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Original poster

Partner had windfall and reluctant on sharing

145 replies

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:32

My partner of 6 years has had a windfall (no kids, we own home together, both work fulltime on similar salaries). The company he worked for sold and he got a nice payout (just under £50K).

This job was hugely stressful for years and put strain on our relationship. I have supported him through a lot of this shit which wasn’t easy.

He suggested going on a hobby related holiday in a tropical destination whilst he is in between jobs. I wouldn’t be able to go as I am saving my annual leave for a longer holiday we have together later in the year. I am totally cool with him going (I have also been away with friends in the past), but I also said I felt it was a bit unfair, me sitting here in the winter and him having a grand time.

I asked if he could maybe get me something nice or get some jobs in the house paid for (we have tons of things that need doing / fixing and 10% of his windfall could fix this completely).

We’re pretty good for savings and have a decent emergency fund so we don’t need this extra money to survive.

He said I was jealous and that this was a horrible trait and that it was ridiculous that I was asking for something. I said I have supported him through years of shit, but this didn’t really seem to land… I am not after his money at all, I would just like to feel that he wants to look after me / our home.

Is it unreasonable to ask your long term partner, to buy something nice for you or fix urgent issues in the house when they have come into a decent amount of money?

OP posts:
Neverflyingagain · 13/12/2025 14:51

Celestialmoods · 13/12/2025 14:49

It is selfish to make him
feel guilty about having a life experience that does no harm to anyone and comes entirely out of his own money. You don’t have children yet, so he has no need to start sacrificing his life yet. The poor bloke has done nothing wrong and you just want to piss on his chips to have a nicer house.

Hello OP's partner!

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 14:52

Do you love him? Trust him? Want to spend rest of life with him?

Do you think he to you?

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 14:52

Neverflyingagain · 13/12/2025 14:51

Hello OP's partner!

Show quote history

🙄

Daytimenighttime · 13/12/2025 14:52

You shouldn't have needed to ask him OP.
What a self-centered unpleasant man he sounds.

Terrribletwos · 13/12/2025 14:53

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:47

Haha no something like 2K for the holiday.. He really dislikes putting money in the house. What’s needed is not nice-to-haves. It’s s floor in a room that currently doesn’t have one, re-wall papering where we have had a leak (that’s fixed), better storage etc.

Show quote history

He dislikes putting money into improvements that will not only enhance your living space but add value to your home? That's an odd and frankly daft attitude. Is he quite cavalier with money as a rule?

OhDear111 · 13/12/2025 14:53

Why not make the windfall holiday the next holiday after the one you have planned? Yes, he’s got time now but surely waiting is better? You can wallpaper and get floor organised surely? Not sure why you are waiting for him. You both seem to prioritise holidays, but not house.

Original poster
Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:54

Celestialmoods · 13/12/2025 14:49

It is selfish to make him
feel guilty about having a life experience that does no harm to anyone and comes entirely out of his own money. You don’t have children yet, so he has no need to start sacrificing his life yet. The poor bloke has done nothing wrong and you just want to piss on his chips to have a nicer house.

I think it’s great he is having this life experience. I am encouraging him to go. That’s not the point..

OP posts:
Neverflyingagain · 13/12/2025 14:54

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:47

Haha no something like 2K for the holiday.. He really dislikes putting money in the house. What’s needed is not nice-to-haves. It’s s floor in a room that currently doesn’t have one, re-wall papering where we have had a leak (that’s fixed), better storage etc.

Show quote history

Lovely, get that essential work done and then you can either sell up and split the proceeds, or one of you but the other out.
This mean trait would be a huge red flag and a relationship ending one for me.

Original poster
Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:55

TheLemonLemur · 13/12/2025 14:50

Meanness is not an attractive trait.
On a seperate note if you have savings why haven't you jointly spent some to get the house stuff done? Thats what savings are for...

We have done loads already 50/50. Couple things still outstanding. We wanted to have our emergency fund back to 6 months first (done)

OP posts:
Ncforthis2244 · 13/12/2025 14:57

I don't see a problem. You're not married. It's his windfall. Wisely he's choosing to put the vast majority of it away for a rainy day while spending less than 5% on a dream holiday. Why should he spend it on you? You've already said you have plenty of cash of our own.

Some weird comments on this thread!

kittywittyandpretty · 13/12/2025 14:58

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:55

We have done loads already 50/50. Couple things still outstanding. We wanted to have our emergency fund back to 6 months first (done)

Show quote history

There’s no we and no Our in this relationship
Otherwise that fund would’ve been topped up by now and the housework that needs to be done would be booked for the New Year

MNLurker1345 · 13/12/2025 14:59

This is the honest truth! We are married now, but 12 years ago, we were partners living together, now DH, got a windfall from work (I am laughing while I write this), and went and bought himself a Porsche. It wasn’t a surprise, we discussed it. He didn’t buy me anything, I didn’t want anything. He is a kind, unselfish man, it was his bonus. If I had asked him to buy me something he would have. But it didn’t occur to me to do so.

I think in this situation, the quality of your relationship is the most important thing.

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 13/12/2025 14:59

Celestialmoods · 13/12/2025 14:49

It is selfish to make him
feel guilty about having a life experience that does no harm to anyone and comes entirely out of his own money. You don’t have children yet, so he has no need to start sacrificing his life yet. The poor bloke has done nothing wrong and you just want to piss on his chips to have a nicer house.

Came here to say exactly this.

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:00

MNLurker1345 · 13/12/2025 14:59

This is the honest truth! We are married now, but 12 years ago, we were partners living together, now DH, got a windfall from work (I am laughing while I write this), and went and bought himself a Porsche. It wasn’t a surprise, we discussed it. He didn’t buy me anything, I didn’t want anything. He is a kind, unselfish man, it was his bonus. If I had asked him to buy me something he would have. But it didn’t occur to me to do so.

I think in this situation, the quality of your relationship is the most important thing.

Had you bought together or renting?

Original poster
Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:01

Ncforthis2244 · 13/12/2025 14:57

I don't see a problem. You're not married. It's his windfall. Wisely he's choosing to put the vast majority of it away for a rainy day while spending less than 5% on a dream holiday. Why should he spend it on you? You've already said you have plenty of cash of our own.

Some weird comments on this thread!

To say “thank you for supporting me through an awful time for 2 years”..

OP posts:
MNLurker1345 · 13/12/2025 15:02

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:00

Had you bought together or renting?

Show quote history

We had bought a house together, at this point.

kittywittyandpretty · 13/12/2025 15:04

MNLurker1345 · 13/12/2025 15:02

We had bought a house together, at this point.

Show quote history

And did the house have wonky floorboards or any other work doing to it?

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 13/12/2025 15:04

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:01

To say “thank you for supporting me through an awful time for 2 years”..

Show quote history

You were there for him, you were emotionally available and helped him out through difficult times and you want a payday for that?

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:05

MNLurker1345 · 13/12/2025 15:02

We had bought a house together, at this point.

Show quote history

House in need of some fairly serious improvements?

Original poster
Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:05

MNLurker1345 · 13/12/2025 14:59

This is the honest truth! We are married now, but 12 years ago, we were partners living together, now DH, got a windfall from work (I am laughing while I write this), and went and bought himself a Porsche. It wasn’t a surprise, we discussed it. He didn’t buy me anything, I didn’t want anything. He is a kind, unselfish man, it was his bonus. If I had asked him to buy me something he would have. But it didn’t occur to me to do so.

I think in this situation, the quality of your relationship is the most important thing.

Thanks for the reply! Haha it made me laugh. To be honest, if he bought a Porsche, I would find that less annoying than him having 45K in the bank and some things need urgent repairs but he is too tight to do that.. at least you’d have a nice car haha

OP posts:
Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:06

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 14:52

Do you love him? Trust him? Want to spend rest of life with him?

Do you think he to you?

Do you?

because you don’t seem keen on him
and he seems singularly unbothered about you

Original poster
Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:07

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 13/12/2025 15:04

You were there for him, you were emotionally available and helped him out through difficult times and you want a payday for that?

Show quote history

No, just want my partner to say: I know the house in order is important to you. You were there for me so now I can support you by getting that in order. I don’t want him to transfer money in my bank account for being a caring partner no

OP posts:
Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:08

we have tons of things that need doing / fixing and 10% of his windfall could fix this completely).

so less than £5k would fix all the issues?

what kind of salaries are the pair of you on?

Original poster
Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:08

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:06

Do you?

because you don’t seem keen on him
and he seems singularly unbothered about you

Show quote history

Well yes I love him, and I trust him. And we have a great time together. I just think at times he is selfish; and this is one of those times. And I find that an unattractive trait. So I am trying to find out how unattractive exactly I find it, and what that means for my future

OP posts:
Original poster
Saladmess · 13/12/2025 15:09

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 15:08

we have tons of things that need doing / fixing and 10% of his windfall could fix this completely).

so less than £5k would fix all the issues?

what kind of salaries are the pair of you on?

Edited

£105K combined gross pay.

OP posts: