Page 17 | Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

bluedabadeedabadoo · 2026-01-07T23:11:09+00:00

The Rules: -The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin -Do not invest emotionally too soon -It’s all BS until it actually happens -Trust your gut instinct -People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault -Know your worth -If it's not fun, stop -Loo update is mandatory -No dating the thread -Treat others as you'd like to be treated -Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with -The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future -OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Nosdacariad · 02/02/2026 12:25

Andsoitsover · 02/02/2026 11:42

It's a tough one. I mean if we step waaaay back, I'd say that you shouldn't really be thinking about it at all. But it's hard to step all the way back which I totally get.

There isn't a pattern as such. For me, it's less about the frequency of texts. Someone can message me once a day but it'd be "hi, how's your day going" and then the conversation will be over in three texts to repeat again the next day. A healthy conversation is where exchange of information happens and there is an opportunity to find out more about each other. So I would rather have a 100 text string once a week than "good morning beautiful" and then nothing once a day.

However, there is also a sort of an obligation to follow up after a date, I feel. And if a man doesn't, then I just take it as he is not keen to secure the second date. He doesn't have to propose a second date in the very first text. I think it is more important that he actually follows up and keeps the connection going. Your chap didn't and that would be a no from me.

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Interesting. MrX would always text good morning and good night and updates of his day but no depth or curiosity and it felt empty.

Nosdacariad · 02/02/2026 12:29

@Andsoitsover sorry you are sad x

@bluedabadeedabadoo good job - the ones who say women disappear after one message are, I suspect boring, have lied an easily discoverable lie on their profile or have mentioned sex too soon.

Happy Groundhog Day! Seems appropriate for us all 😁

rubberduck68 · 02/02/2026 13:43

NervesOfCotton · 02/02/2026 11:30

I glanced at this & thought you said 'Unless his phone is in intensive care' so there's that possibility, too. Poor phone

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Ha ha, I think I will call him "Mr ICU"

rubberduck68 · 02/02/2026 13:44

Nosdacariad · 02/02/2026 12:25

Interesting. MrX would always text good morning and good night and updates of his day but no depth or curiosity and it felt empty.

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I would be cautious of someone I am not in a real relationship doing the "good morning" and "goodnight" now. It's pretty low effort, looking back on their behaviour versus the messaging.

rubberduck68 · 02/02/2026 14:07

Andsoitsover · 02/02/2026 11:42

It's a tough one. I mean if we step waaaay back, I'd say that you shouldn't really be thinking about it at all. But it's hard to step all the way back which I totally get.

There isn't a pattern as such. For me, it's less about the frequency of texts. Someone can message me once a day but it'd be "hi, how's your day going" and then the conversation will be over in three texts to repeat again the next day. A healthy conversation is where exchange of information happens and there is an opportunity to find out more about each other. So I would rather have a 100 text string once a week than "good morning beautiful" and then nothing once a day.

However, there is also a sort of an obligation to follow up after a date, I feel. And if a man doesn't, then I just take it as he is not keen to secure the second date. He doesn't have to propose a second date in the very first text. I think it is more important that he actually follows up and keeps the connection going. Your chap didn't and that would be a no from me.

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I wondered about the "obligation to follow up on a date," but as he asked me if I'd like to do it again at the end of the date in person, does that still stand with quite so much urgency? I have no idea why someone would ask that, say they'll text and then not text... a better offer maybe? Or he wanted the validation? I've been asked out by someone else, and I'm going but I quite liked ICU man (from Friday).

PinkNeonSign · 02/02/2026 14:20

Ah, and on it goes! I‘m having a break from the apps, I was only on tinder but briefly joined hinge. At the weekend, I met the one person I got into discussion with on hinge before I came off it and I have to say he seems lovely! We’ll call him MrScenester. We’re supposed to be meeting again on Thursday I’m trying not to over invest but it’s a slippery slope and I might be in trouble 😬xx

NervesOfCotton · 02/02/2026 14:24

rubberduck68 I think that some men just say it at the end of a date, when they have no intention of texting/meeting again (obviously I hope that's not the case here)

Nosdacariad · 02/02/2026 14:34

I'm all over getting kissed on the cheek at the end of a date like the maiden aunt!

rubberduck68 · 02/02/2026 14:40

Nosdacariad · 02/02/2026 14:34

I'm all over getting kissed on the cheek at the end of a date like the maiden aunt!

Ha ha, the peck. I don't like that at all. I'd rather no kiss than that.

rubberduck68 · 02/02/2026 14:43

NervesOfCotton · 02/02/2026 14:24

rubberduck68 I think that some men just say it at the end of a date, when they have no intention of texting/meeting again (obviously I hope that's not the case here)

They are so weird. I would never ask a man if he wanted to meet up again, unless I wanted to meet him. I'd be too afraid that he'd say "yes," while I am looking for the exit. I reckon it's an ego bump.

rubberduck68 · 02/02/2026 14:45

PinkNeonSign · 02/02/2026 14:20

Ah, and on it goes! I‘m having a break from the apps, I was only on tinder but briefly joined hinge. At the weekend, I met the one person I got into discussion with on hinge before I came off it and I have to say he seems lovely! We’ll call him MrScenester. We’re supposed to be meeting again on Thursday I’m trying not to over invest but it’s a slippery slope and I might be in trouble 😬xx

It is a slippery slope, but hard not to slip and slide about when you had a good date. I never thought I could multi-date. I didn't like that about app culture, but actually planning a date with another man has kind of taken the sting out of being seemingly ghosted by my last date. Stay busy, however you like to do it.

OneShyQuail · 02/02/2026 14:58

@rubberduck68 if he wants to he will message.....leave it at that.

Men chase if they want something. Sit back and let them 👌

Andsoitsover · 02/02/2026 15:23

rubberduck68 · 02/02/2026 14:07

I wondered about the "obligation to follow up on a date," but as he asked me if I'd like to do it again at the end of the date in person, does that still stand with quite so much urgency? I have no idea why someone would ask that, say they'll text and then not text... a better offer maybe? Or he wanted the validation? I've been asked out by someone else, and I'm going but I quite liked ICU man (from Friday).

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It's not about asking for the second date. It's about not letting the connection wilter in the gaps. For me, at least.
Definitely explore other options and don't worry about why he is not texting. You'll never know unless he tells you and second-guessing is the worst thing you can do.

rubberduck68 · 02/02/2026 15:42

Andsoitsover · 02/02/2026 15:23

It's not about asking for the second date. It's about not letting the connection wilter in the gaps. For me, at least.
Definitely explore other options and don't worry about why he is not texting. You'll never know unless he tells you and second-guessing is the worst thing you can do.

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Some of this might be on me, as I did say that I don't really like texting, but prefer to get to know someone in person - maybe he's misinterpreted that, but as you rightly say, I will never know.

BoxOfCats · 02/02/2026 16:31

Groundhog Day indeed!

Mr Nomad surprised me last night by saying he is cutting his trip abroad a bit short, meaning he is likely to be stopping into my home town to see me in the the next 1-1.5 weeks.

I have my date with Mr Charismatic this Thursday. I honestly don’t know how it’s going to go, given it’s been 6 months since I last saw him in person. He said at the time he wasn’t in the right headspace for dating (which seemed understandable given what happened in his life at the time) but has definitely been pursuing me hard since the beginning of December. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much build up before a date!

Polly1979 · 02/02/2026 18:23

What’s the best course of action if you feel like you’re being slow faded? I think I’m getting that from Mr IT after a few dates that felt like they went well. Just let it happen and move on or ask him about it? He is super busy at the moment but it feels like a gear change from messages saying he’s thinking about me to barely messaging at all.

Nosdacariad · 02/02/2026 19:09

Polly1979 · 02/02/2026 18:23

What’s the best course of action if you feel like you’re being slow faded? I think I’m getting that from Mr IT after a few dates that felt like they went well. Just let it happen and move on or ask him about it? He is super busy at the moment but it feels like a gear change from messages saying he’s thinking about me to barely messaging at all.

I know nothing about nothing but I think match his effort if you can bear to.

Nosdacariad · 02/02/2026 20:55

Squeee! New iron. Mr Wiggy.

He should on paper be dating MUCH younger and VERY good looking women...

rubberduck68 · 02/02/2026 23:34

Well, Mr ICU has unmatched with me, so that’s clarity. Next!

TwistedWonder · 03/02/2026 00:00

rubberduck68 · 02/02/2026 14:43

They are so weird. I would never ask a man if he wanted to meet up again, unless I wanted to meet him. I'd be too afraid that he'd say "yes," while I am looking for the exit. I reckon it's an ego bump.

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I had a dreadful date a few years ago. There’s was zero connection from the start, he looked like he’d just rolled out of bed (after sleeping in the clothes he was wearing), made a comment about me being over dressed (I was wearing a midi dress and trainers 🤷‍♀️). The date lasted about 30 minutes and 20 of those he was staring into his J2O not uttering a word.
I said that we’re wasting our time here and he made some excuse about having to take his dad to Tesco. As we walked to the car park (in silence) he turned to me and said ‘shall we do this again?’

WTAF????

NervesOfCotton · 03/02/2026 00:04

rubberduck68 oh well at least you know now. Crappy of him though.

Nosdacariad He sounds great!

Polly1979 Agree with Nosdacariad, I'd try to just leave it if you can, & see what happens.

BoxOfCats Good luck for Thursday! What are you doing? I've got my fingers crossed for you!

Same update for me! I'm still dipping in & out of the thread, still not really looking to date, had a little look on Hinge but there's nothing much that excites me on there.

NervesOfCotton · 03/02/2026 00:13

TwistedWonder Did you ever watch Friends? This thread today has reminded me of an episode where Chandler can't end a date without saying something like 'Well this was great, let's do it again, I'll call you' even if he can't stand her!

BoxOfCats · 03/02/2026 00:37

NervesOfCotton · 03/02/2026 00:04

rubberduck68 oh well at least you know now. Crappy of him though.

Nosdacariad He sounds great!

Polly1979 Agree with Nosdacariad, I'd try to just leave it if you can, & see what happens.

BoxOfCats Good luck for Thursday! What are you doing? I've got my fingers crossed for you!

Same update for me! I'm still dipping in & out of the thread, still not really looking to date, had a little look on Hinge but there's nothing much that excites me on there.

Good question! We agreed tomorrow evening but not a time or a place yet. He seems a lot more spontaneous about these things than I am. Curious to see if he invites me to his or suggests going out somewhere…

LucyLoo1972 · 03/02/2026 06:04

Andsoitsover · 13/01/2026 18:33

Amen.
Although, personally, I gave up on rules somewhere around 2007 after dating a man for six weeks before having sex and then discovering that he had..erm...incompatible anatomical features. This was the first and last time I had to say "I have to work early tomorrow" to get out of taking a man home 😁

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the mind boggles!

rubberduck68 · 03/02/2026 10:38

TwistedWonder · 03/02/2026 00:00

I had a dreadful date a few years ago. There’s was zero connection from the start, he looked like he’d just rolled out of bed (after sleeping in the clothes he was wearing), made a comment about me being over dressed (I was wearing a midi dress and trainers 🤷‍♀️). The date lasted about 30 minutes and 20 of those he was staring into his J2O not uttering a word.
I said that we’re wasting our time here and he made some excuse about having to take his dad to Tesco. As we walked to the car park (in silence) he turned to me and said ‘shall we do this again?’

WTAF????

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Ha ha, what even is going through their lizard brains at that point? Also, hear you on the clothes comment - I am so over being told I am under/over dressed by men who look like they've just climbed out of a bin.