Partner had windfall and reluctant on sharing

[Saladmess]

My partner of 6 years has had a windfall (no kids, we own home together, both work fulltime on similar salaries). The company he worked for sold and he got a nice payout (just under £50K).

This job was hugely stressful for years and put strain on our relationship. I have supported him through a lot of this shit which wasn’t easy.

He suggested going on a hobby related holiday in a tropical destination whilst he is in between jobs. I wouldn’t be able to go as I am saving my annual leave for a longer holiday we have together later in the year. I am totally cool with him going (I have also been away with friends in the past), but I also said I felt it was a bit unfair, me sitting here in the winter and him having a grand time.

I asked if he could maybe get me something nice or get some jobs in the house paid for (we have tons of things that need doing / fixing and 10% of his windfall could fix this completely).

We’re pretty good for savings and have a decent emergency fund so we don’t need this extra money to survive.

He said I was jealous and that this was a horrible trait and that it was ridiculous that I was asking for something. I said I have supported him through years of shit, but this didn’t really seem to land… I am not after his money at all, I would just like to feel that he wants to look after me / our home.

Is it unreasonable to ask your long term partner, to buy something nice for you or fix urgent issues in the house when they have come into a decent amount of money?

I mean… you two aren’t genuinely planning on spending the rest of your lives together are you??!!

and needless to say, children would be a terrible idea

Does he have a job?

He doesn’t like you very much by the sounds of it. A decent partner would consider your feelings and happiness. Why wouldn’t he use some of the money to improve his home?

Just aswell your not married. Take this as a sign he's not interested in building a shared life with you.
Technically it is their money and theirs alone but they way they are approaching it, its clear your not a partnership.

Walk away while you can!

Tight arse. Most unappealing.

So you’re two people just living together rather than planning on a long term future together in a partnership?

You know that thread about what gave you The Ick about a partner…?

This!

Talk about what's yours is mine, and what's mine's my own!
If you're having to prompt him to share his windfall when you're in a 6 year long relationship and own a home together, that says a lot.
If he doesn't have a job at the moment and burns through his windfall, presumably he will expect you to help him out and support him but financially rather than emotionally.
I would be seeing my relationship in a new light if it was me.

You aren't being unreasonable and I would hope that he would use some of his windfall towards the kind of things you mention. Are you sure he wasn't already planning to do that? What's the long term plan for you as a couple - marriage, kids etc?

Asking for 5 k for the hosue is more than reasonable. If I suddenly had 50 k I wld buy my man a great gift and fix everything we needed with it

Has a new job lined up yes

What's he planning to do with it? Surely putting it towards repairs on your shared home is in his best interests too, it's not like you've demanded a new car for yourself or something.

Surely this hobby holiday he's planning isn't going to cost £50k?

This is my concern. We’re not planning on having children but if we were to get married.. things like this give me doubt

He can buy you out of your home and fuck off imo.

I don’t think he’s thinking marriage @Saladmess . Now or in the future.

I couldn’t imagine going away in a nice holiday while my partner of six years stayed home as they didn’t have the funds to come along, while I had plenty spare. That’s not a partnership

Maybe the op loves her home…

Haha no something like 2K for the holiday.. He really dislikes putting money in the house. What’s needed is not nice-to-haves. It’s s floor in a room that currently doesn’t have one, re-wall papering where we have had a leak (that’s fixed), better storage etc.

The big holiday you have planned we together..,, all paid up and you went 50/50?

He should have spontaneously given you something, once you start asking someone to buy you a gift it rather spoils it even if they then do.

But yeah he's a tight wad. Id have immediately booked a posh weekend away or something.

Thank you.. I couldn’t either. I have the funds. It’s just I can’t take the annual leave as my job is quite busy and it won’t be approved. I also need the leave for another holiday that’s already booked

Yes all paid so far. Still have to book a couple hotels. He will spend a bit more when we’re there usually

It is selfish to make him
feel guilty about having a life experience that does no harm to anyone and comes entirely out of his own money. You don’t have children yet, so he has no need to start sacrificing his life yet. The poor bloke has done nothing wrong and you just want to piss on his chips to have a nicer house.

Meanness is not an attractive trait.
On a seperate note if you have savings why haven't you jointly spent some to get the house stuff done? Thats what savings are for...

Haha just saw that thread. Tbh that is how I feel right now.. it’s off putting