Urgent advice

[ZippyBlueViper]

Hi urgent advice needed,
My relationship hasn't been great for a while, oh come home around 5pm really drunk. Hasn't hit me but has been verbally aggressive. I was scared and kids were scared.
I've loaded them into car and gone. Didn't pack anything just gone.
We're staying too far away for the kids to attend school tomorrow and no uniform etc. Wtf do i do

Speak to women’s aid for support .
You are homeless ask then to support you for housing too .
women’s aid will direct you to a solicitor .
women’s aid is usually granted to women with abusive partners and this is you op.

I wouldn’t be scared by his threats anymore. He gets away with it by scaring you into silence. The second you start talking and asking for support he can’t have that hold over you anymore.

please don’t go back this will be your hardest moment and lowest due to worry. However you can do it.

@ZippyBlueViper social work see this all the time . When the know you have got rid of the abuser they wilL have no concerns about you .
Are you going to live with family short term or ask housing for help is that an option in your area ?

"I'm literally with my kids all the time. I've my own business but it's on his land in his name and he takes all the money"

Add financial abuse and coercive control to the list of complaints to make to Women's Aid & police.

You could call your local citizens advice fur advice on emergency housing, emergency funds, food and benefits going forward.

Please phone the police.

The idea of him getting the kids is why you need to report this to the police. You absolutely need to have this on record

Can you go to the council and inform them that you are effectively homeless?
Send a relative to the house to pack some things for you all.

Please screenshot all those messages and then email yourself the screenshots so you have them saved in a separate place online. They are invaluable to show why you left

This is 100% Coercive control.
Which is a crime.

He takes all your money that you earn to leave you penniless and powerless.

You need to involve the police.
This is deliberate and this is a crime.

Help yourself by going into a police station and ask for the Domestic abuse officer.

You can do this.

I know how hard this is (different story and complications), but please do call the police. My experience is that they will take you seriously, and they provide sign posts to the resources to help you get the needed logistics in place.

It is overwhelming, but what is totally new and scary for you, is their job.

I so clearly remember as I talked to the 999 operator realising that I had started a very serious chain of events, but I had to do if for my safety.

Wishing you strength and courage.

Hi OP, just checking in.. how you feeling today? Just giving you abit of a hand hold really seeing as other posters have already given you some great advice.

You have done the right thing. Im so sorry youre going through this.

I hope you are ok? Please let us know when you can. Don’t worry about any judgement of you’ve home back, there is always always a way out with that right support x

You are a wonderful mum. Like my mum was You got your kids out of there as soon as there was a threat to them. My mother did this many many years ago. I grew up without a father and we struggled, but I remain eternally grateful to her that she got us out of the situation and never looked back. My mother died a few years ago. The whole affair affected my mother's mental health, but she had the comfort of her children. We were everything to her. We have all done relatively well in life. I have no advice for you, just offering a handhold.

Try to make a list of things you will need to take from the house.

If you can get hold of them safely then documentation like birth certificates and passports, for you and the kids is helpful. Any academic certificates from GCSE up as replacing can be a pain.

Any personal items of value like jewellery.

Clothes, including socks, childrens special toys, comfort blankets, items you need for the baby.

Phones, screens and chargers.

I don't know where you are, but go to your local council today and tell them you are homeless, they have a duty of care to give you some time of housing. Turn up at the council offices and with the children

I use to work in a housing advice centre for a council and if you do this they will prioritise your case. You may end up in a BnB tonight but you will get somewhere safe to stay and amenities. Like others have said - this is coercive control. He is financially abusing you - and the rest! Please give an update when you can. I hope you’re safe

You’re avoiding calling the police so you can hope it all goes away. It’s not going away. Your worst fears are more likely to come true if you don’t end it all now and call the police. He’ll either take your son psychologically as he grows or he’ll kill you. It always ends one way or another so you might as well do it.

Even if he has, it would be easily be classed as financial abuse if it turned up with you and you can easily prove a preexisting relationship.

It'd actually be doing you a massive favour if he did do this...

OP he can't just take your child off you full time. He's using it as a threat as he knows it hurts and scares you.

His texts about this are just proof he's abusive!! As is the lack of mention of his other child. 🤨 He's an abusive dickhead.

Please be very careful if you go home for some stuff today. I'd advise going to the police first and reporting him, and asking them for their advice on staying safe in terms of picking up stuff from home. They will have a DV team. Ask to speak to someone specifically from that team.

I used to work along side housing in a regional town and have seen this happen, its hard to watch but I know that housing would pull out the stops to get stuff sorted - sometimes it would be 30 miles away but in this case that might be a good thing

You are also being subjected to financial abuse from the sounds of things.

Call women's aid for advice, they can give some legal advice in most areas. They are brilliant. Good luck.

Ring women’s aid asap, they will help with everything. Threatening to keep the children is a classic tool these scumbags use.

Talk to police
Share all messages espec threats
Ss support is good they can help.you
Let school safeguarding know