Found my own engagement ring, what do I do?

[Boymum2811]

My partner and I have discussed marriage quite a lot and I know he'll ask in the near future. We went shopping a few months ago and ended up in a jewelers, and I saw an amazing ring I liked, for a bit of fun I tried it on with a couple of others as I'd never really known what would suit me and thought it was harmless fun and if he knows my size plus an idea now of what I might like, then it's much easier for him to choose something, in the future.

Fast forward to 2 days ago a delivery guy knocked on the door, asked me to sign for a parcel and HE TOLD ME "it needs signing for, because it's expensive gold from Ernest Jones" firstly what an absolute Twt for telling me, but also my other half what a Twt for not being more discreet.

There was 1 rings I loved and that was wherr it was from, I burst out crying as obviously the surprise was ruined :( he was also gutted and fuming this happened and has put a complaint in and was told all packaging was discreet.

Do I accept that the surprise is now out of the bag and just leave it to my partner decide what to do about it, or do I tell him to send it back and then just leave things to happen naturally. It just doesn't feel special anymore, like this to me should be an exciting special moment for us both, but we're both left feeling upset and flat about it.

Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and be happy he's made such an effort to consider what I wanted.

I feel so conflicted about the whole thing!

I don’t get the bursting into tears. I do get being a bit disappointed that you now know the proposal is imminent, if you wanted a surprise.
I get you’ve looked and tried on rings so know it’s going to happen at some point, but if you wanted a whole surprise then that’s what you wanted.

But it’s happened, I think your reaction was a little over the top. I also think your DP should have gone to the shop to collect the ring, and the courier should have kept his mouth shut, but what’s done is done. You’ll presumably still have a nice proposal at some point, from the man you love with a ring you know you’ll also love.
I’d focus on that, and remember, when you plan your wedding it doesn’t always go to plan, and that’s ok too. It’s life, you can’t always plan things perfectly but it doesn’t mean it’s any less of an occasion.

Just get some champagne in the fridge and toast to your happiness as and when.

The indiscreet delivery bloke has ruined your surprise, not your bloke. Personally I wouldn’t have ruined it further by telling him that I knew. I would’ve eagerly awaited how he was going to do it, made sure I had my nails done 24/7 and perhaps made a joke about it later down the line.

If you’d already spoken about getting engaged then you knew there would be a ring at some point and an engagement anyway. I don’t see how this changes anything. Engagements are only truly a surprise when you’ve got no idea they’re coming. You already knew this was coming.

yes this
is it that you wanted to dine out on the proposal story

I also took delivery of my engagement ring which spoilt the surprise for me. I love surprises so I do get where you’re coming from. But! I didn’t cause a fuss and let my now DH think I didn’t know it was coming. And you know what? Leading up to the proposal, I was able to enjoy the day and really soak it all in which I wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t have known.

As previous posters have said, your future is more important and you really need to put it in to perspective of how lucky you are that you've found someone you’re happy to spend the rest of your life with. Some people would give their right arm for that.

Did you have to tell your partner at all? You could have just left the package for him and been excited about what you had heard. You don’t know for sure which ring it is and you don’t know when it willl be.

this

What has being a mother got to do with it? It doesn't protect you from criticism.

You asked if you were being unreasonable, the answer is yes.

How did the courier magically know what was in the parcel?

Lots of us have had proposals. Do you know my only regret? Not choosing a second hand ring and insisting on a new one. We'd have got much more for the money if I had picked an older ring!

I'm 7yrs married so not exactly an old gimmer, but I assure you that having also picked ring options out together and knowing the proposal is coming means that any proposal is basically now transactional, not romantic.

How was the surprise ruined? You said in your post you knew he was going to propose, so it's hardly a suprise. Bursting into tears if just way over the top
In fairness to the courier, he may have thought it was something you ordered therefore not knowing he let the cat out of the bag. Why would you complain for someone doing their job. And marriage is far more special than a big romantic gesture, he can still do that. Did you open the parcel? If not then the surprise isn't ruined as you won't know what ring he chose.

Maybe you need to grow up before you consider marriage.

Why does being a mother mean you are exempt from criticism?
And you can still do the whole instagram proposal story with rose petals and romantic music, if that's what you are so upset about. No-one scrolling through insta is going to know the delivery man ruined the surprise.

It is SO overused on here but, OP, you sound unhinged. 👍🏼

The number of thread we get on her where the fiancée discovers the ring in advance, doesn’t like it and is wailing about what to dooooooo!

if you want to enjoy this ‘future’ engagement you need to stop right now. Forget about it and enjoy the prospect of getting married.

equally - I would expect an expensive piece of jewellery to be collected? Not send in the post?

It's the ring you love. From the man you love and will spend the rest of your life with, a funny story in years to come.

Congrats 👏

OP: AIBU?
Most responses: Yes
OP: Waaaahhhhhhh

How did the delivery person know it was expensive gold from Ernest Jones?

He didn't, I call BS on this part of the story. The driver might have known the package was from Ernest Jones but he'd have no idea what was in it. And i doubt he'd be in the slightest bit interested either. Suspect OP went a-snooping, hence the thread title.

Complete overreaction. Marriage isn’t about the ring, the proposal nor indeed the wedding. It’s about the commitment. You’ve completely lost sight of the whole point. Be grateful, laugh, and move on.

Why on earth didn’t your partner go in to collect it? To me that’s the problem here and yes I’d be disappointed that my partner knew I wanted a special surprise but couldn’t even do the basics to make sure that happened.

Your partner is a twat for getting it delivered. If he really cared about the surprise, he would not risk a delivery.

All that said, lots of tears over nothing. You talked about marriage, you even chose your own ring. There is no surprise there, is there?

Made to feel like they're 'not valued' by who exactly?

Other women who choose to indulge in the social media nonsense?

It's time we stopped making excuses and accept that most women know their own minds.

We're not all sheep or plasticine.

You should split up.

He deserves somebody better.

You are being ridiculous. Laugh it off, make a fun story out of it, ask him to surprise you with a “proper” proposal since that’s important to both of you. But mostly, enjoy the fact that you have a partner who wants to make you happy and wants to spend their life with you. Think how much bigger that is than one romantic moment.

Some things were so much easier years ago. This is one of them

YABU to think we believe a delivery person would actually say that 🤔 😂

What immature rubbish have l just read 🙄