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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found my own engagement ring, what do I do?

294 replies

Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 13:55

My partner and I have discussed marriage quite a lot and I know he'll ask in the near future. We went shopping a few months ago and ended up in a jewelers, and I saw an amazing ring I liked, for a bit of fun I tried it on with a couple of others as I'd never really known what would suit me and thought it was harmless fun and if he knows my size plus an idea now of what I might like, then it's much easier for him to choose something, in the future.

Fast forward to 2 days ago a delivery guy knocked on the door, asked me to sign for a parcel and HE TOLD ME "it needs signing for, because it's expensive gold from Ernest Jones" firstly what an absolute Twt for telling me, but also my other half what a Twt for not being more discreet.

There was 1 rings I loved and that was wherr it was from, I burst out crying as obviously the surprise was ruined :( he was also gutted and fuming this happened and has put a complaint in and was told all packaging was discreet.

Do I accept that the surprise is now out of the bag and just leave it to my partner decide what to do about it, or do I tell him to send it back and then just leave things to happen naturally. It just doesn't feel special anymore, like this to me should be an exciting special moment for us both, but we're both left feeling upset and flat about it.

Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and be happy he's made such an effort to consider what I wanted.

I feel so conflicted about the whole thing!

OP posts:
Poodlelove · 21/12/2025 16:03

I think it's wonderful but you spoilt the surprise, you should have kept quiet as now your partners surprise is spoilt.

FlowerUser · 21/12/2025 16:05

Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 15:31

Thanks all. Tbf we both did laugh afterwards and yes the delivery guy did say it was from Ernest Jones and Gold of a high value, plus the sticker on the front said Ernest Jones. My partner was stood behind me at the door peed off when he realised what was happening. So unfortunately it isn't made up, the delivery guy or store cocked up!

I actually agree it will be a funny story to tell, I just think we both wanted it to happen differently.

Also in response to those asking what my child or being a mother has to do with it, your right nothing but some lovely people on here are insinuating I must be a terrible mother because I was upset over this.

I 100% agree I overreacted but I don't agree that I'm not allowed to feel a bit disappointed.

We bought our wedding and engagement rings together about 18 months before DH proposed. The pandemic got in the way hence not being asked sooner.

The rings all match and DH wanted to be sure that I would like my ring.

All I asked was that he surprise me with the proposal and it not happen on my birthday or Christmas.

One summer evening for no particular reason, we went to our favourite restaurant. He had the ring in his pocket and asked me over cocktails. A total surprise. And it was lovely.

So maybe your soon to be fiancé can surprise you with the proposal?

I'm sorry it's disappointing, but I hope you have a wonderful engagement and marriage.

FleurDeFleur · 21/12/2025 16:05

SerafinasGoose · 21/12/2025 15:58

It's this 'made to feel' idea that people on this board are mainly taking issue with. It's antediluvian, misogynistic nonsense. The measure of a woman's worth does not hinge on her ability to catch and keep a man.

It seems to me that in recent years, from the 2010s onward, we are regressing in this respect rather than the reverse.

Show quote history

Quite. It's like we're going back in time, and not in a good way.

gogomomo2 · 21/12/2025 16:08

Just be happy, you are an adult,

Andthatrightsoon · 21/12/2025 16:09

Bloody hell, OP, how do you get through life?!

OneFunBrickNewt · 21/12/2025 16:10

Do you love this person? Yes- great- he got you a ring.
No- shit- problem.
That's what the issue is- anything else, not relevant.

Scout2016 · 21/12/2025 16:13

SerafinasGoose · 21/12/2025 15:58

It's this 'made to feel' idea that people on this board are mainly taking issue with. It's antediluvian, misogynistic nonsense. The measure of a woman's worth does not hinge on her ability to catch and keep a man.

It seems to me that in recent years, from the 2010s onward, we are regressing in this respect rather than the reverse.

Show quote history

I agree. I got told by a relative to send someone a "congratulations on your engagement card." I said it was unnecessary and the person newly engaged never sent me one when I was getting married, and I was told that didn't count as being engaged because I didn't have a ring. I dunno what they thought that period between our agreement to marry and getting married was then.

I found the recent thread about a chap who got dumped because he wouldn't commit to getting married rather refreshing, not least because the vast majority of responses were "good for her".

Fingernailbiter · 21/12/2025 16:20

So you’ve discussed marriage, you’ve gone together into a jeweller's shop and you tried on an engagement ring, but you’re upset because you want things to "happen naturally"?

I simply do not understand this mindset.

Whatsthatsheila · 21/12/2025 16:25

To be blunt… if I were your DB and you’d reacted like that….. I think I’d throw you back.

you should be getting married for love… not “the ring” or “the proposal”

nunsflipflop · 21/12/2025 16:30

My DH just handed me a ring that he’d bought in Argos for £10. That was almost 40 years ago, I no longer wear the ring because over the years as our financial position has improved he upgraded it, but we have a really strong marriage, we’ve raised 5 wonderful children and we are still very happy.

It really isn’t about the proposal or the ring, it’s about the relationship being strong enough to survive life and all its ups and downs.

Tears because the courier told you it was gold is a bit over the top. I’ve ordered all but 1 of my presents from DH, he will wrap them and put them under the tree. He has chosen all of his gifts apart from one from me and I will do the same.

You are lucky that you’ve found a man who had the very best intention, wear the ring and plan your wedding/

BeeHive909 · 21/12/2025 16:39

you’re overreacting. He hasn’t proposed but he has the ring you went and chose together . What a joke. You knew it was gonna happen otherwise you wouldn’t have looked at rings and tried them on .

NearlyMonday · 21/12/2025 16:40

QPZM · 21/12/2025 14:04

Jesus come on now OP.

Two adults have made an adult decision to get married.

You chose a ring purposely so he'd know which one to buy and in which size.

Yes, unfortunately it's no longer a surprise but does it really matter?

The point is, you both want to be engaged and you both will be.

This!

Horses7 · 21/12/2025 16:45

Complete over reaction on both your parts - poor delivery driver, hope he doesn’t get the sack now.

NextDG · 21/12/2025 16:46

This is a funny story for the wedding speeches, not something to be fretting and crying about. TBH if you’d already tried the ring in with him it
was never going to be be totally out of the blue.

Pedallleur · 21/12/2025 16:50

Send it back and LTB.
Thread on here recently about the mother complaining her 30 year old son being dumped because he wasn't prepared to commit to getting married. His ex gf would have been ecstatic with your issues.

JoshLymanSwagger · 21/12/2025 16:53

the delivery guy or store cocked up!

Bollocks.
Your future DH cocked up.
He could have ordered it to be collected from the store.

How do I know this?
Mine did...and the ring lost a diamond....the replacement also lost a diamond...
Yeah, Ernest Jones is also H Samuel with a posher name - they are the same brand as Ratners...of prawn sandwich fame.
We got a full refund and went to an independent jeweller for my ring.

OLDoldCold · 21/12/2025 16:54

Even I know when the zombie apocalypse happens, all the films I've watched aren't really going to help much.
Likewise, my 'intimate' moment on an engagement.
For a start you've confused two things.
A proposal is someone asking you to marry them. It's that initial moment when one of you takes a deep breathe and risks rejection by saying how about it. You've already done that, you know how you've answered and so does your partner. The risk, the fear, that intimate emotional moment is done.
The engagement is a public thing, a social media, ring on a finger thing, so that's to come but you have already done the proposal. You have everyone going wow, let me see to come.

Obviously, I hate the term intimate moment but you will have more. Twice my husband has seen an entire human sliding out my vergina whilst several strangers stood around staring. Thankfully no cameras were present and I hope the memory has dulled for everyone.

Our proposal is kind of special, buying a ring and hearing my mum then trying to hide her disappointment it wasn't a rock is not a moment. The birth of my kids, yes but still not something to pull out at a job interview with video footage.

Intimate moments - don't wish for them

OLDoldCold · 21/12/2025 16:54

Even I know when the zombie apocalypse happens, all the films I've watched aren't really going to help much.
Likewise, my 'intimate' moment on an engagement.
For a start you've confused two things.
A proposal is someone asking you to marry them. It's that initial moment when one of you takes a deep breathe and risks rejection by saying how about it. You've already done that, you know how you've answered and so does your partner. The risk, the fear, that intimate emotional moment is done.
The engagement is a public thing, a social media, ring on a finger thing, so that's to come but you have already done the proposal. You have everyone going wow, let me see to come.

Obviously, I hate the term intimate moment but you will have more. Twice my husband has seen an entire human sliding out my vergina whilst several strangers stood around staring. Thankfully no cameras were present and I hope the memory has dulled for everyone.

Our proposal is kind of special, buying a ring and hearing my mum then trying to hide her disappointment it wasn't a rock is not a moment. The birth of my kids, yes but still not something to pull out at a job interview with video footage.

Intimate moments - don't wish for them

OLDoldCold · 21/12/2025 16:55

If you wanted the full on moment, you should be a proper virgin, living with your parents and your man should have asked your dad first.

ColdOut2025 · 21/12/2025 16:55

Boymum2811 · 21/12/2025 13:55

My partner and I have discussed marriage quite a lot and I know he'll ask in the near future. We went shopping a few months ago and ended up in a jewelers, and I saw an amazing ring I liked, for a bit of fun I tried it on with a couple of others as I'd never really known what would suit me and thought it was harmless fun and if he knows my size plus an idea now of what I might like, then it's much easier for him to choose something, in the future.

Fast forward to 2 days ago a delivery guy knocked on the door, asked me to sign for a parcel and HE TOLD ME "it needs signing for, because it's expensive gold from Ernest Jones" firstly what an absolute Twt for telling me, but also my other half what a Twt for not being more discreet.

There was 1 rings I loved and that was wherr it was from, I burst out crying as obviously the surprise was ruined :( he was also gutted and fuming this happened and has put a complaint in and was told all packaging was discreet.

Do I accept that the surprise is now out of the bag and just leave it to my partner decide what to do about it, or do I tell him to send it back and then just leave things to happen naturally. It just doesn't feel special anymore, like this to me should be an exciting special moment for us both, but we're both left feeling upset and flat about it.

Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and be happy he's made such an effort to consider what I wanted.

I feel so conflicted about the whole thing!

With respect, youre being somewhat of a control freak. And Diva. If this is worst thing married life throws you ut will be a miracle, so get a grip

runningonberocca · 21/12/2025 16:56

I’m embarrassed for you that you burst out crying because your surprise was ruined. Most 8 yr olds would have better emotional regulation. Look around you at what’s happening in the world today and have a word with yourself

LowkeyLoco · 21/12/2025 16:57

You’re being absolutely ridiculous and I would be fuming if I found out my girlfriend was calling me a twat in these circumstances. I will never understand why some grown women go batshit when it comes to engagements.

FleurDeFleur · 21/12/2025 17:00

LowkeyLoco · 21/12/2025 16:57

You’re being absolutely ridiculous and I would be fuming if I found out my girlfriend was calling me a twat in these circumstances. I will never understand why some grown women go batshit when it comes to engagements.

Honest to god, it gets proper batshit on here.

IcyRubySloth · 21/12/2025 17:00

My proposal from DH was "ruined", as his colleague drunkenly told me on a night out that he was planning on proposing and had bought a ring. It did not even enter my head to postpone or ask my DH to change it. We have been married for almost a decade now and it honestly does not matter in any way. Yes I was probably a bit upset at the time but it doesn't change anything or make it less special.

SusiQ18472638 · 21/12/2025 17:03

If you’ve talked about it, you know he’s going to propose in the near future, you tried on rings and showed him what one you wanted, it’s not really a surprise anyway is it. So on that basis I think you overreacted. If you hadn’t known he was going to propose at all I would understand a bit more.