Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

He wanted to know that you are still available in case he is in need of a booty call. That's all.

It’s probably significant that it was 5:40 on a Friday night when he doesn’t have his kids and it was often Fridays we would meet 🙄

It's called a soft re entry

You'll wish you had blocked him 😘

I need to I just haven’t got the guts to 😭😭I’m so angry at him for doing this to me when I’d barely gave him a second thought

Update on Mr Pushbike

Nice guy. Has a best friend thirty years younger and told me three times hpw good looking she is...

Oh dear that’s a bit weird? Old enough to be her dad?

I think knowing our worth is the most important thing in early and late relationship.

Nope. That's weird.

I am going to be very careful here but I feel it needs to be said, your anger with him is misplaced. He didn't do anything to you. If it was your neighbour texting you about traitors, you wouldn't feel anything. You'd have a chat and move on with your day.
He is not responsible for your emotions - you are. Being angry with him is a subconscious way for you to not deal with the underlying cause of your emotional reaction. The only way through is to accept accountability for your part.
You don't want him to text you because you are destabilised by it, yet you don't want to block him. That's your choice. You have power to make a different choice.

We are all guilty of it but once you realise that you always have power, things shift. I gave Mr. AC till the end of the week to make a decision. If he doesn't show up by the end of today, I promise you he will be blocked. Not because he is bad but because the connection with a man who doesn't move towards me, has no value to me and I am not leaving myself open for emotional turmoil. Take your power back!

Hell no

🤦‍♀️

@bluedabadeedabadoo or he has been let down so needs someone for the evening.

Its hard to block someone, I never do, but you need to be ok with the idea that you aren’t that important to him.

Agree. Plus holding your own power and enforcing your boundaries.

The minute someone pushes your boundaries too far or treats you as an option, that’s time to say ‘see ya’. Never twist yourself into a pretzel trying to work out why a man doesn’t treat you the way you need him to. Self respect at all times

Older than her Dad.

He also dropped that his last relationship broke up because of her and he's goinh interrailing with her in the summer.

That screams "not available for a relationship" to me.

@bluedabadeedabadoo I totally agree with @Andsoitsover. They nailed it here and this is the badass atttitude we all need.

I'm glad everyone found that odd too. My late DH had a female best friend, younger than him and very pretty, and they went on holiday together so I don't think I'm uptight in that regard.

The difference is he realised I would need to be the priority, he didn't bang on about how pretty she was, say she was the reason his relationships broke up or say "no woman would ever come between them".

The whole scenario screams ‘mid life crocus’ to me

I dated a man with a female best friend once who although similar age was my polar opposite - she flattered his fragile ego and was always hovering over us like a dark shadow.

Several times she came out with us because he felt guilty she was at a loose end - including her booking into sane hotel when we went to a gig on the coast one weekend.

That sounds EXHAUSTING! What caused the break up?

Are you in the US? (Just being nosy sorry!)

Breadcrumbing you. Mindf*cking you. Thats what he wanted to achieve. Men like that have no respect for women nor want a relationship. What hes doing to you he'll be doing to others, getting little bits as and when he wants.
Block him. You need to

No I’m on the Essex/Herts border near Stansted - London born and bred though. Hence never date a Londoner again 😂😂

@Nosdacariad I’ve posted a lot about my most recent ex and his female ‘best friend’ on mn . Never ever again . Like a pp also experienced his last gf dumped him the day after meeting her. So he kept me away from her as long as he could which just backfired as I found this highly suspicious. They were enmeshed and codependent and it was weird as fuck . She’s about 15 years older than us and had left her house to him with a clause in her will stating it was all to be kept separate from any future spouse of his.
i can’t be sure but after finding used bdsm equipment and her pet name for him apparently being a common name used in dom and sub situations I walked out his house and never spoke to him again . 2.5 years wasted but it’s taught me not to ignore red flags and cement my boundaries

Golly I'm so sorry.

That is super weird.

Funny thing is as soon as she met someone, we didn’t see her for dust.

There were a lot of other issues. He was my rebound after a 23 year marriage and I settled for the wrong man because I was more vulnerable than I realised.

I wasted 2 years on him but it’s taught me so much about myself that it wasn’t really a waste. Though k do wonder if my boundaries are now too strong or whether there’s just so few older single men out there worth giving up my peace for 😂

@Nosdacariadthanks I’m still trying to get over it 4 months on
i was on this thread when I first met him and people were telling me I was being unreasonable to question why she needed to text him 100 times a day and ring at all hours. It wasn’t til he started cancelling plans with me for her that people told me it was out of order . I still carried on though . More fool me .

I so hear you on the last two paras.

What boundaries do you have that you think are too strong?

I think there are just a LOT of fuckwits about.

Were the people saying you were unreasonable men?

I'd be gone at any sign of that. But that's me after MrX (Mr Tom Baker scarf). Before him I was much more trusting.