Sorry long rant post ahead not sure if this is the right thread for it but Just recently started OLD again and bloody hell just wanted to share do I attract some oddballs!
So I was talking to this guy for about 48 hours and all he wanted to talk about was the superbowl performance and his dance classes.
Fine it was fairly interesting but I wanted to dig a bit deeper and eventually asked what he was looking for on the app. His reply was “nothing, because you can’t find anything out of texting someone you don’t know on a dating app”. 🙄 he was taking things way too literally so I said let me rephrase, “ what kind of relationship are you hoping to get in real life from someone you meet on this app?”
He struggled to answer, despite saying on his opening message to me that he wanted to settle down and agreeing with my prompt about being an intentional dater.
Then he eventually said he wants a best friend he was madly attracted to, and to feel the same way as he did when he was a teen in love . I could see a bit of a red flag there as he seemed preoccupied with teen style highs and infatuation rather than describing a solid relationship.
I said to him about in my view love was a verb and choosing that person every day and it’s more than a feeling of infatuation. He didn’t really seem to get it so I asked him if he could please share any lessons he’s learned from his previous relationship or why any of them didn’t work out and he said he wasn’t willing to discuss that until he was comfortable.
I was like ok fair play, but I’d also noticed he hadn’t made any real attempt to ask about my availability to meet or even raise the idea of organising a coffee date so I didn’t see how this would progress.
There was some other stuff too like him saying he wanted an ambitious woman while earlier saying that he himself wasn’t ambitious anymore and only worked part time?!
He seemed nice but I just got a feeling about it and sent him a polite text saying it’s been lovely chatting past couple of days but I don’t think we are looking for the same thing. I wish you all the best.
He replied a few minutes later saying good because I was getting on his nerves, it wasn’t an interview so he wasn’t here for chats about his previous relationships. But if I must know his ex killed his first child and lost his second and used to beat him up. 😵💫😵💫
The whole thing sounds bonkers, if she “killed” his first child why was he around for a second child? And why tell me now after saying he wasn’t going to share about his exes and when I’ve said goodbye?
His whole tone had turned quite nasty while he delivered the trauma dump and I felt it was manipulative like maybe he was hoping I’d apologise?
But for me that last outburst was a parade of red flags. I could tell my gut had been right and this was an emotionally immature guy who wasn’t ready for a healthy relationship and probably thrived on drama.
Should’ve just unmatched without saying anything tbh which is what I usually do! Trying to shake it all off and continue but it has put me off OLD again.