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Original poster

Partner had windfall and reluctant on sharing

145 replies

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:32

My partner of 6 years has had a windfall (no kids, we own home together, both work fulltime on similar salaries). The company he worked for sold and he got a nice payout (just under £50K).

This job was hugely stressful for years and put strain on our relationship. I have supported him through a lot of this shit which wasn’t easy.

He suggested going on a hobby related holiday in a tropical destination whilst he is in between jobs. I wouldn’t be able to go as I am saving my annual leave for a longer holiday we have together later in the year. I am totally cool with him going (I have also been away with friends in the past), but I also said I felt it was a bit unfair, me sitting here in the winter and him having a grand time.

I asked if he could maybe get me something nice or get some jobs in the house paid for (we have tons of things that need doing / fixing and 10% of his windfall could fix this completely).

We’re pretty good for savings and have a decent emergency fund so we don’t need this extra money to survive.

He said I was jealous and that this was a horrible trait and that it was ridiculous that I was asking for something. I said I have supported him through years of shit, but this didn’t really seem to land… I am not after his money at all, I would just like to feel that he wants to look after me / our home.

Is it unreasonable to ask your long term partner, to buy something nice for you or fix urgent issues in the house when they have come into a decent amount of money?

OP posts:
Poodlelove · 13/12/2025 16:12

What are your long term goals ? Has he discussed marriage and kids , because he doesn't seem to be a kind / thoughtful man that would be a good husband and father.
Maybe he is planning to buy you a ring ? Ask him , I would love to know the answer to this one.
I am sorry that he is being an arse , I suppose you know now what sort of man you are living with.
You deserve better

Happyjoe · 13/12/2025 16:17

My partner supported me financially and emotionally for a little while when I was having trouble. He was a star. When I inherited after my dad died, I didn't even think about it, gave him half the money and it was a fair amount. I wanted to say thanks, it was really important for me to say thanks and I appreciate him.

OP, even if he'd come home with a lovely bunch of flowers and planted a big kiss an say thanks for everything it would've been something.

Ally886 · 13/12/2025 16:21

The amounts of posts I have seen on this forum about unmarried women not sharing inheritance and bonus and this is the the rubbish people come up with when the shoe is on the other foot. My lord.

If you were married yes he should share. If not no way should he. I inherited £80k from my grandfather and not once has my DP suggested any of that benefits him

ElizaMulvil · 13/12/2025 16:21

pikkumyy77 · 13/12/2025 15:49

He won’t invest in your only/major shared asset? He doesn’t see you as a long term proposition.

Show quote history

Exactly. He's just not that into you.

Original poster
Saladmess · 13/12/2025 16:25

Poodlelove · 13/12/2025 16:12

What are your long term goals ? Has he discussed marriage and kids , because he doesn't seem to be a kind / thoughtful man that would be a good husband and father.
Maybe he is planning to buy you a ring ? Ask him , I would love to know the answer to this one.
I am sorry that he is being an arse , I suppose you know now what sort of man you are living with.
You deserve better

Yes we both agreed we don’t want children (I know thats controversial). I would like to get married, he knows that but he comes from a family that was broken over and over. He has brought it up occasionally, but I will believe it when I see it. So I am not pushing it. Thank you for your kind response x

OP posts:
Genevieva · 13/12/2025 16:31

If he doesn’t buy you an engagement ring and propose now he never will.

Jazz7 · 13/12/2025 16:33

You should not have had to ask. He should have done it without that and of course got the house sorted

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 13/12/2025 16:33

This is the kind of red flag waving guy who - if you have children - will consider himself bankrolling any mat leave you get, and not so silently counting every penny (“of his”) he is forced spend on you and the children.

ArtfulTaupeGoose · 13/12/2025 16:34

Were married so slightly different but when I inherited a similar sum, we spent £12k on new stove and central heating. We bought a few bits we'd been putting off..new suit for OH, new tv etc, and had a holiday together. I had a girls trip to London. Rest is in savings. I would be peed off if you only need £5k to finish everything and he has extra money.
It doesn't sound like a partnership were you have similar goals.

Fifthtimelucky · 13/12/2025 16:36

I agree that some of the money should be spent on improving the house, and of course it’s not unreasonable to expect your partner to buy you something if they unexpectedly come one some money.

However, I can see why he reacted as you did if you said that it was unfair for him to go and have a good time on holiday (which it sounds like he suggested you join him on) while you sat at home in the winter and therefore he should buy you something to make up for it.

usedtobeaylis · 13/12/2025 16:38

Sounds like he outright helped himself to a slice of the pie in the form of her emotional support but isn't willing to reciprocate in any way whatsoever when there's something that is important to her.

krustykittens · 13/12/2025 16:40

He's mean, OP, I would seriously consider your future. In a family, everyone shares in good fortune,as well as supporting each other through the tough times. That doesn't mean I think he should be giving you half - if this was my DH, it would probably be put in a savings account intact! But however the money was used, he would think, "How can this benefit us?" Your partner doesn't seem to do that.

Artmumcreative · 13/12/2025 16:44

"I asked if he could maybe get me something nice"
Why did you ask for something? Presents are supposed to be given, not requested. Maybe I'm being weird but it seems very materialistic.

MrsDoylesLastTeabag · 13/12/2025 16:49

She has already said she doesn't want children, so maybe ease off with the "you don't have children yet..." ; "but when you have children..." mantras.

MyLittleNest · 13/12/2025 16:51

I think that he should have waited to do the trip with you to celebrate the windfall.

If he has 2k to put toward a trip with a friend, I would definitely ask for him to put some toward the house repairs as it's practical and nearly a necessity.

I would not, however, ever ask my partner to buy me something. I'd just buy it for myself unless it came from his own initiative.

sunshinestar1986 · 13/12/2025 16:57

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 14:32

My partner of 6 years has had a windfall (no kids, we own home together, both work fulltime on similar salaries). The company he worked for sold and he got a nice payout (just under £50K).

This job was hugely stressful for years and put strain on our relationship. I have supported him through a lot of this shit which wasn’t easy.

He suggested going on a hobby related holiday in a tropical destination whilst he is in between jobs. I wouldn’t be able to go as I am saving my annual leave for a longer holiday we have together later in the year. I am totally cool with him going (I have also been away with friends in the past), but I also said I felt it was a bit unfair, me sitting here in the winter and him having a grand time.

I asked if he could maybe get me something nice or get some jobs in the house paid for (we have tons of things that need doing / fixing and 10% of his windfall could fix this completely).

We’re pretty good for savings and have a decent emergency fund so we don’t need this extra money to survive.

He said I was jealous and that this was a horrible trait and that it was ridiculous that I was asking for something. I said I have supported him through years of shit, but this didn’t really seem to land… I am not after his money at all, I would just like to feel that he wants to look after me / our home.

Is it unreasonable to ask your long term partner, to buy something nice for you or fix urgent issues in the house when they have come into a decent amount of money?

I can't stand stingy partners.
If you had a windfall, I bet he'd be eyeing it up.
God bless you with a huge fortune
Amen

Original poster
Saladmess · 13/12/2025 17:04

Genevieva · 13/12/2025 16:31

If he doesn’t buy you an engagement ring and propose now he never will.

Ha I hadn’t thought about that! Interesting perspective, I will keep an eye out

OP posts:
LevelHed · 13/12/2025 17:15

YABU. You said you have had a holiday with friends so why are you upset that he can't? What difference does the time of year make?

I think you are being selfish and quite demanding suggesting he could buy you "something nice". I mean...who speaks like that?

I couldn't imagine being in a relationship like this.

Atorwave · 13/12/2025 17:16

Saladmess · 13/12/2025 17:04

Ha I hadn’t thought about that! Interesting perspective, I will keep an eye out

Show quote history

This is weird op

why are you hoping for a proposal? Presumably you’d say… no

ZoggyStirdust · 13/12/2025 17:16

Maybe he posted on here pretending to be a woman and was advised to keep it to himself. That’s what happens…

Wishimaywishimight · 13/12/2025 17:23

I just can't relate at all - if ever DH or I have ever received any unexpected money our attitude is always ""woo hoo, what shall we do?" - as a couple we enjoy anything extra together!

Dollymylove · 13/12/2025 17:38

Hes a fucking tight bastard

The end

CloudPop · 13/12/2025 17:40

LeonMccogh · 13/12/2025 14:41

You know that thread about what gave you The Ick about a partner…?

This!

⬆️

silverwrath · 13/12/2025 17:41

At the moment you're in the fortunate position of not being married or having kids with this 'prince'.

You have to decide whether you deserve better. No one can do it for you.

MO0N · 13/12/2025 17:55

I would match his energy/let him reap what he sows.
Stop kidding yourself that if only you could find the right words to explain that he isnt treating you fairly he would realise and then repay your kindness.
Well that used to be my mindset anyway, then decades later I realised it was all deliberate.
You cant turn it into a partnership if he feels he should be the boss/the star of the show/the highest ranking person, etc.

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