Lied about his age - sackable offence?

[Crumpet444]

Been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. Met online, his age was 48 on his profile. I am 36, I generally have no issue with guys being a bit older, in fact have always dated men older than me.

First date was actually on his birthday which I didn’t realise until the day itself, he said he was 48 ON his birthday but the app changed to 49. I asked him about it and he said no, he was 48, so I assumed it was an error on the app. One year, no biggie.

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him - Seems mutual and we both want something serious. He is listed as a director for something on companies house, birth year 1971 which makes him 54!! Definitely him as the company tallies up with what he told me, his name isn’t common and month was correct.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?! I get shaving a few years off for the app, but fess up straight away surely, especially when I asked him directly about it and he lied. I get it may be an insecurity thing but it’s not so much the age that’s an issue but the lying. It also means there is far more of a substantial age gap between us than I realised. FWIW he looks very good for his age!

I guess I’ll have to be the on to bring it up won’t I? And confess I was googling 😂 or is it likely companies house is wrong?!

100%

You need to ask him face to face. His response will tell you a lot.

I will never understand why people do this - blatantly lie about who they are and what they want.

It's so supremely arrogant and entitled to think "well, I dont care what that person wants from their life, I will just lie to them to get what I want".

I feel like this kind of entitlement is almost more of a red flag than the actual lie itself - its the underlying selfish attitude that "I dont care about them, I want what I want" that I find really creepy and disturbing.

You can guarantee that if they have this underlying belief it wont end there either, it will seep out of them in other multiple ways in the relationship too meaning they will always prioritise themselves and not give a shit about the other person's feelings

we were supposed to be meeting tonight but don't think that's happening now, sadly, which means I'll have to sit on it for a while!

I think you should add "willing to date 50+" to your profile, and when your inbox collapses under the weight of silver haired hopefulls, you can compare big fibber against the competition.

Why would you pursue the lying fifty year old, when you'd be inundated with honest ones leaping to date you. Assuming their bad backs permit leaping..

Agree with this - DH and I are mid fifties with a 17 and 20 to. It’s gruelling enough doing the ubering and supporting them through UCAS applications and A levels/Uni at our age. I can’t imagine starting with a baby now and being mid seventies at this stage of my kids’ lives.

I think one of the reasons some men of his age target women of OP’s age is because they assume they are NOT looking for a family/children. I could be wrong - OP may have clearly indicated whether wanted that in her profile - but I am generally suspicious of men in their 50’s dating women 20 years younger. It reeks of misogyny in that ‘older’ women are not deemed attractive enough or worthy of their attention. IME those sort of men, drop those women as soon as they age out of their acceptable range. Leonardo di Caprio springs to mind…

I'm curious. So if anyone's ok tto take the time to enlighten me.

Being of an age where OLD wasn't really a thing.

What do you do when you meet someone by chance IRL - at a bar, event, work, blind-date, 4-some, etc. - do you google the sh*t out of them too? And when/how do you get all the details about them (age, height, etc) versus your perceived guesses about them (he looked early 40's, about 6', etc).

Or does nobody meet their prospective partners any other way these days?

And, what's the opinion on putting up old pictures, or using filters? Or is that acceptable cos you get to see the real them from the first meet?

It just seems odd to me to have their whole story at the outset, rather than learn all that when you meet and over time.

Also - a slightly nerdy question I guess - if OLD apps update your age based on your DOB, do they also update your acceptable age-range if you're still their 5 years later?

TIA

Companies House will be correct. He's lied. Ending it now is having self respect.

My 1st exh [he was 23 years older than me] told me he was looking for someone in her mid 20's when I divorced him. [Only been married a year]
He seriously thought that a young woman would want to date a 56 year old man, who had moved back with his parents, had zero social skills and I was the 1st woman he'd apparently slept with. I mean come on have a word with yourself mate, totally deluded.🙄
Incidently, according to my kidults who see him from time to time there has been the odd casual girlfriend and certainly non the age of my boys. 😄

OP, lying is never a good look, and 6 years is quite the lie.
I would strongly suggest if you continue to see him, you do so on your terms.
Nurse with a purse is a saying for a reason.

Not a chance would I consider having children with older man, even more so in his 50's, autism spikes hugely in the children of older men, something I only realised after having my last child.

His lying tells you so much about him IMO.
I hope you move on.

Does he have children. Most men come with a past life.

Yes he has teenagers.

Yeah I was thinking this - he just wants a few shags and will quite likely dump you if you want something more? 🤷

Just popping up to say it can be wrong on CH. my husbands DOB is wrong on there and we’ve been together 25 years since we were kids so I know his DOB. Jack Monroe also rather (in)famously has her DOB wrong on CH.

Sounds like you had a bit of intuition anyway and it’s far more probable that he’s lied but it’s isn’t a complete impossibility that CH have it wrong.

@CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone thing is, back in the olden days when I was young and dating - you mainly met people in bars etc via friends and colleagues. Or they lived locally, so there was a raft of informal references and safety checks built into the way you dated. And of course there were hundreds of women who, without access to formal background data, ended up in abusive and dangerous relationships, and even dead - which is why we now have Sarah’s law and lots of other ways to check a person out. In theory it means single women should feel and BE safer now as a result.

The fact is that Linked-in and all the social media profiles that people voluntarily share for public consumption mean that women can - and should - check out people they meet randomly. It’s not invasive if it’s on public record available to anyone anywhere - those people have put it there for that purpose. I use it all the time - to check out the new neighbours (he’s a plonker), to see if my new tutor is likely to be sympathetic to the uni project etc

I am pretty sure my DCs would check people out there too whether for dating or just to see what their new managers/tutors’ SM posts say about them.

So he lies to women to get them to sleep with him? I'd have no tolerance for that.

Prepare yourself for anger from him when you tell him you know his age. That sort will always try to reverse the situation and say you are in the wrong for 'spying' on him.

Oh yes, he'll turn it on the OP for sure.

He thinks he can tell you a lie, that you will accept that lie, and that he'll get away with lying.

From what you've said about him he comes across as the kind of man who deep down is quite arrogant about his place in both the world and in a relationship, and who will always believe himself to be the smarter one of the couple.

Checking is easy, and whilst disappointed at least you needn't invest more in a relationship with someone who lies so easily.

My dad is 54 and is a granddad to two boys. An afternoon at my house wipes him out.

I just can't believe men that age would want to go back to sleepless nights etc

@CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone

But we have the option to search people now so why on earth wouldnt we use it? thats a bit like saying why bother using seat belts in cars- plenty of us didnt use them in the 80s and we didnt all die. Sure, but it doesnt mean it ISNT a good idea to use them now for safety benefits and they have probably saved a lot of lives (same as perhaps, Clare's law has for the exact purpose of searching a man's background).

Back in the day, people tended to meet at work or through friends so you already knew a fair bit about someone already. Travel was not as common and so you tended to know people already in your local community. Thats not the case now.

For those that met at bars or nightclubs there was always safety advice from various women's organisations suggesting people didnt go back to a strangers house or to meet in a public place until you go to know someone better.

With regards to filters etc - plenty of men are very vocal about their annoyance at women using filters in OLD so the idea its only women being annoyed about lying is simply not true. Men have zero guilt at turning down a woman who turns out to be more overweight than they specified in OLD so I am not sure why women need to be more accommodating.

This is nonsense.

Of course you’re not a red flag to have done some digging OP, women who fact check information they’ve been told by a new man should be commended.

Gullibly believing everything you hear is a risk when you meet someone new, but especially when online dating, given you know next to nothing about them.

Not really. It’s pretty well known that if guys put 50/50+, they don’t get the responses they would if they put even 49.

Not hugely different from an overweight woman posting a picture from years back of her slender days.

Eveyone lies. And it’s disingenuous to pretend otherwise.

However… - it’s more about when it’s not cleared up after the first few dates lying and is systemic and indicative of other issues

Back to your OP, I would not like this as I would not consider dating a man 18 years older than me, the gap is just too big. The fact that he would have got me there under false pretences would make me want to finish things completely.

Sorry OP, another case of too good to be true.

There's one positive he has good genes most people at his age looks fucked. Men who lie about their age are insecure and believe that no woman will want them. He is 13 years from pension age. He lies about his age because he can get away with it and that boosts his ego.

I would have fun with him ask him to go on holiday with you. Ask him to send his passport details to you so you can sort out the flights. Is he ready for a committed relationship.

There's one positive he has good genes most people at his age looks fucked

HARSH !