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Original poster

Found my own engagement ring, what do I do?

294 replies

Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 13:55

My partner and I have discussed marriage quite a lot and I know he'll ask in the near future. We went shopping a few months ago and ended up in a jewelers, and I saw an amazing ring I liked, for a bit of fun I tried it on with a couple of others as I'd never really known what would suit me and thought it was harmless fun and if he knows my size plus an idea now of what I might like, then it's much easier for him to choose something, in the future.

Fast forward to 2 days ago a delivery guy knocked on the door, asked me to sign for a parcel and HE TOLD ME "it needs signing for, because it's expensive gold from Ernest Jones" firstly what an absolute Twt for telling me, but also my other half what a Twt for not being more discreet.

There was 1 rings I loved and that was wherr it was from, I burst out crying as obviously the surprise was ruined :( he was also gutted and fuming this happened and has put a complaint in and was told all packaging was discreet.

Do I accept that the surprise is now out of the bag and just leave it to my partner decide what to do about it, or do I tell him to send it back and then just leave things to happen naturally. It just doesn't feel special anymore, like this to me should be an exciting special moment for us both, but we're both left feeling upset and flat about it.

Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and be happy he's made such an effort to consider what I wanted.

I feel so conflicted about the whole thing!

OP posts:
Darkdiamond · 21/12/2025 14:38

As someone who believes that the most important thing is the actual marriage, I dont think youre being unreasonable. Mumsnet cannot stand when anyone feels sentimental, when someone wants a surprise or expects a bit of a fuss on their birthday. Life is not all about pragmatic decisions; there are joyous moments that we look forward to that aren't just executed like spreadsheets. Romance is important to some people. My husband planned a lovely surprise proposal and it's a very happy memory for me. We had a very small, modest wedding and have had a very happy marriage so far.

I completely understand why you felt disappointed that the wind has been taken out of your sails. Its important to you and doesnt mean that you dont value your boyfriend or that youre shallow or superficial. The 'surprise' is one of the reasons why so many women choose not to find out the sex of their baby until the birth, and yet everyone knows that the most important thing is that the child is delivered safely. Having a moment during big life events is important to a lot of people and that's ok.

What I would do is have a chat with your partner and explain that you know there has been a ring delivered, you suspect that tlits the one you wanted but you still would like some element of surprise and leave it with him. Let him plan something and enjoy that element of surprise. Over time, being engaged will have such a lovely novelty feeling and that will replace the initial damp squib feeling. Looking at your hand and admiring the sparkles for the forseeable future will be exciting too. Planning a wedding will then take precedence, and choosing a wedding ring to match your engagement ring will be more fun too!

In time, you will be able to laugh about the initial spoiled surprise, and the flat feeling will pass. You will have some diamonds for life, have so many exciting things to plan and ultimately a lovely husband and the rest of your life to build something really special and meaningful with the one you love.

Come back in a few years to confirm that the ring mix-up really didn't matter in the end x

HeadyLamarr · 21/12/2025 14:38

blacksax · 21/12/2025 14:34

'I can't believe I'm reading this'

Me neither.

I've just twigged from the OP's user name that this is the actual parent of another human being.

And she's acting like a 13 year old brat because the man she's discussed marriage with has bought her the ring she wants and she knows. What the ever-loving fuck is she on about ?

Frynye · 21/12/2025 14:39

Honestly. Just get engaged. You will laugh about this in the future. It’s a good engagement story

viques · 21/12/2025 14:39

I think the time to burst into tears and start a thread on MN is if when the ring is finally put to use ( ie he proposes and hands it to you) it turns out

it isn’t the one you wanted,
or
is the wrong size,
or
you don’t like it any more.

Do keep us informed.

rainbowsinheaven · 21/12/2025 14:39

Yeah I agree with the others. You’re massively overreacting. Just be happy he’s listened and hopefully got you the ring you want xx

SeriaMau · 21/12/2025 14:39

LTB.

Differentforgirls · 21/12/2025 14:40

Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 13:55

My partner and I have discussed marriage quite a lot and I know he'll ask in the near future. We went shopping a few months ago and ended up in a jewelers, and I saw an amazing ring I liked, for a bit of fun I tried it on with a couple of others as I'd never really known what would suit me and thought it was harmless fun and if he knows my size plus an idea now of what I might like, then it's much easier for him to choose something, in the future.

Fast forward to 2 days ago a delivery guy knocked on the door, asked me to sign for a parcel and HE TOLD ME "it needs signing for, because it's expensive gold from Ernest Jones" firstly what an absolute Twt for telling me, but also my other half what a Twt for not being more discreet.

There was 1 rings I loved and that was wherr it was from, I burst out crying as obviously the surprise was ruined :( he was also gutted and fuming this happened and has put a complaint in and was told all packaging was discreet.

Do I accept that the surprise is now out of the bag and just leave it to my partner decide what to do about it, or do I tell him to send it back and then just leave things to happen naturally. It just doesn't feel special anymore, like this to me should be an exciting special moment for us both, but we're both left feeling upset and flat about it.

Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and be happy he's made such an effort to consider what I wanted.

I feel so conflicted about the whole thing!

.

HeadyLamarr · 21/12/2025 14:40

viques · 21/12/2025 14:39

I think the time to burst into tears and start a thread on MN is if when the ring is finally put to use ( ie he proposes and hands it to you) it turns out

it isn’t the one you wanted,
or
is the wrong size,
or
you don’t like it any more.

Do keep us informed.

Or when you realise Alan Rickman gave the jewellery to someone else and you got the Joni Mitchell album 😄

MatchaTea1 · 21/12/2025 14:40

What ring is it, can you post a link?

user46256728992 · 21/12/2025 14:41

Oh dear - I shouldn’t worry, if your DP has seen this reaction to something so trivial he’s probably already sent the ring back and changed is mind about asking!
It’s being married to the right person that matters, not the ring, the proposal, or the wedding.

Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 21/12/2025 14:42

Good god are you 13? And you have a child?

333FionaG · 21/12/2025 14:42

viques · 21/12/2025 14:39

I think the time to burst into tears and start a thread on MN is if when the ring is finally put to use ( ie he proposes and hands it to you) it turns out

it isn’t the one you wanted,
or
is the wrong size,
or
you don’t like it any more.

Do keep us informed.

Or he's changed his mind and the ring is for someone else.

notacooldad · 21/12/2025 14:43

What a drama!!!

awrbc81 · 21/12/2025 14:43

I think it’s still going to be a surprise when he proposes and you’re getting the ring you loved. You sound a little bit spoilt, the engagement is the important thing not the ring or proposal

TBC99 · 21/12/2025 14:44

Yes, you're overreacting.

I mean it wasn't really a surprise anyway was it as you'd given him a very clear direction as to what you wanted

ReyRey12 · 21/12/2025 14:45

You agreed that you will be getting engaged within the next few months. You went ting shopping and tried on rings. He then later picked one and it arrived. Now you knwo he has bought a wing you wanted within a time frame you had agreed. I don't know how anything has been ruined?

Darkdiamond · 21/12/2025 14:46

user46256728992 · 21/12/2025 14:41

Oh dear - I shouldn’t worry, if your DP has seen this reaction to something so trivial he’s probably already sent the ring back and changed is mind about asking!
It’s being married to the right person that matters, not the ring, the proposal, or the wedding.

The marriage is the most important thing, but being engaged and having whatever kind of wedding one wants are important to people too. My wedding was very small and my dress was plain and inexpensive, but it was still an important day. The marriage is the most important thing by far but I hate this either/or attitude.

ChristmasFaery · 21/12/2025 14:46

How did the delivery person know it was expensive gold from Ernest Jones? Why did your partner complain and why was he fuming? Surely he’d have got a tracking number and a window of time it would be delivered in for something so expensive?

This is a drama over nothing imo.

ohtowinthelottery · 21/12/2025 14:46

I hope you never have anything really traumatic to cope with in your life OP, if this is how you react to this.
At the most you could feel a little disappointed maybe, but bursting into tears and all this drama is a complete overreaction.

Happyjoe · 21/12/2025 14:48

So you've both talked about getting hitched a lot.
You went to try on rings, just for fun.
He has now bought you the ring you liked (good sign!)
And because postie ruined the 'surprise', you're all upset and cried?!

To be frank, it's not that much of a surprise when you've already talked about it at length, knew he'd propose and you've tried on rings already.

Just laugh about it, this is the only response it requires!! Be happy, it's a lovely thing that's happening! Same for your hubby to be, stop being fuming!

Some things are beyond your control and this is one of them. Life is full of ups and downs, please don't dwell on the stuff you can't control.

ZoeCM · 21/12/2025 14:49

This has to be a joke, surely? It was never going to be a surprise, you've already tried the ring on! "Proposals" that take place after the couple have already agreed to get married are embarrassingly fake, anyway.

The way you talk about your partner is very off-putting. You say he's a twat for not being more discreet, which is a massive overreaction. And you ask if you should "tell" him to send it back, not even "ask"? If I were him I'd be seriously reconsidering marriage altogether.

Neverflyingagain · 21/12/2025 14:49

You cried on the delivery person?
I can't tell from your post whether your almost fiancé knows you know that the ring has arrived. Or if he knows that his parcel arrived but you are none the wiser as to content.
As others have said, it's the relationship and marriage that's important. Having a nice proposal is lovely but it shouldn't be a make or break situation. From what you've said, you have a great man who listens to you and has taken care to choose a ring that you will love. Don't jeopardize that.

Original poster
Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 14:49

Goodness me! I definitely think a lot of you got out on the wrong side of the bed. I'm telling you a snippet of the story.

My partner was also genuinely upset. He WANTS it to be special, not finding out a ring I liked was delivered and basically blurted out wrongly by the Delivery guy.

Why would we not want it to feel special it's what we BOTH want..of course I know he would ask, of course I know we will get married eventually. But there a very few occasions in someone's life you get a special intimate moment like proposing. So yes I can totally get on board with overreacting but also who doesn't want to feel special and it be romantic and that's what he wants.

There really is some unhappy human beings on here, and to comment on someone having a child, look in the mirror, you are slating a mother over the internet.

Anyway thanks to those who understand a little about how I was feeling. I appreciate it.

Have a lovely day all!

OP posts:
Dulcie6 · 21/12/2025 14:50

Sorry, but I do think you are overreacting.

The main thing is, he wants to marry you and he’s purchased the ring you love. It doesn’t get better than that. Yes, ideally it would’ve been nice to have the surprise but how magical that he got exactly what you want.

Personally, I would just keep the ring and let him decide when he wants to propose.

I picked my own ring and partner proposed in the living room when it arrived in the post. To me that was fine, but I know others have higher expectations.

AwfullyGood · 21/12/2025 14:50

What a load of self indulent, immature nonsense?

Such needless drama.

You do want to get married or not? It's that simple.