declined) and all behaved nicely.

I asked the time & place for our date and no reply. 24 hours later he had unmatched me.

We'd already arranged the day. Maybe he suddenly realised it was Valentines 😅

@Nosdacariad why does the fact it’s valentines make it so awkward?! I’ve got a third date on Saturday, I’ve already said no to afternoon tea on the basis it’s too formal, it costs too much for what it is and it’ll be even worse on Saturday with it being valentines. Cringe 😬

He may have unmatched you by mistake(as some of us tend to do but he had your number so there’s no excuse. No need to entertain him further 🙂

I blocked him on whatsapp when he unmatched me...

@LucyLoo1972 How are you doing?

ah thank you. honestly im really not doing well at all in any way, shape or form. I cant see a way out at all. no way forward.

So, so sorry to read this. If sharing on here would help at all, then we are here (either on here or start a new thread)

Just returned from the second date with Mr. Olympics. Had a nice time, held hands, kissed. Something in me definitely moved but I can't commit to anything until we have sex.
Still feeling Mr. AC-shaped dent in my heart which isn't helping. But, at least, it's not a gaping hole anymore.

Let's see what date nr 3 will bring.

But what I have noticed is that after doing shed loads of therapy and self-reflection, I seem to be choosing men better. I've been on dates with three different guys over the last four months and they all treat me well. Flowers, respectful gestures, follow through, consistency. Even if I have to keep looking, I'm finally enjoying the dating process. And all it took is setting boundaries from the start and ruthlessly dismissing men who show any hint of red flags.

Sounds great, Andsoitsover. Pleased for you!

@Andsoitsover you did the work and it's paying off.

Mr Abacus is out of the woodwork (disappeared when pushed to actually meet!)

Aaaand I've started looking to see if the fireman has messaged 😂 I really am my own worst enemy. I'm ill and feeling a bit sorry for myself tho.

I'm officially out of irons except for the younger chap who I had a drink with a few weeks ago. Might meet him again just for fun.

Curious, when you said he tried to have you arrange date and time, did he ask you what time you wanted to go out, and where? Mr Soughdough asked me out and offered to come to my neck of the woods (which he doesn't know well) and asked if there was anywhere decent I could suggest, he also asked me what time I would like to meet? Is that bad?

Oh no, if you have to ask and chase for that answer, hell no. Love it when the trash takes itself out.. next!

It’s not bad imo. I prefer choose the venue for the first date myself and not let the man tell me where he’s decided we’re going.

-As for the date/time well surely that’s a discussion to be had to suit both parties?

Valentines: Urggggghhh. So I am meeting Mr Soughdough Friday night. He suggested the day, asked me what time I'd prefer and what kind of food I like, BUT, he swerved Saturday. As it's only date number 3 should I worry about that? Obviously I have non single friends who are all bleating on about how he's not intentional if he's avoiding Valentines, but it is only date 3?