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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Accused of cheating and dumped at Xmas

137 replies

Popie123 · 27/12/2025 21:16

Hi

I have been seeing a guy for the last year, we have not had the official Rship talk but we are together almost everyday and have spoke of a future together, all his friends and family know about me and vice versa

from the start I have seen signs he may have been insecure 'jokes' about other men all the time, what I wear, doesn't like me wearing make up , if I get 'done up' or wear lipstick comments about I don't do that for him all in a jokey way but I don't believe they are jokes

I brushed this off cos when we are on good terms he is a very loving caring man

not to blow my own trumpet but on paper I have alot more going for me, I earned significantly more than him, ( when he was working) he has recently lost his job, tbf to him he has had multiple interviews since but has not got and of them, I feel he may have been threatened by me

The week before Xmas I went on my work Christmas do, I missed a few of his calls as I was chatting to colleagues when I finally did see his calls he started accusing me of talking to guys etc , he did still pick me up but when we got back to my place it escalated, I told a small lie as I was scared of his reaction ( told him no men approached me that night when some did ) I ended up slipping and apologises sincerely for lying, he left my house and I have not seen him since, that weekend we were meant to be celebrating my Birthday together although nothing was actually booked.. he proceeded to dah he would no longer be celebrating my bday with me as I am liar and a slag, he also messaged my friend to tell her this

my birthday was Boxing Day , I did not so much as get a happy bday from him Nor a merry Xmas , he has told me to leave him alone said he has found out numerous things about me and has blocked me every where and says he never wants to talk to me again

i am in utter shock! I have not so much as looked at another man since I met him and he absolutely could have not found out anything! This has totally ruined my Xmas and bday and I don't know what to even think at this point

OP posts:
Kidsgotothatschool · 27/12/2025 21:18

You have had a lucky escape… reframe this quickly for your own sanity, this man was a walking parade of red flags.

BrendaSmall · 27/12/2025 21:19

Just accept that the relationship is over, he’s far too controlling, you’re better off without him

Fupoffyagrasshole · 27/12/2025 21:19

ehhh you are better off without this guy he’s controlling and trying to stop you having a social life ! He doesn’t want you to go out at all!

you can look at other man and talk to other men when in a relationship op!

this man is toxic and you’re lucky you are away from him now

TheSlantedOwl · 27/12/2025 21:21

Lucky escape. A controlling, sexist and undermining fool of a man. Count yourself lucky. Move on OP, and happy belated birthday.

orangewasp · 27/12/2025 21:26

Wake up OP....this man was bad news. If you take him back you will end up regetting it. I speak from experience.

Original poster
Popie123 · 27/12/2025 21:28

I know deep down he is bad news but it is like he is trying to get me to question my own reality i have done nothing wrong, we have argued before but never like this and never for this long , he says he no longer cares about my opinion as I'm a liar and he doesn't respect me so whatever I say to him he does not care
he can be so loving and so kind and he does thoughtful things for me a lot and the fact he is now treating me like this is so hurtful especially around Xmas and my bday

OP posts:
tsmainsqueeze · 27/12/2025 21:29

You are well rid , this would only have got worse ,lucky escape.
He doesn't like you wearing makeup, who does he think he is ?
Whatever you do don't have him back.

Original poster
Popie123 · 27/12/2025 21:31

tsmainsqueeze · 27/12/2025 21:29

You are well rid , this would only have got worse ,lucky escape.
He doesn't like you wearing makeup, who does he think he is ?
Whatever you do don't have him back.

He is in to all natural stuff, and frames it ina. Way of I have sensitive skin ( I do) so shouldn't be wearing it etc and how he hates make up even though I know this is all bollocks! I wrote a midi dress to a work interview a few months ago and he said I was trying to show my body of to guys but again jt was said in a laughing 'jokey way'

OP posts:
RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 27/12/2025 21:32

You cannot reason with the unreasonable, and a man with trust issues is as about as unreasonable as it can get.

The rubbish has taken itself out, and good riddance.

unrsnblyannoyd · 27/12/2025 21:32

OP stop. Read your post back. You told a lie because you were afraid of his reaction to you speaking to a man / men on a night out? He’s done you a favour. Be prepared for this poor excuse to suddenly get in contact. If he does, he’ll be sweetness and light. He’ll tell you how sorry he is. It’s just that he loves you. You’re so special to him he can’t stand the thought of losing you. He knows he’s wrong to have reacted like that and if you’ll just give him a chance he’ll prove to you that he’s not really like this. Spoiler alert - he is. If this man tries to approach you again tell him to take a long walk on a short pier x

middleagedandinarage · 27/12/2025 21:33

Kidsgotothatschool · 27/12/2025 21:18

You have had a lucky escape… reframe this quickly for your own sanity, this man was a walking parade of red flags.

Yip 100%

YodasHairyButt · 27/12/2025 21:34

He’s a twat and he’s done you a massive favour. Block him.

Wrenjay · 27/12/2025 21:37

I have seen this comment on various posts: THE TRASH TOOK HIMSELF OUT.

singlemum93 · 27/12/2025 21:38

Guys like this make you question your own reality! Hope you realise this guy is not the kind caring man you’re making him out to be! He isn’t at all, he’s a controlling abusive man from everything you’ve said! As the above poster said he will be back, he wants you to say sorry and feel guilty for something. But you’ve done nothing wrong ! Don’t take him back things will only get worse from here believe me.

Kidsgotothatschool · 27/12/2025 21:41

IME the dumping around Xmas and birthday is usually because they can’t be bothered with buying gifts and being thoughtful.

He’s created himself an out, he really is a nasty piece of work.

And yes I expect he’ll be back once the gift giving period is over.

Honestly he is horrendous. He gives me the ick just from reading your posts.

mumstheword1x · 27/12/2025 21:41

That’s a lucky escape, run while you can - don’t waste anymore minutes on him. The psychological abuse would just get worse if your relationship progressed.

you’ve done nothing wrong, he just doesn’t like the fact he can’t control you like a puppet!

Lindy2 · 27/12/2025 21:42

He sounds nasty. Accusing you, trying to ruin your confidence. You do know it's perfectly OK to chat to other people when you are socialising don't you? - male and female.

Just be grateful he's actually done something decent and finished it. Make sure it stays finished.

I do expect he's jealous of you. It really doesn't sound like he has much going for him but that's not your problem.

ohyesido · 27/12/2025 21:44

The trash took itself out

Arlanymor · 27/12/2025 21:46

You shouldn't have to lie to your partner because he's a jealous pinhead. After a year you weren't even officially in a relationship?

Screw him and the horse he rode in on. He hasn't ruined anything, it should be making the scales fall from your eyes. He's a massive arsehole isn't he?

Soozikinzii · 27/12/2025 21:47

Lucky escape . Saved you the bother of ending it .

TFImBackIn · 27/12/2025 21:48

Thank god he's ended it - he's an absolute loser who would have given you a lifetime of insecurity and unhappiness.

Delete and block, and thank your lucky stars.

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 27/12/2025 21:49

Extreme possessive controlling jealousy is not something you want in a partner.

OttersMayHaveShifted · 27/12/2025 21:53

What a controlling creep. You have had a lucky escape. Frankly it's worrying that you didn't dump him first though.

YourFairCyanReader · 27/12/2025 21:55

He will be waiting to see if you will react by reassuring him and begging him to come back. He will then do it again, worse every time. It's a game.
Please don't take him back. He won't change and you could waste years of your life

Pearlstillsinging · 27/12/2025 21:57

Popie123 · 27/12/2025 21:28

I know deep down he is bad news but it is like he is trying to get me to question my own reality i have done nothing wrong, we have argued before but never like this and never for this long , he says he no longer cares about my opinion as I'm a liar and he doesn't respect me so whatever I say to him he does not care
he can be so loving and so kind and he does thoughtful things for me a lot and the fact he is now treating me like this is so hurtful especially around Xmas and my bday

Edited

That exactly what he is doing. He wants you to be wrong-footed and ultimately looking to him for 'leadership'. Just think yourself lucky that you found out his true colours before things went too far. You have had a lucky escape from a man who wants to control ecery aspect of your life and doesn't like that you are a successful, independent woman

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