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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner had windfall and reluctant on sharing

145 replies

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:32

My partner of 6 years has had a windfall (no kids, we own home together, both work fulltime on similar salaries). The company he worked for sold and he got a nice payout (just under £50K).

This job was hugely stressful for years and put strain on our relationship. I have supported him through a lot of this shit which wasn’t easy.

He suggested going on a hobby related holiday in a tropical destination whilst he is in between jobs. I wouldn’t be able to go as I am saving my annual leave for a longer holiday we have together later in the year. I am totally cool with him going (I have also been away with friends in the past), but I also said I felt it was a bit unfair, me sitting here in the winter and him having a grand time.

I asked if he could maybe get me something nice or get some jobs in the house paid for (we have tons of things that need doing / fixing and 10% of his windfall could fix this completely).

We’re pretty good for savings and have a decent emergency fund so we don’t need this extra money to survive.

He said I was jealous and that this was a horrible trait and that it was ridiculous that I was asking for something. I said I have supported him through years of shit, but this didn’t really seem to land… I am not after his money at all, I would just like to feel that he wants to look after me / our home.

Is it unreasonable to ask your long term partner, to buy something nice for you or fix urgent issues in the house when they have come into a decent amount of money?

OP posts:

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:09

I think you need to be asking him if he sees any kind of future together before asking yourself the same question. Because you may not need to answer the question yourself.

Anyahyacinth · 13/12/2025 15:10

It's a great eye opener...as many others have said on this thread; in a relationship we can't imagine thinking that windfall was entirely ours...because we are in a committed relationship. You’ve been shown where you fit in his consideration....you have that knowledge now. Time to reflect about where that leaves you

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:10

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:09

£105K combined gross pay.

Show quote history

So £50k to him is substantially more than a year’s take home ?

PeopleTheyAintNoGood · 13/12/2025 15:11

Just to put it in perspective for you, op. When my DH received a similar amount, he upgraded my car, paid for the driveway to be re done and put the rest into our joint account.
He said he didn't really need anything at the time, but has bought himself the odd treat out of it since.

I would seriously look at your relationship op. What would happen if you were ill and couldn't work?

Original poster

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:11

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:10

So £50k to him is substantially more than a year’s take home ?

Edited

Show quote history

Just under a years salary

OP posts:

Terrribletwos · 13/12/2025 15:12

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:07

No, just want my partner to say: I know the house in order is important to you. You were there for me so now I can support you by getting that in order. I don’t want him to transfer money in my bank account for being a caring partner no

Show quote history

Well, if he refuses to do that (what are his reasons?) then I think that's a bit shit tbh. I'd be quite annoyed and questioning his priorities and partnership.

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:13

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:11

Just under a years salary

Show quote history

take home though it’s more

either way op, if I didn’t see a future with someone, I wouldn’t want to share any money with that person.

What he’s doing wrong is not being honest with you about that fact

BuckChuckets · 13/12/2025 15:14

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:13

take home though it’s more

either way op, if I didn’t see a future with someone, I wouldn’t want to share any money with that person.

What he’s doing wrong is not being honest with you about that fact

Show quote history

This is what I'd assume as well.

Rivertrudge · 13/12/2025 15:15

He’s mean. Tbh I don’t think I’d want the nice thing for myself if I had to beg for it, but that might just be me being contrary.

After his holiday, have you thought about / discussed how the two of you are going to manage separate /joint savings in the future? Do you know how he's planning that the two of you pay for the house improvements - will it still be fifty/fifty?

He is your partner but it doesn’t really sound as if he regards your relationship as a partnership.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 13/12/2025 15:19

How does he treat you on birthdays or a Christmas? Do you recieve thoughtful gifts?

Twattergy · 13/12/2025 15:21

I wouldn't expect my partner to spend the money on me.
I'd expect them to spend a bit on us.
I'm married I've come into my own money before and done these kind of things with it (without needing to be asked):
Buy a family car
Pay off mortgage
Put in a new kitchen
Expensive dinners we can both enjoy

So in your situation yes I'd absolutely want him to pay for the house repairs. Maybe plus to 100% pay for a treat for the two of you (weekend away).

To not do anything does indicate both tightness and a lack of care.

MrsWhites · 13/12/2025 15:23

I wouldn’t be forging a life with someone who was sat on £50k of spare money and living it up on fancy holidays whilst we had a room in our house without a floor!

Tight bastard!

PInkyStarfish · 13/12/2025 15:24

That absolutely horrible.

I would use this opportunity to get out of the relationship.

usedtobeaylis · 13/12/2025 15:25

YANBU. Ignore anyone trying to suggest otherwise.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 13/12/2025 15:27

I meant he pay off his share so op could keep the house...

WildLeader · 13/12/2025 15:28

Hes going to be one of those dickheads who expect you to fund your own maternity leave… you do realise this…

ick. Super ick.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 13/12/2025 15:28

Can you afford to pay for 50% of the work needed? If you offer this - so £2.5k each, and he still says no to contributing, get the house valued and go from there.
Whether it's one buying the other out or simply selling it.

You are not asking him to spend the majority of his money on the house. You are not suggesting fripperies. It's a new floor for a currently unusable room and repapering leak damage.

Selfishness and meaness are not qualities. They are major flaws which will inevitably cause resentment.in a relationship.

justasking111 · 13/12/2025 15:28

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:47

Haha no something like 2K for the holiday.. He really dislikes putting money in the house. What’s needed is not nice-to-haves. It’s s floor in a room that currently doesn’t have one, re-wall papering where we have had a leak (that’s fixed), better storage etc.

Show quote history

You've got savings use those on the house

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/12/2025 15:30

"He really dislikes putting money in the house."
Interesting. I'd wonder if it is because putting money in the house benefits you as well as him. Did he own before you two got together? Did he spend money on it then, when it would only benefit him?

It's good that you can see this is a big flaw in him - "I just think at times he is selfish; and this is one of those times." He was happy to lean on you, to share his bad times with you. He's not so happy to share the good times though, and I see that as a massive problem. Has he ever supported you through a bad time? Maybe you haven't had a bad time so he hasn't been put to the test. Do you think he'd pass it?

I'd be reconsidering the relationship, because you've got some new information about your partner that you need to take account of. "He said I was jealous and that this was a horrible trait and that it was ridiculous that I was asking for something." He is literally not the man you thought he was, before he said that. Now, he is a man who thinks you have the horrible trait of jealousy, and he is a man who thinks you are ridiculous for asking for something.

You need to ponder on that. Ponder on the fact that he's happy to take your support, but not to reciprocate. Ponder that if he's this selfish when it would be pretty easy (and actually sensible) to fund house repairs, he'd rather sit on his money like Smaug the Dragon. Ponder how he would behave towards you if your income wasn't there through losing your job, or (please don't put this to the test!) maternity leave? Would he share with you then, or expect you still to pony up your half?

He's given you a lot to think about, hasn't he?

Outside9 · 13/12/2025 15:30

Comes across like you want a slice of the pie in a round about way

Stompythedinosaur · 13/12/2025 15:31

In our family, all money is family money.

I can't fathom having that sum of money and it not benefitting you both. I'm not sure he sees you as a couple.

Fibrous · 13/12/2025 15:33

I get paid chunks of bonuses from time to time - sometimes they’re £25k or so. I would take long term DP out for dinner but otherwise wouldn’t be giving him any. It just goes into savings. I’m surprised so many have an issue with that. Like the OP, we run our finances fairly independently and split things 50/50.

I don’t shirk house repairs, though.

Climbingrosexx · 13/12/2025 15:33

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:32

My partner of 6 years has had a windfall (no kids, we own home together, both work fulltime on similar salaries). The company he worked for sold and he got a nice payout (just under £50K).

This job was hugely stressful for years and put strain on our relationship. I have supported him through a lot of this shit which wasn’t easy.

I asked if he could maybe get me something nice or get some jobs in the house paid for (we have tons of things that need doing / fixing and 10% of his windfall could fix this completely).

We’re pretty good for savings and have a decent emergency fund so we don’t need this extra money to survive.

Is it unreasonable to ask your long term partner, to buy something nice for you or fix urgent issues in the house when they have come into a decent amount of money?

Do you have joint savings? If so I would be inclined to take my share out of the account and start saving independently. That way you have your own account and savings and he can keep his windfall. That might not sound like a great plan for a long term relationship but this isn't too good either. At least you will have your own savings and security.

MrsWhites · 13/12/2025 15:33

Outside9 · 13/12/2025 15:30

Comes across like you want a slice of the pie in a round about way

So what if she does, a caring partner would want to share the good parts of their life as well as the struggle that you expect an equally good partner to support.

The OP supported her partner through the tough parts of this job so is it too much to ask that he now shares at least some of the benefits?

Egglio · 13/12/2025 15:34

I'm interested to know OP, if you came in 50k what would you do with it? If you would share it, then what you have is a values mismatch more than anything else. That is what you should pay attention to.

I also see some double standards creeping in here, because in a reversed situation where you were not married and it was the woman who had come into 50k, I think many would be telling her to protect her own financial health as no commitment had been made.

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