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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Issues with friendship group - there's nothing I can do, is there?

179 replies

NearlyMonday · 14/12/2025 14:49

Just a feeling I’ve had, and what I’m about to recount probably won’t sound much, but when you know, you know. I’m finding it hard to sit on my hands about this, so I’m posting here.

There’s a group of us who’ve been friendly for a while (we all used to work together), regular nights out, lively Whatsapp Group etc etc. Good fun and I really appreciate it. About six weeks ago, Friend1 was quite off with me, totally out of character, and while she’s maintained contact, she’s definitely a bit cool towards me. Last night, she was due to join me with a group of my other friends, and she cancelled at the last minute with an odd excuse, and when I questioned it, she was really short.

Next Friday, my friendship group is going to an event, and usually we make ‘together’ travel arrangements, I’ve just messaged the group to see what the plan is, and Friend1 replied to say she’s travelling with Friend2, and that she’d see me at the venue.This is very unusual . And complete silence from everyone else, even though they’ve read the message.

I saw Friend3 and Friend4 earlier in the week and they were both fine with me. So I’m guessing I’m right than Friend1 has some sort of issue, I’ve no idea if Friend2 agrees or not, but they’ve clearly been in touch about travel arrangements and obviously know I haven’t been included. We are all women in our 40s, I haven’t navigated this sort of thing since I was at school and have no idea what to do, but my gut tells me not to chase? It sounds like we’re all still getting together on Friday, and who knows how this will pan out. I’m itching to start messaging people to see if anyone knows what’s going on, but I think this would be a mistake.

Sorry, I know this is garbled. DH is at work this afternoon and I need to offload.

OP posts:
HelloDenise · 21/12/2025 15:09

LiddySmallbury · 21/12/2025 09:44

Ok, so it wasn’t ‘Mean Girls’ and your entire friendship group turning against you, OP?

Maybe what you should bear in mind, as well as whether you really want to continue a friendship with a 40something woman who goes looking for insults in the most trivial comments and sulks about them for six weeks, is not catastrophising? Because Friend 1 isn’t the only one who made a big deal out of nothing.

Edited

If people are anxious sometimes they do catastrophise and I think that's what's happening here.

Ezzee · 21/12/2025 15:38

LiddySmallbury · 21/12/2025 09:44

Ok, so it wasn’t ‘Mean Girls’ and your entire friendship group turning against you, OP?

Maybe what you should bear in mind, as well as whether you really want to continue a friendship with a 40something woman who goes looking for insults in the most trivial comments and sulks about them for six weeks, is not catastrophising? Because Friend 1 isn’t the only one who made a big deal out of nothing.

Edited

Maybe you should consider this is a site for people to ask advice and take your unhelpful and bitchy comments elsewhere. HTH

MrsDoomesPattersen · 21/12/2025 16:52

Ezzee · 21/12/2025 15:38

Maybe you should consider this is a site for people to ask advice and take your unhelpful and bitchy comments elsewhere. HTH

Well said

I’d hedge my bets that this is the poster that was trying to say OP is misreading things..and that the friend1 wasn’t being passively aggressive…well
she was oozing it and admitted it! Cutting her nose off to spite her face missing the social

well she wasn’t, she was spot on

well done OP - you handled it well and glad it’s resolved - and these kind of exclusion games are horribly pervasive and hurtful - well done you

27pilates · 21/12/2025 20:36

Well done OP. You handled that well and had perfectly normal thoughts and feelings throughout this process.
I’m not sure what @LiddySmallbury has been smoking tonight but don’t give that poster any headspace; they seem determined to paint you as demented while demonstrating their own mean girl tendencies.

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