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Original poster

Found my own engagement ring, what do I do?

294 replies

Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 13:55

My partner and I have discussed marriage quite a lot and I know he'll ask in the near future. We went shopping a few months ago and ended up in a jewelers, and I saw an amazing ring I liked, for a bit of fun I tried it on with a couple of others as I'd never really known what would suit me and thought it was harmless fun and if he knows my size plus an idea now of what I might like, then it's much easier for him to choose something, in the future.

Fast forward to 2 days ago a delivery guy knocked on the door, asked me to sign for a parcel and HE TOLD ME "it needs signing for, because it's expensive gold from Ernest Jones" firstly what an absolute Twt for telling me, but also my other half what a Twt for not being more discreet.

There was 1 rings I loved and that was wherr it was from, I burst out crying as obviously the surprise was ruined :( he was also gutted and fuming this happened and has put a complaint in and was told all packaging was discreet.

Do I accept that the surprise is now out of the bag and just leave it to my partner decide what to do about it, or do I tell him to send it back and then just leave things to happen naturally. It just doesn't feel special anymore, like this to me should be an exciting special moment for us both, but we're both left feeling upset and flat about it.

Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and be happy he's made such an effort to consider what I wanted.

I feel so conflicted about the whole thing!

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 21/12/2025 20:28

So you know he's bought a ring and are gutted you know. And want to send it back?

Gosh...

Hankunamatata · 21/12/2025 20:28

Out of curiosity what if he had ordered you a really nice expensive item of jewelry and not a ring. You kind of jumped to the conclusion it was a ring.

Hankunamatata · 21/12/2025 20:31

I suppose I don't get it. Why does it need to be a surprise or some planned affair. Surely it would have been just as nice if he wipped the ring out of packing, dropped on one knee and proposed.

This is a tiny snap shot. Marriage is a long haul

itbemay1 · 21/12/2025 20:58

Huge overreaction. Sorry life isn’t Instagram moments. Just wear the ring and plan your wedding!

Misanthropologie · 21/12/2025 21:05

What 'surprise', for heaven's sake?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/12/2025 21:19

You’re mad

TheGrimSmile · 21/12/2025 22:34

This can't be real.

wineosaurusrex · 21/12/2025 22:49

You are overreacting. You tried on rings in front of him! You already knew which one he was going to choose. Why does it all need to be such a surprise?

Milosc · 21/12/2025 23:32

FleurDeFleur · 21/12/2025 20:13

They already live together and are parents. I actually think those are very big steps!

Show quote history

All the more ridiculous then to act like it is the end of the world. Marriage is a contract. Living together is not. As far as having a child and then crying about this 🙄 She already made a lifetime commitment having a child with him. FFS she needs to grow up.

saminamama · 21/12/2025 23:35

I get why you feel upset, I would too; but what a thoughtful man that he got the one you liked

the moment he chooses to ask can still be a surprise

Pistachiocake · 22/12/2025 00:12

Justlostmybagel · 21/12/2025 14:00

Overreacting. This might seems like a massive deal right now, but it won't be in a couple of years.

Agree, some of the best marriages started with the couple having a casual chat at the gym or supermarket, and popping to H Samuel to get a ring. When did having to have the Taylor Swift engagement become such a big thing? It's not that long ago I got married, yet I feel like I'm from a different century reading this.

Bones101 · 22/12/2025 00:53

This wasn't a surprise proposal gone wrong. You knew it was coming 🤣

SerafinasGoose · 22/12/2025 09:37

Aries66 · 21/12/2025 19:42

Could be a cock ring....

Show quote history

Now that would be a surprise!

Chiseltip · 22/12/2025 11:25

Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 13:55

My partner and I have discussed marriage quite a lot and I know he'll ask in the near future. We went shopping a few months ago and ended up in a jewelers, and I saw an amazing ring I liked, for a bit of fun I tried it on with a couple of others as I'd never really known what would suit me and thought it was harmless fun and if he knows my size plus an idea now of what I might like, then it's much easier for him to choose something, in the future.

Fast forward to 2 days ago a delivery guy knocked on the door, asked me to sign for a parcel and HE TOLD ME "it needs signing for, because it's expensive gold from Ernest Jones" firstly what an absolute Twt for telling me, but also my other half what a Twt for not being more discreet.

There was 1 rings I loved and that was wherr it was from, I burst out crying as obviously the surprise was ruined :( he was also gutted and fuming this happened and has put a complaint in and was told all packaging was discreet.

Do I accept that the surprise is now out of the bag and just leave it to my partner decide what to do about it, or do I tell him to send it back and then just leave things to happen naturally. It just doesn't feel special anymore, like this to me should be an exciting special moment for us both, but we're both left feeling upset and flat about it.

Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and be happy he's made such an effort to consider what I wanted.

I feel so conflicted about the whole thing!

What "surprise"?

You got engaged the moment you started talking about it. What did you think was going on when you were looking at rings?

This is all very strange.

Clonakilla · 22/12/2025 12:46

I don’t really understand how it’s ruined if you were involved in looking at rings and pointing out what you liked? It’s already not the traditional complete romantic surprise, and that’s fine.

If you’ve already got a child etc it’s not really the traditional proposal either. There’s no reason to be upset that a proposal you knew was coming, with a ring you’d already tried on, when you already have a family together isn’t like a scene from a romantic movie. You’re getting married, enjoy it.

Lotsnlotsoflove · 22/12/2025 13:15

marriage is difficult - you are likely going to navigate lots of difficult things- illnesses, bereavements, loss of sex drive, money worries, mental health, children and their needs and problems - this is seriously small stuff. Forget it.

Mermaidsarereal · 22/12/2025 17:42

My hubby told me when he planned to propose to me when he was drunk 😂 I was quite glad for the heads up to be honest! I think you're overreacting, sorry!

Heyhoitsme · 22/12/2025 17:53

Stop being a drama queen.

Klmcq32 · 22/12/2025 18:05

I would 100% say suck it up and allow him to actually surprise you with the engagement. -And be delighted he got the ring you liked!

I found my engagement ring! Well not the actual ring. The documents that come with the sale to show the quality etc. I quietly put it away and waited for my hubby to surprise me. Now married with two kids and a dog.

I don't think you've any reason to spoil anything at all!?

CommonAsMucklowe · 22/12/2025 18:10

Massive overreaction on your part. It's just the ring, he hasn't ruined the actual proposal itself. HTB should just wait a bit now, let this die down and propose out of the blue in the future, valentine's day perhaps???

TheMightyWanderer · 22/12/2025 18:19

Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 13:55

My partner and I have discussed marriage quite a lot and I know he'll ask in the near future. We went shopping a few months ago and ended up in a jewelers, and I saw an amazing ring I liked, for a bit of fun I tried it on with a couple of others as I'd never really known what would suit me and thought it was harmless fun and if he knows my size plus an idea now of what I might like, then it's much easier for him to choose something, in the future.

Fast forward to 2 days ago a delivery guy knocked on the door, asked me to sign for a parcel and HE TOLD ME "it needs signing for, because it's expensive gold from Ernest Jones" firstly what an absolute Twt for telling me, but also my other half what a Twt for not being more discreet.

There was 1 rings I loved and that was wherr it was from, I burst out crying as obviously the surprise was ruined :( he was also gutted and fuming this happened and has put a complaint in and was told all packaging was discreet.

Do I accept that the surprise is now out of the bag and just leave it to my partner decide what to do about it, or do I tell him to send it back and then just leave things to happen naturally. It just doesn't feel special anymore, like this to me should be an exciting special moment for us both, but we're both left feeling upset and flat about it.

Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and be happy he's made such an effort to consider what I wanted.

I feel so conflicted about the whole thing!

I am really struggling to understand what you’re upset about. Your fiancé got exactly the ring you wanted, you already knew you were going to get engaged at some point in the near future, and the proposal hasn’t been “ruined” because you still don’t know when/where/how he was going to ask anyway?!

Charmatt · 22/12/2025 18:43

I'd swap with my experience....

We were 20 years old and had been together two and a half years. I was a university student and he was working - we'd met at FE college. We were going away on holiday and I hadn't thought we'd think about marriage until after my degree - 2 years away (4 Yr degree - both living with our own parents).

We were due to go away and a few days before we went out for a drink. He was obviously very down about something and when I asked him about it, he said he had planned to propose when we were on holiday but when he told his parents his mother had said she didn't want him to. She then launched into a tirade telling him that he was only born because his older brother had died as a baby and she only wanted 2 children (he had an older sister), that his older brother wouldn't have left her and that if he was intent on going ahead with proposing then she'd write him out of his will.

Not only was it going to be a total surprise, but his mother spoilt it.

...he still asked me and I accepted. We married in the summer after I finished my degree. We are still together 31 years later. His mother said it was nothing personal....it's one of a number of things she has said and done - I could write a book....

She is a lonely, miserable old woman. He sees her every 2 weeks to sort out her bills etc. I see her once a year if she's lucky!

Be happy you have someone who loves you and wants to share their life with you - it's a gift!

YourLoyalPlumOP · 22/12/2025 18:46

Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 14:49

Goodness me! I definitely think a lot of you got out on the wrong side of the bed. I'm telling you a snippet of the story.

My partner was also genuinely upset. He WANTS it to be special, not finding out a ring I liked was delivered and basically blurted out wrongly by the Delivery guy.

Why would we not want it to feel special it's what we BOTH want..of course I know he would ask, of course I know we will get married eventually. But there a very few occasions in someone's life you get a special intimate moment like proposing. So yes I can totally get on board with overreacting but also who doesn't want to feel special and it be romantic and that's what he wants.

There really is some unhappy human beings on here, and to comment on someone having a child, look in the mirror, you are slating a mother over the internet.

Anyway thanks to those who understand a little about how I was feeling. I appreciate it.

Have a lovely day all!

I personally think it’s an overreaction too I’m afraid

you've got a gorgeous ring. Gorgeous fiancé. Happy life I assume.

the surprise isn’t a huge thing. I didn’t have a surprise.

honestly after being married for 20 years this will be a distant memory.

it’s only something you knew would happen at some point anyway.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 22/12/2025 18:48

Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 14:49

Goodness me! I definitely think a lot of you got out on the wrong side of the bed. I'm telling you a snippet of the story.

My partner was also genuinely upset. He WANTS it to be special, not finding out a ring I liked was delivered and basically blurted out wrongly by the Delivery guy.

Why would we not want it to feel special it's what we BOTH want..of course I know he would ask, of course I know we will get married eventually. But there a very few occasions in someone's life you get a special intimate moment like proposing. So yes I can totally get on board with overreacting but also who doesn't want to feel special and it be romantic and that's what he wants.

There really is some unhappy human beings on here, and to comment on someone having a child, look in the mirror, you are slating a mother over the internet.

Anyway thanks to those who understand a little about how I was feeling. I appreciate it.

Have a lovely day all!

I mean. This is Mumsnet. Most people who post are mums….i don’t get that bit

YourLoyalPlumOP · 22/12/2025 18:49

Christmascaketime · 21/12/2025 15:34

Total overreaction. Why did you open something not for you. It could have been earrings or a necklace etc.
If he proposes that’s what you’ll remember.
Myself and Dh had conversation and decided to get married in McDonalds, no engagement ring. Married 25 years. Zero regrets.

You didn’t read the post did you.