Lied about his age - sackable offence?

[Crumpet444]

Been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. Met online, his age was 48 on his profile. I am 36, I generally have no issue with guys being a bit older, in fact have always dated men older than me.

First date was actually on his birthday which I didn’t realise until the day itself, he said he was 48 ON his birthday but the app changed to 49. I asked him about it and he said no, he was 48, so I assumed it was an error on the app. One year, no biggie.

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him - Seems mutual and we both want something serious. He is listed as a director for something on companies house, birth year 1971 which makes him 54!! Definitely him as the company tallies up with what he told me, his name isn’t common and month was correct.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?! I get shaving a few years off for the app, but fess up straight away surely, especially when I asked him directly about it and he lied. I get it may be an insecurity thing but it’s not so much the age that’s an issue but the lying. It also means there is far more of a substantial age gap between us than I realised. FWIW he looks very good for his age!

I guess I’ll have to be the on to bring it up won’t I? And confess I was googling 😂 or is it likely companies house is wrong?!

Unless he’s faking his entire accent as well I suspect not. I know his address but don’t know how to do a smart search?

Or, what any sane person would do: text him and ask his age. Nationality as well now 😗

Your logic is completely correct. When I said I thought it was an error on the app I meant maybe he had made an error. It uses a ‘scroll’ type system for entering your birthday and it can be easy to accidentally set it a year out although he would be stupid to not notice and correct it.
Now in the context of CH I realise my original assumption is unlikely. I basically just need to see his driving licence 😂

He has an accent he isn’t lying about his nationality!

From his address one thing you can do easy peasy is check the Land Registry title online of ownership of that house.

Whilst HM Land Regustry docs do not list date of birth they do list absolutely full names including all middle names.

This could assist clearing up any confusion with the person you found on Companies House with a 1971 date of birth.

@RavenFinch You make really good points. You’re right, I’d forgotten about the original lie.

I don’t know how these apps work having never been registered on one myself but your explanation makes it sound like he must have shaved 5 years off being born in ‘71.

You have to enter your DOB and you get a message saying ‘you are xx years old please confirm’ witb yes or no options.

So it’s almost impossible to accidentally shave several years off your age

You do - need to see his driving licence or passport. But driving licence should be fairly easy whilst he's driving you out and about / to a restaurant / to your next date.

● Have you already tried all social media sites to see if there are any previous birthday posts which would clarify 1971, 1976 or 77?

● Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, SnapChat, or whatever else people are using these days ???

I found his Instagram, not used for ages and nothing to verify age. He’s not on any other social media as far as I can tell, probably because he is so old 😂

LinkedIn?

Ask to see his drivers licence. Simple, direct. Just get it over with when you’re next with him.

good point. I checked. He has his uni dates on there. Unless he went when he was like 12, he is 54 🙄

You need to call him and confront him. There is no excuse for lying to your face and I don’t believe this deceit is something you should forgive. It’s too big. I think deep down you know that yourself.

The fact that it is so easily provable that he lied is also quite insulting. He relied on you being so easily manipulated and gullible that you would take his word and wouldn’t check. He is then going to count on you being so into him, now that he has his hooks in, that you let it all slide.

But you really need to ask yourself if you could genuinely trust him after this.

The answer (re his age / date of birth) exists on the divorce papers. Many of these are searchable online (not Google - Baili case law legal website) - only accessible by law professionals.

Also the person you know "casually" who did his divorce probably also knows the answer.

Hmmmmmmm.

Depends how much detective work do you want to do before you confront him?

If it was me - with the doubt that the Companies House thing has put into the picture - I would be searching all available sources before confronting him.

I’ve lost a lot of respect for him for sure. Part of me was hoping CH was wrong.

His LinkedIn profile verifies it as his university dates are on there.
like honestly how long did he think I was going to go without checking that?!
he must think I’m a total idiot.

Sorry that’s really pissed me off. I text him.

No man is worth all the time you’ve spent thinking about this.

You did a quick google search to check that he is who he says he is. His details should have checked out and you’d be enjoying your Friday.

Instead, you found he isn’t the age he said he was, he lied on the app and then even worse lied to your face.

Now you’ve spent all this time wondering if his CH date of birth is incorrect due to some kind of error, wondered how else you can check his age, and spent ages trying to figure out what you do. Now you’ve found his age from LinkedIn. Again, more of your time wasted.

Get back on the apps and get a date arranged with someone else. Don’t waste any more time on this liar.

No well I’ve messaged now. We’ll await the response. See if he actually mans up and deals with it. I wasn’t confrontational just factual.

Good for you op, let us know how it goes.

@rockwater

I think that poster was a man who said they were 79 and as fit as a 50 year old! 🤣 It's completely delusional. There is no way an almost 80 year old looks the same and is as fit as a 50 year old.

I dont blame your friend one bit, nothing on earth would convince me to date a 68 year old man in my early 40s - definitely looking for a nurse with a purse

Yes I think it was a man now you come to mention it! 😆 Also, I have learned a new phrase this week 'nurse with a purse!' Never heard this before. 😆

@TwistedWonder

I’m in my 50’s and still pretty active and social. Most people think I’m late 40’s when they meet me.

Easy to believe, some women in their 50s, can pass for late 40s.

In my foray into OLD I was bombarded by men in their lates 60’s and 70’s (and even an 82 year old) most of who resembled either Rab C Nesbitt or Dobbys more wizened old brother who all insisted ‘age is only a number’ and most of whom got quite aggressive and defensive when they got a polite no thanks.

Rab C Nesbitt or Dobby's wizened old brother! 😆

Honestly whether 40 or 90 they all delude themselves that women decades their junior are gagging for them

Utterly true.

As a few posters have said, when I was much younger - I got men as old as 45 hitting on me (when I was between 16 and 25,) and men as old as 55-58 hitting on me when I was 26-38-ish. So delusional!!! I am in my mid-late 50s now, and get some men my age looking at me like I'm something they stepped in, and knocking me out of the way to get to a woman who is 30 years younger than me (and them) like she's going to be interested in him! 😆

It's weird, coz I don't assume good looking young men in their 20s and 30s are going to fancy me!!! (a slightly chubby woman in her mid-late 50s, with 15% grey hair, who looks her age - like pretty much everyone does!!!)

It's quite liberating to not be hit on every time I go out, (and I haven't been for about 17-18 years,) but it's also a bit depressing coz I'm not a young hottie anymore! 😂 That said, I do get the odd cheeky buggar in his late 70s/in his 80s giving me the eye. 😂 I'm a young bit of stuff to them LOL!!!!!!

But yeah, as has been said, the majority of middle aged and older men, have got nothing to offer a woman. Why they think a woman a generation younger than them will be interested in them just baffles me.

My guess is he’ll be too cowardly to call me and deal with it properly.
no phone call so far. I know he has family over but I would expect an immediate reply saying he at least plans to call me.
I do actually feel quite upset now and have that horrible feeling you get when you’ve been scammed.

Can you watch a film or do something nice for yourself? Don’t sit there on your phone waiting for him to respond. He’s really upset and disappointed you and you don’t deserve to be treated like this. He’s probably been having a great day whilst you’ve been worrying about it all.

I’m truly sorry OP.

I can see now that your earlier equanimity was because you hoped there must be some mistake based on your positive impression of him thus far.

The realisation that someone has lied to you is horrible when it hits.

Or is it that he’s a total idiot. That would be my conclusion.