Page 17 | My partner is angry because I wont tell him my Bodycount

Original poster

northern2025 · 13/12/2025 15:05

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 13/12/2025 09:42

@northern2025 here is everything you've said about him and your relationship with him across three threads in the last 7 months:

I feel so bad because my boyfriend keeps letting himself into my place when I don’t expect him to be there

he knows it has made me cry before

I just wish he would give me a bit of notice but he will spend the evening sulking

he used to be nice to me but he isn’t anymore

Just on the train dreading going home

he isn’t that kind to her

[Your dog] she hides when he is there and refuses to go with him

I would worry what would happen to her if I gave her back

He has gone before I got back because he was in such a huff about the flat

instead I will be making him dinner, apologising for the worst bits of myself and I know he will have dogs about how he thinks I am cheating on him

but now he is unpleasant to me a lot of the time and quite tight with his money

There is no kindness towards me from him, I can’t even remember the last time he paid for anything all he does is dig at me about men I have dated in the past

we have a good life together when he isn’t here

maybe that is why he has started to be unkind to me as I prefer the dog

He isn’t here he has fucked off in a huff I can use the other lock so he can’t get in

I just felt relief when I was coming home today without having to pander to him and hope he throws a crumb of kindness my way

he has me just constantly trying to please him and it’s never enough

I think he has got me so stressed that I am being irrational

I used to think what my perfect day would be and they stopped including him normally they included me and the dog going to the beach and sharing a bag of chips

when people are saying I am lovely I just feel surprised as it’s a long time since I have felt lovely

he is sulking quite badly

I actually don’t he likes me...certainly the looks of disgust he gives me would reflect this

I really don’t know what I have done, but he has totally refused to speak to be for two days

My partner collected me from the station and stayed the night but has been ignoring ever sinceI am racking my brains to think of what I could have done because now I feel stressed and anxious and cannot sleepThe only thing he has said to me is I should know why because of Tuesday night

I ve woken up before and found him standing in the lounge and he got cross because I screamed

I used to tell him that he would end up making me ill with his comments about my past

I have been with him nearly four years
I feel sick and anxious at the moment

I always feel anxious when I go out as I know he doesn’t like it deep downhe asked me “what my body count is” the other week and became cross when I wouldn’t give him a figurehe is always telling me he knows I have another boyfriend

He knows I normally try hard to please him

I know he will use the fact that I haven’t chased him for a response as proof I am with another manit’s relentless

nothing is ever going to change, he isn’t kind enough to me either

he normally has acted up whenever I have been away with work as well

I normally turn myself inside out to placate him

He is incredibly childish

I suspect he will come over so I can see that he is incredibly cross with me

he got a dog and then didn’t like her

he has become increasingly unpleasant

he doesn’t give a rational reason for it

he would sulk about ithe doesn’t give a rational reason for it

he has sat me down and said think carefully exactly what you say and wanted me to talk about my sec life since I was a teen,

he is making me feel anxious and isn’t speaking to me now as thinks I can’t be trusted

Because he will judge me and I will have to explain each and every one

its been going on for weeks he says he can’t ever trust me as I have never told him the truth

whatever I say will he dissected and gone over and over,

would you judge sulk and call someone a slag

he has worn me down with his poor behaviour

Says he no longer loves me

sends me Facebook reals in the middle of the night where misogynist men are talking about a woman’s value being directly linked to how many people they have spelt with

he has become so irrational, and unpleasant.

he has become even worse

I can’t keep on like this

You've lost 4 YEARS of your life to him!

Thank you so much for this, and taken the time to list it all and help a stranger on the internet, it really is very kind
I m rereading this and it really helps

OP posts:

Comedycook · 13/12/2025 15:06

Men who ask this tend to be pathetically insecure....I have no idea how many women my DH has slept with and he has no idea how many men I've slept with and we've never asked each other either.

ilovejam · 13/12/2025 15:07

Tell him to fuck off

dapsnotplimsolls · 13/12/2025 15:09

He's expecting you to beg him to take you back. Don't. Change the locks and enjoy your life.

ilovejam · 13/12/2025 15:09

SillyJilly2020 · 12/12/2025 22:02

I dnt see the problem. My husband knows everything about my past and I know woth him. Even things that made him uncomfortable. I wld find it strange if he wasnt willing to tell me

Really now??

LeadBubbles · 13/12/2025 15:14

northern2025 · 13/12/2025 15:05

Thank you so much for this, and taken the time to list it all and help a stranger on the internet, it really is very kind
I m rereading this and it really helps

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This list is so heartbreaking 💔💔💔

MelOfTheRoses · 13/12/2025 15:15

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:20

Because I feel worn down and anxious about being on my own I guess
my parents are dead and I don’t have kids but this week a couple of friends have sat me down and asked me why I am with him

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You have friends ❤️

Keep the friends and dump the man. 👍

(PS - also keep the dog and your sister. 🥰

RosaMundi27 · 13/12/2025 15:17

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:05

Because he will judge me and I will have to explain each and every one

Massive red flags here - get out before he progresses to "punishing" you for having a sex life before you met him.

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 13/12/2025 15:22

I think I am scared of having no one there at all, and in parts we have had a nice time and I kept hoping it would get better

OP, in the past I stayed in a toxic relationship because I was scared of being alone. When I finally left – oh my god, the RELIEF of being on my own! I felt so empowered, in a way I never had when I was with him. Don't be scared of being on your own. It doesn't have to be lonely and it puts you in control of your own life and your own choices. It's being with him that's making you scared – you'll lose the fear once you do it.

And fwiw, he sounds an absolutely appalling human being. Being nice now and again is just a way of keeping you hooked. Just leave. You and the dog will both be so much happier without him.

JustSawJohnny · 13/12/2025 15:25

northern2025 · 13/12/2025 02:34

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5362655-my-boyfriend-isnt-talking-to-me-after-a-night-out?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

this is also him

Just more (thoroughly unsurprising) evidence that he's a massive red flag.

Controlling, childish, entitled, abusive twat.

Is having a partner really worth putting up with this shit?

Preg1989 · 13/12/2025 15:31

Run. Fast.

blacksax · 13/12/2025 15:37

northern2025 · 13/12/2025 15:01

I do read the comments and they help, I often went back and read the kind support comments to try and make myself feel better
even the harsh ones I appreciate
I think I am scared of having no one there at all, and in parts we have had a nice time and I kept hoping it would get better
thankfully we don’t live together and I am arranging a network to help me with my dog
she is fantastic and I can’t regret the relationship as it has led me to having the most perfect furry angel in my life
I can’t keep on like this though because he has become so unpleasant
he also sent me a message saying we need to take a break as he has reservations about certain things
I haven’t replied and I don’t plan to

You have your Get out of Jail Card right there. He's suggested a break so take him up on it.

Perhaps you could reply saying "Agree with taking a break, as I too have reservations about certain things".

Grammarnut · 13/12/2025 15:39

SillyJilly2020 · 12/12/2025 22:02

I dnt see the problem. My husband knows everything about my past and I know woth him. Even things that made him uncomfortable. I wld find it strange if he wasnt willing to tell me

Well, to some extent it's not a problem but OP's DP's reaction to her reasonable wish not to discuss her past if she doesn't want to is a red flag (as they say here). He's controlling. Best thrown back.

AngelicKaty · 13/12/2025 15:43

@northern2025 "he also sent me a message saying we need to take a break as he has reservations about certain things.
I haven’t replied and I don’t plan to"
Why not OP? You should reply - something along the lines of "No, not a 'break'. I want to end our relationship. Don't contact me again, we're done." (And block him.) Then you can move on and enjoy all the wonderful people in your life and, in time, add to them ...

AngelicKaty · 13/12/2025 15:49

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 13/12/2025 15:22

I think I am scared of having no one there at all, and in parts we have had a nice time and I kept hoping it would get better

OP, in the past I stayed in a toxic relationship because I was scared of being alone. When I finally left – oh my god, the RELIEF of being on my own! I felt so empowered, in a way I never had when I was with him. Don't be scared of being on your own. It doesn't have to be lonely and it puts you in control of your own life and your own choices. It's being with him that's making you scared – you'll lose the fear once you do it.

And fwiw, he sounds an absolutely appalling human being. Being nice now and again is just a way of keeping you hooked. Just leave. You and the dog will both be so much happier without him.

THIS 👆with knobs on - it's so true - freedom from people who undermine you and destroy your self-esteem is empowering! 💪

PithyTaupeWriter · 13/12/2025 16:01

blacksax · 13/12/2025 15:37

You have your Get out of Jail Card right there. He's suggested a break so take him up on it.

Perhaps you could reply saying "Agree with taking a break, as I too have reservations about certain things".

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He’s wanting her to beg him to reconsider. I’d just ignore him (and change the locks)

Dery · 13/12/2025 16:03

It’s great that he’s suggested that you take a break. As a PP said, no doubt he is expecting you to beg but he’s done you a favour! You’re right not to respond. Enjoy your new peaceful life, OP. He will probably huff and puff when he realises you’ve let him go. If you need support to resist that, reach out here and IRL for support, and police if he gets really scary.

kimonok · 13/12/2025 16:04

SillyJilly2020 · 12/12/2025 22:02

I dnt see the problem. My husband knows everything about my past and I know woth him. Even things that made him uncomfortable. I wld find it strange if he wasnt willing to tell me

And you don't get alarm bells from a phrase like "think carefully exactly what you say"?? Doesn't sound somewhat threatening to you?

Walk away, OP.

Topseyt123 · 13/12/2025 16:06

northern2025 · 12/12/2025 22:05

Because he will judge me and I will have to explain each and every one

In that case I would tell him "I have thought carefully now and you can fuck right off out of my life as I don't want a relationship with a controlling arse."

SillyJilly2020 · 13/12/2025 16:06

kimonok · 13/12/2025 16:04

And you don't get alarm bells from a phrase like "think carefully exactly what you say"?? Doesn't sound somewhat threatening to you?

Walk away, OP.

Show quote history

From everything op has said since then yes I do. At the start it seemed to me like he was getting annoyed that she was keeping things from him.

bizkittt · 13/12/2025 16:10

Body count is a disgusting term. He sounds controlling and horrible. Surely you don’t need a man that much to put up with him?

AcrossthePond55 · 13/12/2025 16:37

@northern2025

So he wants to 'take a break', does he? I think you need to make it clear that this break is permanent. Abusers often use the 'take a break' tactic as a threat and to make you 'behave' when they think they've 'scared' you enough. You need to be decisive for YOU and end this shit show 'out loud' not by simply not replying to his message.

I suggest texting him something like this; "<his name> I have been thinking about our relationship for some time now and it no longer works for me. My decision is final and I do not intend to discuss my reasons with you. Please do not contact me again." Then block him every which way you can.

If there are things of yours at his place I'd count them well lost to be rid of him. If there are things of his at yours box them up and send them to him.

You won't be 'lonely' or 'alone' without him. I daresay you will soon find your time filled with the people who truly value you and the activities you didn't do because they 'upset' him.

Onwards and upwards!

Daleksatemyshed · 13/12/2025 17:05

He's a desperately insecure man Op and his behaviour won't get any better. He thinks taking a break from you will pull you back into line but you'd be far better off using this opportunity to break up with him. Better off just you and your lovely dog

Kulwinder54 · 13/12/2025 17:10

Give him a high figure eg 1,367 and then tell him to f off. He is not your partner

Ritaskitchen · 13/12/2025 17:12

Um no. You need to walk away.