Dating thread 54-New year new irons?

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I’m permanently banned from Tinder and have no idea why.

I tried to sign up a few years ago and got a message back saying I’d broken their T&Cs and they will not enter into any communication to discuss why.

I’m quite impressed by that @TwistedWonder

@TwistedWonder you must be the woman who broke Tinder 😁

I’ve actually heard that no-reason tinder bans are really frequent
I’ve seen loads of ppl on mn over the years say the same

Hi, new here but been following for around a month, nice to meet you all.

been divorced 5 years, 50 now. Have dated a fair bit but really I’m being fussy and finding men are giving me the ick at around the 6 month mark…do you soldier on through or just keep restarting from scratch? I just haven’t met anyone that’s kept me interested, the men I’ve dated all seem keen to move in together (and be taken care of!)

@coolpattern interesting. Do they give you the ick in a similar way?

I think the cocklodger vibes would do it though!

All different reasons (well all 3 of them!), attitude to finances, attitude to parenting and finally messiness/borderline hoarding and general filth in his house.

chatting to 2 at the moment, but who knows, quite low expectations really so not sure if either of them will sweep me off my feet!

Were there any early signs that you might have missed?

I must admit I’m always on the lookout early on to see how messy men are. My ex of 10 years was like Pigpen from Peanuts, leaving a trail of destruction behind him. Never again, so I always try to work out sooner rather than later how tidy they are…

It sounds like he’s way overthinking things, and maybe lacks a bit of maturity when it comes to relationships. Are you still chatting to him?

Hope your weekends are off to a lovely start. It’s already Saturday afternoon in my little patch of the world.

I got back from visiting Mr Nomad earlier this week. We had 5 days together (longest stretch so far). It all felt really nice, he really looked after me well and had planned lots of things for us to do (some nice walks, swims in the lake, some great places to eat…). No more discussions on feelings or our lack of relationship status. I think he does really care for me though.

He’s now back to his nomad ways and disappeared off to Japan for a few weeks, then off to the US. Said he will try to “swing by” my home city on his way back, possibly in early March.

As much as I had a lovely time, I’m just not sure how things can really work logistically from here. I guess only time will tell.

In other news, Mr Charismatic is back from a trip abroad the week after next and seems very keen to meet up. It’s been a good 6 months since I last saw him in person. I’m a bit unsure if he just wants sex or is actually interested in dating…

coolpattern Those would be valid reasons for me too. Hopefully these next 2 will be good!
The only one I'd have possibly stuck with/wanted to find out more, is the messy one, just because I've got myself into a rut with things like home maintenance before & can now see how easily it is. That said, I never let a man see it when it was in that state!

BoxOfCats I'm glad that you had a nice time. It sounds wonderful to me, especially the swims in the lake! You've possibly already said, but does Nomad work? Or is the travelling part of his work?

Have you said yes to meeting Mr Charismatic?

I've been on Hinge & Bumble this morning but there's nothing going on there.

I had a very strange, vivid dream that I went to a fancy dress party (everybody was dressed in Green!) with a group of people I don't know, got chatting to this man who was part of their group, spent the rest of the evening with him, travelled back home together (the party was quite far so involved a train journey) then went to meet him the next day.

I wish that this man actually existed as he was great
... Why is my mind tormenting me like this

@BoxOfCats ask him?

@coolpattern those are more 🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨than just the ick. You made a good choice.

@NervesOfCotton maybe it's a premonition?!

I've a dearth of irons atm and off to dinner with friends who I suspect may be attempting matchmaking but I may also be overthinking 😅

Nosdacariad I hope so!

Are your friends single?

No but there are a load of people going and an even number.

I'm probably overthinking 😁

@NervesOfCotton Sounds Ike a great dream!! Yes, Mr Nomad works about 4 months of the year running a seasonal business he owns with family. The rest of the year he dabbles in property development. He is considering getting someone else to run the business so he can do something else full time. He says he’s tired of being a nomad and wants to settle down somewhere, but not the city I live in unfortunately (really dislikes it). Me Charismatic and I haven’t actually made any firm plans yet.

@Nosdacariad Hope you had a lovely dinner! So Mr Nomad can never really give me much of an answer to this, because he never quite knows where he will be himself and tends to plan his trips last minute. He seems happy to organise our meets one at a time. His lifestyle is the main reason he’s given me why he doesn’t want an actual relationship, he can’t really commit to seeing anyone consistently.

Nosdacariad Ah, even number would make me suspicious too!

BoxOfCats I see, I suppose him settling down somewhere vaguely nearby would be better than him being anywhere & everywhere, though!

@Nosdacariad Yes it would at least be easier to plan ahead for if he were in one place!

Good evening all. So got back on the apps after things ended with Mr P last week. Loads of matches and ended up with a date today with Mr investment let’s call him. Been a bit unsure as over text he is very sexual and doesn’t say much else but over the phone, conversation was good. Well the date went fine, had a walk and ended up back at his for coffee and well DTD 🤷‍♀️ It did feel a little rushed but felt comfortable with it but a little awkward with no connection having only met a few hours before. I feel ok about it. I probably will see him again as no red flags and it takes me a few dates to decide if I do really like someone but im not overly invested. Sex was ok, but not amazing. I am still Chatting to someone else (which I never do!) as he’s really chatty and engaging so will be meeting him for coffee.
Im very conscious that im just all over the place at the minute and clearly dont know what I do want out of dating. Im jumping back and forth in terms of what I want and I’m being very inconsistent. I think it’s a mixture of going with the flow (which i don’t usually) and changing the goal posts in regards to what I want and what I’m looking for based on past experiences. Mr Investment is different to previous dates as he doesn’t have kids and is 8 years older than me where as the others had kids with 50/50 and were same age or 2/3 years older so I thought it may be different to try dating someone a bit different to my usual type.

@TwistedWonder id agree here, previously online dating was quite a niche where you met interesting people but now it’s become oversaturated with every tom/dick or harry getting their kicks. I think the more normal sorts are jaded so hoping to meet in real life which is hard! I’m mid 40s and in my work in the city, everyone is married, having met younger. We have been to events in town but seems to be full of middle aged women and gay men. I do wonder where all the mid 40s men hang out. When I’ve chatted to husbands of friends, they just say no one really goes out much. I have had a few relationships previously which have gone well but I think online dating just makes me feel crap about myself when in fact I’m a great catch.

I approached online dating with naeivity. I went on a few dates and ended up dating someone that was a covert narcissist, I just didn’t see the signs initially but couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong. I got out after 2 months and learnt a few lessons - pay more attention and trust my body! It was trying to tell me something.

i think it’s a minefield and you’ve got to be on our guard at all times!! It’s easy for anyone to join, fake intention and get what they can. But I do think there are gems in there but you have to be really clear, confident and almost give no f*s in the search!

@NervesOfCotton I couldn't cope with Mr Nomad but we're all different, thankfully!

@mulberrybag5 same on the covert narcissist but took me longer. MrX emailed yesterday, so still trying to do something, not sure what his intention is.

@bluedabadeedabadoo go you!

No set up but a lovely time, just home on three hours' sleep and having tried Scottish dancing 😅

Hi all, I’m new to the chat. I’m 49, divorced 4 years. Currently in a FWB situation with a charming 42 year old I met online- Mr O. He lives just over hour away and it’s great fun.
sex is amazing, he’s very into aftercare, lots of cuddles and affection.
Also , out of the blue my sort of ex from 20 yrs ago got in touch, which has been strange- we’ve always had great chemistry and being together just seems natural. However he lives a couple of hours away from me and our lifestyles are very different- which is a shame.

i don’t know what will happen with either one, but I really like both of them.

Just catching up on the thread! I post sporadically as I don’t date a lot.

Last time I was trying to talk myself out of texting someone who had fizzled out after we met at a party. We’d texted a lot then just nothing!

Anyway, come Xmas eve I caved and sent him a merry Christmas text! He messaged right back and apologised for being incommunicado, he had some family stuff going on. We have mutual friends and I know his elderly parents were unwell, so I was glad I hadn’t hassled him before.

Since then we’ve been in pretty steady communication - couple of video calls, texts every few days and a lot of sexting 😳 he’s just called to ask if I’m free to meet up next weekend. There will definitely be sex, so I’m weirdly apprehensive even though we’ve seen a lot of each other so he knows my tits are small and I’m quite hairy 😅

I’m getting pre-meet-up second-guessing-itis, it is the worst!

So it looks like I now have a date with Mr Charismatic just under 2 weeks from now.

I haven’t actually seen him in person since July last year. We had 4 amazing dates where the chemistry was off the charts, then he had a pretty stressful life situation crop up and it was clear his focus was elsewhere (or maybe he met someone else). We’ve been messaging on and off since October, but it’s really only the last month and a bit that he’s made it pretty clear he’s keen to pick up where we left off. It’s still not clear if he actually wants a relationship or not and I feel like that’s a conversation best had in person. So I guess we will see.

I feel a bit bad about organising a date with someone else while still seeing Mr Nomad, however then I remind myself that he’s told me repeatedly that he doesn’t want a relationship….

@Poppity3I also hear you on the pre meet up anxiety!

Dating for the last 6 months, and now dating Mr Very Different for the last month. Different as in, not the type I would usually go for and because we are just so different. I’ve always had a lot of anxiety in dating, gone for avoidant men but this time, I’ve felt calm and relaxed and enjoying seeing him. However, I just don’t think we are emotionally compatible and he’s quite invalidating. Even if it’s really made clear, he doesn’t acknowledge how his behaviour might come across. It’s such a red flag,