My partner is angry because I wont tell him my Bodycount

[northern2025]

He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
I have been single for quite a bit of this time and had several short term relationships
he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

Are you the boyfriend by any chance?

You don't have to explain anything as a grown woman with a sexual history before meeting your partner.
The number is irrelevant and he's likely going to be upset if it's ten or a hundred. I can't see this jealousy not seeping in to other parts of your relationship

Just dump him. Can't believe you're putting up wit this.

Which hopefully is what I tried to convey in that, it’s one thing asking and wanting to know and another thing accepting the answer whatever it is.

Lie then and ask him about his in return

Are you desperate OP?
What is the reason you are with him? Do you both like a drink? There has to be something you have in common with him....there has to be a reason you're being weak and allowing this bullshit to continue.

I am very uncomfortable with the way some of you are talking to someone who appears to be an abuse victim.

It is not easy to end it

My ex was exactly like this, if I told him it was 2 he would have said I was lying if I said it was 30 he would have called me a slag, so I refused to answer.
I was accused of cheating all the time, was obsessed with my past life and he tied himself up in knots trying to catch me out. had such bizarre claims of me sleeping with everyone with a penis that I came across in my daily life (even the surgeon when I had life saving surgery!)
Turned out he was a serial cheater and couldn’t believe if he was doing it it I must be too.
i imagine your partner is abusive in other ways too and I really hope you find the strength to leave him.

‘Body count’ - sounds like he’s gone down the Andrew Tate rabbit hole. Run as fast as you can from this one.

no neither of us drink, and I really don’t know
most people who know me in real life would be suprised that I tolerate this
I know I need to work on myself esteem
thankfully we do not live together

Good. Start widening your circle and take some up some new hobbies. He has trauma issues and he is reflecting them on you. Long him off ..

Speaking from experience this is a massive red flag and is likely to lead to more abusive behaviours. I’d be running for my life.

He doesn't need to trust you. The relationship is over. Why would you hang around to be spoken to/treated like that?

You definitely need to unpick why you’d rather be with this loser than choosing to be single with a whole world of opportunities before you. It’s also irrationally irritating me that you are giving him your time and love. He doesn’t deserve it!!!

He sounds very controlling and abusive. He has no right to be told any details of your intimate life before you met him. Wanting to know every detail and hounding you about it? You know that is not healthy behaviour.

End your relationship. This guy is not partner material at all. He sounds like one of those red pill dudes and they hate women and treat them very poorly.

LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS! And all the pps on this thread.

Just the term 'body count' would have me running for cover.

Leave him now OP, he's at best an awful bully & at worst an abuser. His behaviour is unacceptable & unhinged.

If your friend said this to you in your position, what would you think? I bet you'd think her partner was a controlling knob....

Fuck that noise. Get rid.

He’s treating you like this because you let him. How badly does he have to treat you before you tell him to fuck off?

You cannot dump this man quickly enough @northern2025

Think how free you'll be!

OP get a dog or cat - there's true love for you - if you can work from home especially.

He might know everything about you but I guarantee you don’t know everything about him.

Most people don’t tell someone everything - not even from a deceptive POV but just because it doesn’t come up in conversations and the other person just doesn’t need to know.

@northern2025 I've been with my DH 44 years and he has never asked for my "bodycount" (and nor have I asked about his). We're both vaguely aware of a few previous partners, but nothing more than that. Why would a current partner want to know about previous partners unless they're desperately insecure?
Your partner's clearly abusive and a misogynist. I'm sorry OP but I have no idea why you would lower yourself to be with this excuse for a man. There are so many red flags here, but this in particular: "sends me Facebook reals(sic) in the middle of the night where misogynist men are talking about a woman’s value being directly linked to how many people they have spelt(sic) with." Seriously OP? He's 50 and this is the sort of thing he's doing in the middle of the night? Why isn't he sleeping? This sort of misogynistic material he's choosing to watch online is warping his thought processes - he's sick and will only get sicker (and potentially dangerous). Please END this relationship for your own sanity, or as MNetters put it: LTB.