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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner had windfall and reluctant on sharing

145 replies

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:32

My partner of 6 years has had a windfall (no kids, we own home together, both work fulltime on similar salaries). The company he worked for sold and he got a nice payout (just under £50K).

This job was hugely stressful for years and put strain on our relationship. I have supported him through a lot of this shit which wasn’t easy.

He suggested going on a hobby related holiday in a tropical destination whilst he is in between jobs. I wouldn’t be able to go as I am saving my annual leave for a longer holiday we have together later in the year. I am totally cool with him going (I have also been away with friends in the past), but I also said I felt it was a bit unfair, me sitting here in the winter and him having a grand time.

I asked if he could maybe get me something nice or get some jobs in the house paid for (we have tons of things that need doing / fixing and 10% of his windfall could fix this completely).

We’re pretty good for savings and have a decent emergency fund so we don’t need this extra money to survive.

He said I was jealous and that this was a horrible trait and that it was ridiculous that I was asking for something. I said I have supported him through years of shit, but this didn’t really seem to land… I am not after his money at all, I would just like to feel that he wants to look after me / our home.

Is it unreasonable to ask your long term partner, to buy something nice for you or fix urgent issues in the house when they have come into a decent amount of money?

OP posts:

Pherian · 13/12/2025 18:09

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:32

My partner of 6 years has had a windfall (no kids, we own home together, both work fulltime on similar salaries). The company he worked for sold and he got a nice payout (just under £50K).

This job was hugely stressful for years and put strain on our relationship. I have supported him through a lot of this shit which wasn’t easy.

I asked if he could maybe get me something nice or get some jobs in the house paid for (we have tons of things that need doing / fixing and 10% of his windfall could fix this completely).

We’re pretty good for savings and have a decent emergency fund so we don’t need this extra money to survive.

Is it unreasonable to ask your long term partner, to buy something nice for you or fix urgent issues in the house when they have come into a decent amount of money?

He sounds like a prick. He should do the jobs around the house with the money 100%.

I hope your savings is separate.

It’s absolutely selfish the way he is acting .

StephensLass1977 · 13/12/2025 18:13

My partner had next to no money around ten years ago, and then we got a medical payout of approx £20,000, which we split between us. First thing he did (after clearing debt) was book us a holiday in Scandinavia that December, which had been a big dream of mine forever. It's not about gifts, it's about the other person recognising what might make the other one happy. For my part, I had a separate parent death inheritance and used it to buy us both a house. We always think of each other.

This man isn't interested in making you happy. He thinks 50000 is going to last him forever and then will no doubt be asking you for help. He's shown you who he is. NB you should not have to be asking him to buy you a gift!

OhDear111 · 13/12/2025 19:18

He’s a single person and is behaving like one. It’s not a really a surprise is it? There’s a reason you aren’t married and you’ve discovered it. He feels single and doesn’t want to share.

Coconutter24 · 13/12/2025 21:49

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:44

We have already spent tens of thousands 50/50 on the house in last 2 years. I was really happy to have it 90% done bar these final things (about £5K), and was planning on doing them over next 1.5 yrs. But he now has an opportunity to do it right away

Show quote history

You say you’ve got savings, have you asked him to go 50/50 on the house things?

TheSandgroper · 14/12/2025 03:19

I have just read your posts @Saladmess and you used one word that should make you look at him again. He’s tight. That equates to “mean” in my book.

Please start looking elsewhere at what your options are. You are going to either need to know or be unhappy and resentful.

Silverbirchleaf · 14/12/2025 03:25

I don’t see anything wrong with treating yourself when you have a windfall, whether it’s a holiday, new hobby equipment, expensive handbag etc. However, it would be nice to contribute to the house as well.

BCBird · 14/12/2025 03:40

Whilst i might be a bit fed up at home in winter while he was in the sun, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to go. U can't as you don't have the leave. Not using some of the windfall on improvements or treating you is mean. I have spent time with a financially mean partner in the past- never again.

suburberphobe · 14/12/2025 03:49

Say goodbye and live your life.

Bungle2168 · 14/12/2025 03:55

OP, to this man you are merely a container into which he empties himself periodically.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 14/12/2025 04:44

If you was expecting half of the money, or even 20k towards renovations it would be understandable why he didn't want to do that. This 50k is a 1 off and he has only spent 2k f it doing something he really wanted to do so far. He may well be wanting to think on it and the best way in which to make it benefit the long term.

But you havnt been grabby by thinking the 5k left in your join house renovations is a reasonable request. He would have plenty left to make work for him.

I'd be worrying what this meant for the future. How certain he feels about this being a forever thing of he can't even as a 1 off sway from 50/50 to really only cover your 2.5k contribution toward the home. That sounds like he is thinking when we split i dont want her to benefit from my windfall. I totally get if he didn't want to risk a larger amount, that would leave him with a sum that was not enough to invest in other things, but what you ask don't sound like a lot.

How is your relationship generally? Are you in a strong path, heading towards marriage? Both of you feeling this is for life?

If you're rocky and argue a lot then it would make sense he don't want to put more than hos 50/50 into this right now

calminggreen · 14/12/2025 05:30

always interested to know how one person “emotionally supports” the other who has a difficult/challenging/stressful job - particularly when they have no kids and not like you gave up a career to enable his. Not like it’s a decades long relationship either. 6 years so guessing you’ve only actually lived together half that unless you moved in together very quickly. Being a listening ear if he has a bad day at work is just part and parcel of being in a relationship and I wouldn’t say requires any particular financial recompense - and you asking could he “maybe get me something nice” would give me the ick in itself

sounds like you have savings both of you and if 10% of the £50k would get the flooring/wallpaper done then just sort it out of savings and he pays the 50% as you always have done

Iocanepowder · 14/12/2025 05:39

I had redundancy money not long ago. I am married and still had no inclination to use it to buy DH a gift.

It went into my savings and i have used it to towards home improvements and private surgery for DC2, which we have still split the cost of.

NewUserName2244 · 14/12/2025 05:54

The interesting thing here is that he has set a precedent. What will happen if you get an inheritance or a bonus or a windfall?

In fact, I would ask him that question. If his answer is obviously that would just be yours, you would spend it just on you then you just have a mismatch of opinions. And I would 100 percent stick to that the next time I did.

If the answer is a cadgey “well that would be different because….” Or “I guess it would depend if…..” etc then he’s a selfish twat!

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 06:20

He sounds utterly uncommitted, hence not wanting to share a dime. If i didn’t care about someone nor want to be with them, I wouldn’t either. He just needs to be straight with you @Saladmess

However from this thread, I sense that you don’t want to know the truth. Instead you’d rather like him to propose

rwalker · 14/12/2025 06:51

If I were him I wouldn’t really touch it till I’m established in my new job that would be a safety net

your just pissed off in general about it and tbh it not his fault you can’t get your holidays approved yet you seem to be using it against him

is it coming across to him that you just want to get your hands on it

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 08:10

The company he worked for sold and he got a nice payout (just under £50K)

he no longer works there?

was this not redundancy?

cloudtreecarpet · 14/12/2025 08:32

It's not about the money is it, it's about the fact that you have discovered you both see your relationship differently.
Presumably if you had received the windfall you would have used some of it on house you share and probably shared more of your good fortune with him.

He just sees it as his money and can't understand why he would share it with you or spend it on the house.

Neither of you are wrong really but the problem is you aren't on the same page at all when it comes to your commitment to each other.

I would spend time thinking about what this is telling you about him and whether this mismatch in commitment and values is something you can continue to live with.

Coconutter24 · 14/12/2025 10:24

A lot of comments judging him for being mean but it’s surprising no one is actually calling you out for your entitlement. It’s his money, you’re not married you’re not entitled to it. Emotionally supporting someone is part of a relationship so it’s beyond me that you think you deserve a nice gift for that.
He’s got redundancy and yeh he’s treating himself to a trip (not his fault you don’t have enough holiday allowance). Couples are ok to take separate trips. If I had my own savings I’d definitely ask him to go 50/50 on the home improvements but you seem to think he should burden the cost. He’s maybe not wanting to make too many big purchases until he’s settled in his new job and has an income coming in

174ghxt · 14/12/2025 12:20

I don't think he’s the arsehole some posters are making him out to be. I would see house repairs as a 50/50 thing and you both earn well and have savings and £5K isn't much to finish the outstanding jobs off, so do them sooner rather than later jointly. And having endured a shitty job he probably sees the £50K as his payoff and reward and IMO understandably would rather spend it on nice things like hobbies than boring things like decorating after a leak. Having said that, if I came into money from a job that my partner had helped me endure, I would definitely treat them. So it's not the not paying for repairs that matters, but the not spontaneously wanting to be generous. But you say he will probably spend more when you go on your joint holiday later, (why is that?), so maybe he feels he's already generous?
It's just not black and white that you're entitled to "payback" for being supportive by expecting house repairs to be speeded up.

UpDownAllAround1 · 14/12/2025 16:46

You asked. He said no. So stalemate

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