Page 3 | Accused of cheating and dumped at Xmas

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 22:37

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 27/12/2025 22:36

Ignore the victim-blamers telling you that you need to take responsibility for having allowed this man to abuse you.

He's gone, thank goodness. Hallelujah.

But he isn’t. This guy will be back; once he feels he has punished her enough. And look at her posts… read between the lines. She wants to take him back.

So yeah, she needs some sense shaken into her.

Original poster

Popie123 · 27/12/2025 22:41

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 22:37

But he isn’t. This guy will be back; once he feels he has punished her enough. And look at her posts… read between the lines. She wants to take him back.

So yeah, she needs some sense shaken into her.

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I'm not really sure where abouts I have said I wanted to take him back? I posted on here maybe as it's easier for me to talk to strangers than in real life I'm not sure why you seem so angry ?

OP posts:

Endofyear · 27/12/2025 22:47

I think you have ignored the red flags and it sounds like there were many. If you are having to appease someone and lying because you fear his reaction, that tells you all you need to know about the relationship. See this for the lucky escape it is and think about why you were willing to overlook his coercive controlling behaviour up until now. Don't make the same mistake again.

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 22:49

Popie123 · 27/12/2025 22:41

I'm not really sure where abouts I have said I wanted to take him back? I posted on here maybe as it's easier for me to talk to strangers than in real life I'm not sure why you seem so angry ?

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You should talk to someone in real life. Or do the freedom programme online. But do something, because you stayed with a new guy you had no real connection to even though he showed you serious red flags from early on. That is a warning to you to learn why, so you don’t do it again.

There are so many of these men out there. If you are an adult women who is dating, you must be able to walk away from a man you barely know when he starts showing this stuff. There is nothing you can do about the insidious ones who wait and wait until you’re in deep. But you can absolutely protect yourself against men like this. And it really is a vital skill for any women who is dating. Or you end up with a guy like this, talking about how you thought he was amazing whilst listing all the awful things he did…

Pollqueen · 27/12/2025 22:50

He is insane, truly and you have had a very luck escape. Thank your lucky stars and for the love of God don't get sucked in when he has finished punishing you and comes crawling back, which he will

Jossse · 27/12/2025 22:56

🚩

Whitesapphire · 27/12/2025 23:00

Yeah tbf OP you have posted about this man before and you don’t listen or do anything. It seems it’s only over now because he has decided it?

Original poster

Popie123 · 27/12/2025 23:00

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 22:49

You should talk to someone in real life. Or do the freedom programme online. But do something, because you stayed with a new guy you had no real connection to even though he showed you serious red flags from early on. That is a warning to you to learn why, so you don’t do it again.

There are so many of these men out there. If you are an adult women who is dating, you must be able to walk away from a man you barely know when he starts showing this stuff. There is nothing you can do about the insidious ones who wait and wait until you’re in deep. But you can absolutely protect yourself against men like this. And it really is a vital skill for any women who is dating. Or you end up with a guy like this, talking about how you thought he was amazing whilst listing all the awful things he did…

Show quote history

I won't waste my time going back and fourth with you , not sure if you think I'm an easy target cos I've tolerated shit from an absolute cunt but I can assure you I'm not, I'm usually a very strong independent woman so I won't be diagnosed or told about my character by you sorry .

Whilst some of what you are saying makes sense , your delivery is very off and comes across as victim shaming , again abuse does not have to happen over years, It can happen at any point during any Rship, friendship , family whatever it may look like maybe have a look on the woman's aid website if you need clarification . I also did not confirm when it started and whilst yes we do not have kids spending nearly every day with someone for a year and building a bond is something and if you think otherwise your very ignorant

and good for you if you'd leave your partner at any sign of abuse .. we all think we would until it happens to us

women who victim shame other women In other rships are the worse type of women in my opinion and all you so is reinforce what the men who are dishing out the abuse believe about these women, that we are weak , have something wrong with us and are desperate .. like I said you sound like one of the abusers in the language you have used.

im not sure if you think im some weak vulnerable woman with no support system but please do not insult my intelligence again thats not me

OP posts:

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 27/12/2025 23:02

Popie123 · 27/12/2025 22:07

When I have missed his calls in the past for genuine reasons he will act off with me and start questioning me.. even if I was in the shower he will go silent on the phone like he is plotting and thinking something in his head then blurt something out. Any time I have offered my phone for evidence he won't even look at it and turns his head away. I have been accused of sleeping with people at work if I'm in traffic on the way home, he said he knows the route and it doesn't take that long

Any time I have offered my phone for evidence he won't even look at it and turns his head away.

That's because his accusations aren't actually about your fidelity, but are a means for him to control you. If you supply evidence that you've been faithful, he can't use accusations of cheating as a stick to whip you into line with.

Do not, under any circumstances, take him back. Block him on everything.

Abouttoblow · 27/12/2025 23:03

Seriously OP, read back through your own posts.
You know he's abusive.
Be thankful you're no longer involved with him.
You've had a very lucky escape.

Jonnyenglish · 27/12/2025 23:06

Popie123 · 27/12/2025 21:16

Hi

I have been seeing a guy for the last year, we have not had the official Rship talk but we are together almost everyday and have spoke of a future together, all his friends and family know about me and vice versa

from the start I have seen signs he may have been insecure 'jokes' about other men all the time, what I wear, doesn't like me wearing make up , if I get 'done up' or wear lipstick comments about I don't do that for him all in a jokey way but I don't believe they are jokes

I brushed this off cos when we are on good terms he is a very loving caring man

not to blow my own trumpet but on paper I have alot more going for me, I earned significantly more than him, ( when he was working) he has recently lost his job, tbf to him he has had multiple interviews since but has not got and of them, I feel he may have been threatened by me

The week before Xmas I went on my work Christmas do, I missed a few of his calls as I was chatting to colleagues when I finally did see his calls he started accusing me of talking to guys etc , he did still pick me up but when we got back to my place it escalated, I told a small lie as I was scared of his reaction ( told him no men approached me that night when some did ) I ended up slipping and apologises sincerely for lying, he left my house and I have not seen him since, that weekend we were meant to be celebrating my Birthday together although nothing was actually booked.. he proceeded to dah he would no longer be celebrating my bday with me as I am liar and a slag, he also messaged my friend to tell her this

my birthday was Boxing Day , I did not so much as get a happy bday from him Nor a merry Xmas , he has told me to leave him alone said he has found out numerous things about me and has blocked me every where and says he never wants to talk to me again

i am in utter shock! I have not so much as looked at another man since I met him and he absolutely could have not found out anything! This has totally ruined my Xmas and bday and I don't know what to even think at this point

your free from that pickle. all the best op

BootsandCatss · 27/12/2025 23:07

You weren’t even officially together and that’s how he was acting? You’ve had a very lucky escape there! Let him believe all of that nonsense his head has made up and stay well clear.

Jas683 · 27/12/2025 23:09

unrsnblyannoyd · 27/12/2025 21:32

OP stop. Read your post back. You told a lie because you were afraid of his reaction to you speaking to a man / men on a night out? He’s done you a favour. Be prepared for this poor excuse to suddenly get in contact. If he does, he’ll be sweetness and light. He’ll tell you how sorry he is. It’s just that he loves you. You’re so special to him he can’t stand the thought of losing you. He knows he’s wrong to have reacted like that and if you’ll just give him a chance he’ll prove to you that he’s not really like this. Spoiler alert - he is. If this man tries to approach you again tell him to take a long walk on a short pier x

Exactly this.....

Shouldbeworkingnotreadingtalk · 27/12/2025 23:12

This is classic narcissistic behaviour. Google the signs. Push you. Pull you. Make you doubt yourself. . I’m very pleased you seem to be realising it’s not normal - and I hope you don’t go back to him - and instead have a crappy few weeks, but then a wonderful life … 2026 will be your year to thrive without this tw.at.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 27/12/2025 23:19

Popie123 · 27/12/2025 23:00

I won't waste my time going back and fourth with you , not sure if you think I'm an easy target cos I've tolerated shit from an absolute cunt but I can assure you I'm not, I'm usually a very strong independent woman so I won't be diagnosed or told about my character by you sorry .

Whilst some of what you are saying makes sense , your delivery is very off and comes across as victim shaming , again abuse does not have to happen over years, It can happen at any point during any Rship, friendship , family whatever it may look like maybe have a look on the woman's aid website if you need clarification . I also did not confirm when it started and whilst yes we do not have kids spending nearly every day with someone for a year and building a bond is something and if you think otherwise your very ignorant

and good for you if you'd leave your partner at any sign of abuse .. we all think we would until it happens to us

women who victim shame other women In other rships are the worse type of women in my opinion and all you so is reinforce what the men who are dishing out the abuse believe about these women, that we are weak , have something wrong with us and are desperate .. like I said you sound like one of the abusers in the language you have used.

im not sure if you think im some weak vulnerable woman with no support system but please do not insult my intelligence again thats not me

Show quote history

Bobi is telling some truths here. Women who have healthy boundaries do reject abusive men who show their true colours early on. These men pick women who have poor boundaries, come across as needy or lonely, are disabled, or for any other reason look like an easy target. This decision is the men's fault because a decent person doesn't see a vulnerable person and think "I know, I'll abuse them". It's not the woman's fault. Women don't think "I know, I'll have poor boundaries". Don't interpret Bobi's assessment of your boundaries as blaming you, rather as constructive criticism to help you avoid a man like this in future.

Bobi's advice to take the Freedom Programme is solid and you should heed it. It will help tune up your bullshit detector so that next time around, you realise sooner and end it sooner.

A loving relationship should be calm, not dramatic. It should be nice in a boring way, like getting into a jacuzzi. It shouldn't feel like a rollercoaster.

I'm usually a very strong independent woman

This is true for many many women: strong and independent in public, not so much in private. That we are fierce at work gives us a false sense of security when dealing with men.

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 27/12/2025 23:21

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 22:37

But he isn’t. This guy will be back; once he feels he has punished her enough. And look at her posts… read between the lines. She wants to take him back.

So yeah, she needs some sense shaken into her.

Show quote history

No she doesn't need sense 'shaken' into her. Don't treat her like a fool.

The OP can now see what's been going on, and has come on here for confirmation that he's the one in the wrong, not her. He's been doing his level best to try and make the OP feel that she's in the wrong. It takes strength to come on here and ask for help. She's got that far. Let's not make her life even more miserable than it already is by making her feel that she was wrong in a different way.

Astra53 · 27/12/2025 23:21

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 23:29

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 27/12/2025 23:21

No she doesn't need sense 'shaken' into her. Don't treat her like a fool.

The OP can now see what's been going on, and has come on here for confirmation that he's the one in the wrong, not her. He's been doing his level best to try and make the OP feel that she's in the wrong. It takes strength to come on here and ask for help. She's got that far. Let's not make her life even more miserable than it already is by making her feel that she was wrong in a different way.

Edited

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She’s posted before, and been given all the advice and then ignored it and stayed with him. You honestly think it’s different this time? Especially when she ignores anyone who tells her to get help and do the freedom programme and always goes on about how strong and independent she is and how she doesn’t need help and can see what he is… whilst going back to him.

OP, maybe you are very strong and independent but not when it comes to this man, and you clearly don’t understand why any more than we do. So get some help.

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 23:31

Popie123 · 27/12/2025 23:00

I won't waste my time going back and fourth with you , not sure if you think I'm an easy target cos I've tolerated shit from an absolute cunt but I can assure you I'm not, I'm usually a very strong independent woman so I won't be diagnosed or told about my character by you sorry .

Whilst some of what you are saying makes sense , your delivery is very off and comes across as victim shaming , again abuse does not have to happen over years, It can happen at any point during any Rship, friendship , family whatever it may look like maybe have a look on the woman's aid website if you need clarification . I also did not confirm when it started and whilst yes we do not have kids spending nearly every day with someone for a year and building a bond is something and if you think otherwise your very ignorant

and good for you if you'd leave your partner at any sign of abuse .. we all think we would until it happens to us

women who victim shame other women In other rships are the worse type of women in my opinion and all you so is reinforce what the men who are dishing out the abuse believe about these women, that we are weak , have something wrong with us and are desperate .. like I said you sound like one of the abusers in the language you have used.

im not sure if you think im some weak vulnerable woman with no support system but please do not insult my intelligence again thats not me

Show quote history

It is you. And you need to look deeply into that to figure out why, and get the tools to help you avoid it in the future.

No ine else can protect you from getting into a relationship like this. Only you can do that.
That doesn’t make it your fault; it is obviously the abusive men’s fault. But they aren’t going to stop, are they? So therefore you need to take that responsibility and arm yourself with the knowledge and tools to keep you out of another situation like this.

ManyPigeons · 28/12/2025 00:11

If you know he’s abusive why do you care that he has gone? Celebrate… he’s an abusive man and you should be happy he has gone.

PaperMachePanda · 28/12/2025 00:49

You're well rid of him.

Funny he dumps you before your birthday and around Christmas, two big events that aren't about him.

Move on op, and gently, yes you would benefit from a freedom programme.

Dollybantree · 28/12/2025 00:53

All you need to know is that this man has more red flags than a communist rally and you should be very, very thankful
that the trash has taken itself out.

And if you entertain any ideas of letting him crawl back (which the nasty, snivelling prick will surely try to do) you need your ears boxing.

Please stay strong here and block this wanker. I have two DD’s and I’d be raging if any man treated them like this. Slag indeed! What a twat.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 28/12/2025 00:58

PaperMachePanda · 28/12/2025 00:49

You're well rid of him.

Funny he dumps you before your birthday and around Christmas, two big events that aren't about him.

Move on op, and gently, yes you would benefit from a freedom programme.

He's too tight to get OP a present and is confident that she'll do the pickme dance to get him back.

This time, OP, prove him wrong.

Hohumhuee · 28/12/2025 01:09

He is insecure because he knows you are too good for him, the only way around that is to make you small, unsure and timid. At which point he’d dump you anyway because he wants someone like the original you, which he can’t handle because he’s small, unsure and a bellend. And so the cycle continues. This is entirely a him problem. Thankfully it’s become apparent before you are in too deep. It sucks right now but in the not too distant future he’ll be nothing more than an absurd footnote in your life. What a twunt.

Hohumhuee · 28/12/2025 01:11

For what it’s worth I don’t think you do need to do the freedom programme. Currently. But if you get back with him remember this thread because you will need it at some point within the next 5 (if you’re lucky) to 25 years