Accused of cheating and dumped at Xmas

[Popie123]

Hi

I have been seeing a guy for the last year, we have not had the official Rship talk but we are together almost everyday and have spoke of a future together, all his friends and family know about me and vice versa

from the start I have seen signs he may have been insecure 'jokes' about other men all the time, what I wear, doesn't like me wearing make up , if I get 'done up' or wear lipstick comments about I don't do that for him all in a jokey way but I don't believe they are jokes

I brushed this off cos when we are on good terms he is a very loving caring man

not to blow my own trumpet but on paper I have alot more going for me, I earned significantly more than him, ( when he was working) he has recently lost his job, tbf to him he has had multiple interviews since but has not got and of them, I feel he may have been threatened by me

The week before Xmas I went on my work Christmas do, I missed a few of his calls as I was chatting to colleagues when I finally did see his calls he started accusing me of talking to guys etc , he did still pick me up but when we got back to my place it escalated, I told a small lie as I was scared of his reaction ( told him no men approached me that night when some did ) I ended up slipping and apologises sincerely for lying, he left my house and I have not seen him since, that weekend we were meant to be celebrating my Birthday together although nothing was actually booked.. he proceeded to dah he would no longer be celebrating my bday with me as I am liar and a slag, he also messaged my friend to tell her this

my birthday was Boxing Day , I did not so much as get a happy bday from him Nor a merry Xmas , he has told me to leave him alone said he has found out numerous things about me and has blocked me every where and says he never wants to talk to me again

i am in utter shock! I have not so much as looked at another man since I met him and he absolutely could have not found out anything! This has totally ruined my Xmas and bday and I don't know what to even think at this point

Thanks this is very true and I will defo come back to re read in times of weakness !! I actually didn't have turkey for Xmas but that made me laugh lol

the thing is I never gave in to his comments about the make up etc , I wore what I wanted and when he made comments about make up I told him to shut up, your right though deep down I'd think ffs this is going to cause an issue but I never stopped doing what I wanted because of him, I think if I had this probably would have been 10x worse for me and alot more sadistic for him.

I was though scared to not answer my phone and worried about his reaction when I was late back from work, before him I slept with my phone on silent not even vibrate as if im woken up I can't get back to sleep, with him I had to sleep with it on vibrate because if I missed a call late at night I was with another man , I was on holiday with my family in the summer and missed some calls as I was asleep , I was literally with my parents ! and I was accused of being with a man

it would never be direct accusations though .. it would be silent treatment for a few hours , offish behaviour, change of tone on the phone , the first few times i would be confused and wonder what his problem was .. then the pattern started to emerge and id say I know why you are acting like this you think I was with someone .. and then it would be 'that's your guilty concious talking' and all that bollocks

The first time this ever happened I was on a night out with my friends , one of them was male and I put a Instagram pic of us up( not just me and him) this was when the accusations started and i was accused of sleeping with this man, I was dumb founded

I've been accused of sleeping with my male friends who are happily married , sleeping with the guy I used to see before him who I have not spoke to for a long time

he could take any criticism at all,even if it was constructive or from a place of care he took it as a complete attack and come to think of it it was always those occasions that I would then be accused of stuff

he ripped a shirt of his once by accident and said he was going to sew it up. All I said was why don't you get a new one? He went off sulking for hours saying he isn't materialistic like me and I would just sit there so confused at this behaviour

I should have walked away at these points but I was dragged back in by his affection, his humour and I genuinely spent so much time with him I really enjoyed his company , he was not like this all the time .. but they never are

putting this all down just makes me think how bad this really was.. but it started to become normal to me and I would respond with 'yeah okay got loads of men haven't I' and just not entertain him

sorry I've said alot !!

Walk away and never look back! This is so abusive.

Honestly sometimes writing it all down helps! I can remember getting a bar job one summer to earn a bit of extra cash. It was a real ale type of pub, average customer was about 60. One lovely old guy had an allotment.
He was a recent widower and I used to chat away to him about his wife. He used to bring all sorts of fresh veg in for the barmaids including me.
I can remember walking out to my car one night with a tray of it and my ex was sitting on the car bonnet. He’d been sitting in the on somewhere where I didn’t spot him.
And he said I was sleeping with Reg the Veg man. He was being serious. I was encouraging him. The ex had waited behind in case I got raped as I was egging men on by serving them pints and asked them how their golf match had been.
It is like watching a tragic comedy if I play it back in my head now.
He had a habit of showing up in places. Once he came over and threw a pint over a very handsome man who I was having a laugh with. I was a disgrace. I had probably been shagging him in the toilets. It was my cousin.
It is years ago now but it’s only when you are in a non-abuse relationship you realise how awful it is.
But if you can get through the cold turkey there is a whole world out there waiting for you to live in it.

God what goes through these ppls heads I will know .. waiting on your car bonnet is bloody terrifying he must have been stalking you , he has never gone as far as turning up where I am etc I think he has to much of an ego for that

he does have a few things of mine that I gave him that I didn't need and needed the space tbh , don't want to say what as it's outing if anyone's to know him , but I let him borrow few things for his flat that are of some value and I defo could have sold

He didn't pay for them nor did I expect him to I'm not sure if this is going to be a reason he gets in touch but I don't need them back in all honesty

Honestly, whatever it is, let him keep it. If you block him, he can’t ask.
I am sure if all the posters on here added all their own horror stories about these men who could use enough printer paper to cover the globe.
These arseholes are everywhere. But once you really recover you can spot one from outer space.

This.

None of his behaviour was acceptable. Can you see that?

yes I can and I could at the time but i would be gaslit in to believing it was my fault and manipulated but deep down yes I knew it was wrong and it would sometimes keep me up at night

I dated a bloke like that but thankfully got him worked out and dumped him

He would offer to pick me up if I was out with friends and would always turn up at least an hour early - firstly to spy on me to see if o was up to anything and secondly to guilt trip me into leaving early so he had control of my time without him.

And literally any man I said hello to I got ‘he fancies you’ like a 11 year old (he was in his 50’s btw)

Final straw was when I introduced him my male best fronts who I’ve know over 20 years. He was nice uk his face, shook his hand and soon as my mate walked away he went ‘fucking sleazy cunt wants to shag you’ - honestly it was pathetic. Then a bit later I went to the ladies and on way back my mate asked if me and him wanted a drink. Jealous twat saw us chatting for 30 seconds and stormed out of the pub and actually walked 2 miles home. Honestly it was like dating a toddler throwing a tantrum

Sounds like a twat! I thought men like this maybe got better with age but clearly not

Sulking sounds like this guy aswell. I can only imagine that this comes from a place of deep insecurity

someone recently said about my 'ex' that he was beautiful looking , I actually liked that and felt proud because I am not insecure at all

if that was me I'd have been accused of sleeping witn the person and never allowed around them again. It's pathetic

I hope you know now this isn’t your fault. It’s all his.

You might find the Freedom Programme helpful.

screams narcissist!! Don’t walk run

You are in danger from this man. There was recently a young woman in the local paper who was murdered by a controlling and possessive man whom she had only been seeing a few months on a fairly casual basis. Sadly he had displayed many of the traits and red flag behaviours you have described but unfortunately it was too late for this woman when she tried to extricate herself from the relationship. I really hope you keep him blocked for your own safety and call the police if he starts harassing you which he will surely do. Also be aware that he will try to hook you back in via narcissistic hoovering. Later you can explore the pull factors/vulnerabilities which kept you enmeshed in this abusive relationship. Good luck, you can do this but please enlist support for yourself from family and friends.