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Original poster

My partner is angry because I wont tell him my Bodycount

503 replies

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 21:57

He has repeatedly asked me and I haven’t answered him but now he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen, when I am mid forties now
I have been single for quite a bit of this time and had several short term relationships
he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
AGlessandahalf · 12/12/2025 23:42

Those posters who are querying why the OP wouldn’t answer the question or that honesty is fundamental in a relationship - why does it matter how many sexual partners your OH has had??

DH asked when we started going out many years ago - is it important was my answer.
Never discussed again…

Relationships do get discussed obviously but I don’t think anyone should have to say how many people they have had sex with.

OP you do sound as though you are being ground down. Can you talk to your RL friends who sat you down and get support to give you strength to bin him

CatPawsAreCute · 12/12/2025 23:44

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:05

Because he will judge me and I will have to explain each and every one

FFS dump this loser.

Bikergran · 12/12/2025 23:51

Leave now. He is not your partner, he is a controlling arsehole.

Andregroup · 12/12/2025 23:54

Anyone who uses the term 'body count' would be ousted on that alone. Assuming he wants to know how many people you've had sex with, then that's the second reason to get rid of him. He sounds revolting.

blacksax · 12/12/2025 23:55

Honesty is fundamental to a relationship, but nobody has the right to demand this sort of information.

GaIadriel · 12/12/2025 23:56

You don't have to tell him anything you don't want to. The only thing that makes me slightly pause for thought is that one of my friend's husbands refused to answer if he'd ever paid for sex - it wasn't something she'd ever thought to ask until it came up in conversation.

She was rather angry about it but he just kept saying he wasn't going to dignify that with an answer. But it's not her right to know either I guess.

BoxingHares22 · 12/12/2025 23:57

Body count? Have you murdered people? What an awful expression.

Fatsnowflake · 12/12/2025 23:59

I don’t get the bodycount thing. Do people think we are irrevocably changed by sexual intercourse? It’s very immature.

Fatsnowflake · 13/12/2025 00:00

GaIadriel · 12/12/2025 23:56

You don't have to tell him anything you don't want to. The only thing that makes me slightly pause for thought is that one of my friend's husbands refused to answer if he'd ever paid for sex - it wasn't something she'd ever thought to ask until it came up in conversation.

She was rather angry about it but he just kept saying he wasn't going to dignify that with an answer. But it's not her right to know either I guess.

That’s different. I would want to know if I was with someone who thought a human could be paid for.

QuaintMauveCrow · 13/12/2025 00:03

My ex used to do this to me & it was awful to experience. Trust me when I say, it will get even worse. Please please leave this man.

eyeses · 13/12/2025 00:05

He sounds scary and controlling. This sort of thing only ever gets worse, not better. You do not want your life to be like this. Seriously LTB.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 13/12/2025 00:06

Leave this abusive Andrew Tate wannabe. You will be safer, mentally healthier, and happier alone than you will be with a man like this.

Tell him it's over, block him on everything, and get on with living your best life.

MissDoubleU · 13/12/2025 00:08

He’s shown you he isn’t a good man. You can’t trust him with your past because you know he will use it against you. He wants a reason not to trust you so the can beat you with it. He wants to use your past as a weapon to hurt you and shame you, probably so he can control you.

Leave this fucking loser and tell him to sort himself out before getting in another relationship. He isn’t worth your time trust me - I ended up marrying my ex when he started like this and he only got worse and worse the more I tried to appease him. Just end it yourself, have your dignity and be happy without this harassment. No one should be clawing for your past so they can use it against you.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 13/12/2025 00:09

blueumbrella2016 · 12/12/2025 23:34

I don't know I feel honesty is important for a relationship.

Respecting your partner's privacy about aspects of their past that have zero effect on you is important in a relationship.

"When was your last STI screen and what was the result?" is a legitimate question. "How many men have you shagged?" is not.

Ponderingwindow · 13/12/2025 00:11

I’m of the AIDS is a death sentence and you are sleeping with every person your sex partner has ever slept with generation. Sharing your list was perfectly normal. It’s hard to adjust to the idea that people think this is privileged information.

However, he isn’t treating you with respect and that is a very big problem. If this isn’t information you want to share, he can simply take that under advisement as he makes decisions about his own body and his own health.

SlipperyLizard · 13/12/2025 00:16

Ditch him, please. I have no idea what my “body count” is, but I know in the past 25 years I’ve slept with 1 man (DH), who doesn’t know my “body count”.

Any man who has a problem with it can go fuck himself.

HisNotHes · 13/12/2025 00:19

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:14

I think he has worn me down with his poor behaviour as he has been banging on about this for months
Says he no longer loves me as I think he is an idiot as I told him I hadn’t been that promiscuous
sends me Facebook reals in the middle of the night where misogynist men are talking about a woman’s value being directly linked to how many people they have spelt with

Show quote history

“sends me Facebook reals in the middle of the night where misogynist men are talking about a woman’s value being directly linked to how many people they have spelt with”

surely this was the final nail in the coffin? You really need to never see him again.

Horses7 · 13/12/2025 00:19

🚩 🚩 🚩
I think you would be much happier without this manchild - it will just get worse.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 13/12/2025 00:20

Ponderingwindow · 13/12/2025 00:11

I’m of the AIDS is a death sentence and you are sleeping with every person your sex partner has ever slept with generation. Sharing your list was perfectly normal. It’s hard to adjust to the idea that people think this is privileged information.

However, he isn’t treating you with respect and that is a very big problem. If this isn’t information you want to share, he can simply take that under advisement as he makes decisions about his own body and his own health.

I am also Generation X. Hence meticulous use of condoms and periodic screening.

The world has changed. Misogynists now radicalise each other on forums and YouTube, using bullshit terms like "body count", "sexual market value", "fakeup", and "cock carousel" to inflame each other's contempt for and hatred of women. It's far more likely that a man asking for your "number" or "body count" is doing so to determine what some manosphere echo chamber has told him is your "sexual market value". It's become important to take this question as the red flag it is in 2025 and not give these pathetic men any benefit of doubt.

blacksax · 13/12/2025 00:20

Fatsnowflake · 12/12/2025 23:59

I don’t get the bodycount thing. Do people think we are irrevocably changed by sexual intercourse? It’s very immature.

It's a control thing and a trick question. There is no right answer:

If you say more than x number, then you are slag and can't be relied on not to jump on every passing penis. Chances are you are also a liar and have probably slept with far more than that anyway. He will never be able to trust you.

If you say less than x number, then you are a liar and can't be relied on to tell the truth about anything, ever. Oh, and you must be a slag as well because you have tried to hide the number of people you slept with by lying about it. He will never be able to trust you.

If you refuse to answer, then you must be a slag, because if you weren't, you wouldn't mind answering, would you? So he will never be able to trust you.

The only thing to say to people who insist on interrogating you about your past and continue to demand answers from you is: "Off you fuck".

powershowerforanhour · 13/12/2025 00:20

"He is rapidly approaching 50 I am slightly younger"

Of an age to have seen Four Weddings I assume. Learn the Andie McDowell character's soliloquy on the subject and recite that at him.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 13/12/2025 00:21

OP this man is an abusive tool, and possibly quite dangerous.

Can you leave?

Please leave

jackdunnock · 13/12/2025 00:21

Tell him to return you for a refund because clearly he thinks he owns you and he wasn't expecting second hand goods. Because that's what he thinks of you. In fact, he thinks he's owned you since birth, as he's sees you having previous partners before him as a reason to not trust you.

Or tell him your body count is 1000 and 999 of them were better than him (maybe save that one until you're heading out the door since he's clearly deranged).

But seriously, you do need to get away from this bloke. He thinks you're his property, not his equal, and it's men like this that one day lose the plot and get physical.

JFDIYOLO · 13/12/2025 00:22

You have some good observant friends there.

So why are you with him?

Why is being suspected, interrogated, insulted, threatened etc better than the single life?

You mention you don't live together. That seems like a good start.

JustSawJohnny · 13/12/2025 00:24

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:20

Because I feel worn down and anxious about being on my own I guess
my parents are dead and I don’t have kids but this week a couple of friends have sat me down and asked me why I am with him

Show quote history

This says a lot.

It's clear he's a walking red flag.

Tell him so and move on.