Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

This is a great observation. Mr ICU even had the jokes and charm of a Chandler. From now on these guys who give it the "let's do it again, I'll call you," and then run away will be Chandlers in my head!

Now that Mr ICU has voted himself off the island, I'm out tonight with Mr Soughdough. He's been a Chatty Cathy online, and I've had to ward off the "good morning" vibes already (by ignoring them and replying later on) today they finally stopped, he's got the hint. Let's see what he brings IRL.

What's the quality of your dates like, is he still intentional and attentive in person? If IT stands for what he does for a job, he's on screens all day so might find it tiring, and doesn't feel the need to keep that up now that you are getting to know each other more IRL? Oneshyquail nailed it for me yesterday when they said that if men want something they will chase it, which I think sadly is quite true. Maybe as another OP said, mirror his texting, but look at how he is treating you in person. Do you feel good about yourself when you're together, confident?

I would match the energy, if they are interested and all in, they will want to know why you have changed. If it is intentional, he will just disappear. If you don't think you an handle that, ask him if everything is ok? He may give a straight answer, or still try and fade away without being truthful!!

Brilliant.

I'd love a man like Chandler, who makes me laugh!

Yes - about 100 times each episode 😂😂😂

It does seem a man thing. The other nightmare date I had where I paid the bill myself in full and almost ran out the door to escape, he texted me telling me what a great time he’d had and asking if he was what I’m looking for………errrr

Honestly I don’t know if any of them have mirrors at home because they are so quick to comment on our appearance despite the fact they resemble Rab C Nesbitt.

I’ve had a date turn up in a football shirt shorts and sliders, another wearing a suit and tie for an afternoon coffee date and others just looking like scruffs.

Onwards!

Urgh, I don’t understand the mentality. I met a guy at a fancy cocktail bar for a first date once (OLD, and his suggestion of venue). He turned up in shorts and a hoodie! Seriously what goes through their minds?!

I definitely swing the other way, and after I became single last year, I actually got a personal stylist to help me put together some “first date” outfits.

He’s really lovely and attentive on the dates which is what makes it so confusing. I am still getting messages so maybe I’m reading too much into it but the inconsistency is a head fuck. We are both very busy with kids, work etc so can’t see each other much which doesn’t help.

@BoxOfCats I'm here for the first date outfit chat. Care to share yours?
I'm stuck at indigo 501s a white shirt and boots (very much me but a bit smarter).

That's a great idea!
I always wear dresses so I have my daytime, then slightly nicer ones (these are the ones that I wear for dates/nice lunch with friends etc) then I have a couple of extra nice ones that are being saved for... I don't know

I love my ankle boots! I switch to those kind of slip on trainers in the summer, but I love getting back to my ankle boots
I again, have everyday ones, then a bit nicer ones (for dates etc)

My boots just fell apart after 9 years (rude) I'm fancying some chelsea boots. Any reccs?

I find the coffee/drink and a walk first dates quite hard to dress for, especially when it’s always raining and everywhere is muddy (I’m a northerner), I tend to go DMs, leather leggings, jumper and a coat but not my massive padded one I wear for the school
runs. I’ve got soaked more than once this winter so not altogether successful! Latest date was afternoon drinks, I wore dress, tights, wool coat, thought about smart boots but went for DMs, so glad I did cause we ended up walking for miles and running for ye train.

Does anyone else find more and more that you just can’t get everything you need from one person?
I’m having the best sex of my life with a man and we get on great, but he’s emotionally unavailable and too busy.
So I went on a date at the weekend with someone I’d been chatting to all week, I haven’t got on with someone that well in so long. Talking from morning until night. We met and got on great in person too. Flirting and chemistry. The sex was shit and he doesn’t kiss!!
All the men I’ve met in the last year have had something so great about them but lacking in other areas.
Sigh

I know what you mean, I've been lucky that all of my walk through the park type dates have fallen on dry/relatively mud free days! I have got a 'nice coat' a woollen one that I got for £5 from a charity shop, I wear that for dates instead of my big padded waterproof one.

Nosdacariad I just get cheap ones from Shoe zone (these are my current faves) I walk a tonne & am very heavy footed so even when I've had expensive ones they haven't lasted me more than a few months!

Yes, Disturbia81, I hear you. Perfect but... something that's not quite right. I couldn't be with somebody who doesn't kiss though! What's wrong with him?

I wear dresses and trainers 99% of the time and so that’s what I wear for dates. They get to see the real me from the start.

I do have a couple of pairs of leather type leggings and nice tops for when my legs get cold 😂

Though I’ve had several dates ask if I’ll wear heels - mate I’m 60 and it’s not the 90’s anymore.

Leather type leggings sound interesting! It's fleecy tights all winter for me.

There's so many men who want in woman in heels, aren't there. I remember speaking to one who was 6'6 & he said 'I love the fact that you are short. Will you wear heels on all of our dates for me?' I was like 'Mate, just find a taller woman'

As if anyone should be asking anyone else to wear anything. That’s batshit. I mean other than maybe saying ‘looks like rain might want to wear a waterproof’
I’d block if someone asked me to wear heels etc

I’ve had men tell me I need to wear heels because they’re tall (through normally not as tall as they claim)
My response is I wear Adidas with the platform soles so that’ll do 😂

Honestly there are so many men who think women should turn up on dates dressed like a Madonna tribute act - while they look like tramps who have slept a skip

Works the other way with height too! I’m tall and specify my height (5’10) on my profile but men often add an inch or two to their height, I’ve had countless first dates where a man has stood up next to me and accused me of being taller than I said I was! “No mate, you’re just not 6’1 like you said you were!”

The heels thing gives me the ick, I called it off with someone a couple of weeks ago cause he wanted someone who wore short dresses and high heels. I don’t think it’s all of them by any means but there is obviously a proportion out there who are still into that look.

@Nosdacariad get yourself a pair of DMs, you won’t regret it and they last forever. The pascal ones are softer and won’t hurt you x

Absolutely! I've spoken on here before about my friend who's 5'9, she tries to get men to send a photo standing near a doorframe so that she can check their height, as she's had so many meets with men at '6 foot' but who are actually her height or shorter.