Lied about his age - sackable offence?

[Crumpet444]

Been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. Met online, his age was 48 on his profile. I am 36, I generally have no issue with guys being a bit older, in fact have always dated men older than me.

First date was actually on his birthday which I didn’t realise until the day itself, he said he was 48 ON his birthday but the app changed to 49. I asked him about it and he said no, he was 48, so I assumed it was an error on the app. One year, no biggie.

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him - Seems mutual and we both want something serious. He is listed as a director for something on companies house, birth year 1971 which makes him 54!! Definitely him as the company tallies up with what he told me, his name isn’t common and month was correct.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?! I get shaving a few years off for the app, but fess up straight away surely, especially when I asked him directly about it and he lied. I get it may be an insecurity thing but it’s not so much the age that’s an issue but the lying. It also means there is far more of a substantial age gap between us than I realised. FWIW he looks very good for his age!

I guess I’ll have to be the on to bring it up won’t I? And confess I was googling 😂 or is it likely companies house is wrong?!

Yeah to be clear he said he mentioned me to his mum because he asked her for recipe tips for a dinner he cooked for me. I don’t think it was anything more sinister than that.

I’m disappointed. He seemed decent.

Disagree. I would and have made a decision not to date any man who lies about his age/height on OLD.

Ive met at couple of men I liked but as soon as I found out they’d lied, I was out.

Don't take the extremely low bar of some of the MN threads as an example of what level of dregs most women accept just to have a bloke.

No he didn't.

He seemed decent at first, so it’s a bummer.

It was me who said anyone who can look you in the eyes and lie is someone you will never be able to trust.

I get some people can get past someone lying about their age/height whatever else online even though I couldn’t but once they’ve to your face, you have absolute proof they are a dishonest liar who will say anything to get their own way.

I'm not sure a 54 year old man who can't cook a dinner without having to ask him mum for tips is any more appealing, tbh.

It means he left his wife to do all the cooking. Presumably to such an extent he never once cooked her a special meal (or perhaps any meal), if he didn't know how to do that by the time you came along.

I had one date once with a 50 year old man who proudly told me he had recently learnt he could cook. When I queried why he had only just learnt this, he said he had lived with his Mum, and then his wife. As if that were a reasonable explanation. I did not agree to a second date.

I think you've just stumbled across the reason why he is keen to make the relationship seem meaningful and close very early on. If you want to end up as this man's cook and housekeeper, carry on.

Yep - a nurse with a purse. It’s a common theme with middle aged men

I know people are accusing me of defending, but honestly this is a bit ridiculous. It’s also possible he wanted to cook something nice and was asking her opinion. Not everything has to be evidence of someone being a woeful human being. I also spoke to my family about him, I think if you like someone that’s quite normal and doesn’t have to be love bombing.

there is also, a chance, albeit small that CH is wrong particularly given the directorship itself lasted only 7 days before a resignation. Unlikely yes but possible.

I would really like to not go through life having such an automatic low opinion of men. I know they don’t make it easy but I don’t want to go down that road. I see enough examples of terrible specimens in my line of work…

He has a lot more money than I do.

Wow I feel like everyone on here just wants you to end it and be alone. The fact you have to keep justifying yourself over and over is ridiculous.

I hope he comes clean, before you have to drag it out of him, and, if it's still what you want, something is salvageable.

People on here are acting like they've never told a lie!

Crumpet444, depends what you were looking for in the 1st place?
Tho must say 18yrs is quite a bit older…

If you’re only 5 dates in (rather than 5 years in), why bother continuing to see someone you already feel you have to be calculating around and watching to see what they do? It’s true that women on the Relationships board often accept bigger lies from their partners but that makes sense when they have lives built together, marriage and children, not just 5 dates.

I agree it’s not analogous to rape by deception, but it would make me feel gross to know that a man was having sex with me while holding this secret that he knew might well change my mind about whether I wanted to have sex with him. It’s one thing to lie on a first date but to continue lying when the dating progresses to sex just feels … worse?

As for waiting to see if he brings it up in the next couple of weeks, can you really sit across from, laugh with, kiss a relative stranger you know has lied to you while acting normal? Why would you do that to yourself? You’re worth more than that.

Why does he have to ask his Mum about how to cook something nice? I have never done that. My H has never done that. Nor has any boyfriend. I have never heard of any person in their 50s phoning their Mum to ask how to cook a meal for a date or partner or indeed anything. This is because we have all cooked lots and lots of meals in the decades of our adult life, including nice meals for special occasions and dinner parties.

Someone who has spent their decades not doing this, might have to though. Someone who had someone else to do that for them.

Wow I feel like everyone on here just wants you to end it and be alone.

Yes because she either puts up with a lier 18 years her senior or she'll be 'alone'.

The fact you have to keep justifying yourself over and over is ridiculous.

The OP chose to make a post asking for people's opinions.

It's not our fault if she's determined to be with this loser despite all the warning signs.

And OP, no-one is asking you to have a low opinion of men.

They are encouraging you to be clear sighted about what THIS man's behaviour is telling you about HIM.

Agree re the cooking. I think this is him trying to show he’s making real effort and make you feel like he’s making no you a part of his life. Shouldn’t he be able to cook you a nice meal without mummy’s hand hold at this very late stage of his life?? His poor mum is probably trying to enjoy bingo night at the retirement home ffs.

I think it was more in the context of she had been visiting the week prior and it had been discussed as part of a normal conversation. I hardly think this is an issue tbh. Not everything is a red flag.

the only thing that is a red flag is the lie, and I know it’s a relatively big one.

Also, agreed. I have a very high opinion of good men. Unfortunately there are a lot of bad men. That’s just fact. Being able to avoid them by expecting a basic level of decency is key here.

If you forgive anyone who can appear half decent for a few months but ultimately lied to your face about who they are, you won’t find a good man.

I have a wonderful DH and I know many of the women replying here do too. We expect more because we have more. We don’t think it’s too much to ask that a man doesn’t lie, deceive and manipulate you. Because it bloody shouldn’t ever be! The bar needs raising, OP. Giving him another few weeks? For what? For him to get further under your skin? Ask to see his ID next time you see him. Just ask. Why would you be scared to? You can clarify after he shows why you asked.

Continuing to sleep with him while knowing he’s deliberately deceiving you is maddening. Why? Because he’s not been an absolute cunt in the few months you have known him? Raise the bloody bar.

What utter BS!

The OP is young, attractive and successful by all accounts - she could find many men who would love to date her. The idea that her only options in life are: 1. a lying, divorced 54 year old man who cant cook a meal without asking his mum or 2. Forever alone is just laughable.

Frankly, I dont know how you even typed that sentence out without laughing its so ridiculous

Quite easily to be honest.

Tell me where I said those where her only two options though?

She's said several times that it wasn't in the context of 'help me cook'.

And I'm not doubting she can't find any other men who would love to date her and that this is her only option.

But she has also said that this age is on the boundary of who she would date, meaning she would potentially date him had he be honest from the get go. And other than the lie of the age, she liked him.

I think everyone is being extremely harsh on the OP for having a think about things first.

But this would be the main issue for me (and why in your position he'd definitely be in the bin). I'd be thinking if he lied about this, and kept up the pretence, then what else has he lied about? What might he lie about in the future? I couldn't live like that.

I would really like to not go through life having such an automatic low opinion of men.

You’re urged to be discerning and discriminating on an individual example. You need to be astute and shrewd.

Surely you can differentiate between that and a blanket policy?

I was more referring to the poster saying I should assume because he mentioned cooking for me and discussed it with his mum and perhaps asked for some recipes that I should then automatically assume he treats all women as maids and can’t cook for himself, and never has done ever, and the fact it was mentioned to his mum in the context of her visiting him a few days before I went over means he has been love bombing me 😂

Exactly. I don’t want to be involved with a liar because you never know what they’ll lie about.

as opposed to the younger woman targeting the older man being the norm because they are more likely to have more money?????