Lied about his age - sackable offence?

[Crumpet444]

Been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months. Met online, his age was 48 on his profile. I am 36, I generally have no issue with guys being a bit older, in fact have always dated men older than me.

First date was actually on his birthday which I didn’t realise until the day itself, he said he was 48 ON his birthday but the app changed to 49. I asked him about it and he said no, he was 48, so I assumed it was an error on the app. One year, no biggie.

However, I did a google search the other day out of curiosity, given I am getting a bit more invested and wanted to just check everything checks out, everything going well and I really like him - Seems mutual and we both want something serious. He is listed as a director for something on companies house, birth year 1971 which makes him 54!! Definitely him as the company tallies up with what he told me, his name isn’t common and month was correct.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?! I get shaving a few years off for the app, but fess up straight away surely, especially when I asked him directly about it and he lied. I get it may be an insecurity thing but it’s not so much the age that’s an issue but the lying. It also means there is far more of a substantial age gap between us than I realised. FWIW he looks very good for his age!

I guess I’ll have to be the on to bring it up won’t I? And confess I was googling 😂 or is it likely companies house is wrong?!

Ditch him. 20 year gap is far too much and he knows it.
In 20 years you'll be 50s he'll be 70s and who knows what condition he'll get in. We all want to think we'll be that 70 something out doing marathons but...

Would you have dated him if you knew his real age? He is a lot older than you op which would put me off. I would be annoyed as technically he has pretended to be something he isn’t. I have seen men I know lie about age, height, smoking etc.

My friend ( female) has reduced her age by about 9 years on the app. I said’is that not blatant deception’ she just said ‘well biometricalIy I do have the body of a X year old’

He's too old to have more kids. OK, biologically he may be capable but just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Having the profile a few years younger (or older) due to the algorithm, search parameters etc? Not great but fair enough (I suppose). But OP asked him directly and he lied. That definitely isn’t okay. I’d throw this one back, tbh.

Perfect so far combined with having no problem lying about his age when directly asked by you? Maybe I’m too jaded. But that makes the red flag even „redder“ to me!

I'm a 54 year old bloke, and I'm definitely not condoning it. But I'm also bloody glad I'm happily married, and can't imagine how decrepit I'd feel on the dating scene.

Only if you insisted on dating women decades younger.

There are lots of women in their 50s who would be very happy to date a decent man their own age. The problem is many men in their 50s consider women in their own age group to be 'too old' for them.

I think that OLD is a minefield now. My DD is on it, and has had people look quite different! 54 seems a bit older than 48 though on a profile.I think if you like him then you have to decide what to do. Age is just a number really .Younger men are often unreliable ,and mess about a lot (DD has found this)

Maybe if you stopped calling them ‘females’ you might get somewhere. Also, no 78 year old has the energy of a 50 year old, that’s just deluded.

Actually, if you did put your real age on a profile, you might get some interest from nice women in their 70’s looking for a date.

yeah I mean it's not great, but I can see how you can do that for your profile not thinking its a big deal because you haven't really engaged with anyone yet, it's all hypothetical and doesn't seem 'real'. It was worse when he lied when I queried it but also can see how he might have panicked a bit and only the first date so he didn't want to risk pissing me off enough to not see him again. It fits with how he has been overall in terms of being really keen to impress and please me (and he has been exemplary in terms of making sure I am happy and looked after) so I don't think it's necessarily ill intent, or sleazy, or entitlement per se. More wanting to be chosen.

I know that's me being generous, but there are things we all would rather keep quiet about in the early stages, not the same as lying, and not the same as something as basic as your age, but I know I am prone to dumping over the smallest thing so I want to be sure I'm not reacting without due consideration to avoid having to be in a relationship. I quite like being single tbh 😂but finally at a stage where I think a relationship would be nice.

I think perhaps the real test will be his reaction when I bring it up, but just annoyed I won't get to do that in person now for another week 🙄

Is it a current directorship? As if it is, CH won’t be wrong, as of November 2025 all Company Director identities need to be electronically verified to passports.

If it is an old, terminated directorship then there is a chance it could be wrong as I’ve seen all sorts of incorrect details on CH.

54 isn't that far off 60!

[deleted]

Don't assume that just because it's an 'official' source that it's not them who made a mistake.

I see mistakes on land registry results ALL the time.

Until you've seen a drivers' licence or birth certificate, don't go in all guns blazing.

it's from 2021... and not current

So 'age is just a number'. But then you go on to make a generalisation about younger men, based on their age!

As I've always said 'age is just a number' only when the man in older.

Exactly, it says a lot about how they see women. I’m 41 and wouldn’t date a 55 year old.

You may feel like the prize young thing now OP, but what happens in a few years when perimenopause hits - do you think this guy will be someone to grow older with, or will he always be on the lookout for a younger model.

Obviously ‘younger’ is very important to him, to the extent that he is willing to lie to get it.

Agreed!

You are being naïve by wanting to give this guy a second chance and trying to defend his lies.

You see the red flags but are minimising/ignoring them. That is naïve.

Please stop flaunting your wanton recklessness. Don’t you know it’s a very unattractive look on Mumsnet 😉

Just because there's no wife in the house, doesn't mean there isn't one. I dated someone I met at work for nearly two years before he backed himself in to a corner and had to admit (a) that he was married and (b) they were still together.

He'd relocated for work, but she wouldn't move with him. He lied about her and he lied to me about his whereabouts when he was with her.

Sounds like he’s trying to match your “might want kids” by agreeing the same. If he wants to keep you he’s hardly going to tell you outright no, is he???

Same as a previous poster said, I’d be very surprised at a 54 year old man with older children maybe wanting more DC. Given your experiences with him so far, it’s probably just another lie. Once you’re firmly ensconced, and perhaps wanting to start a family down the line, he’ll say he’s changed his mind, and “might” will have turned into “not a chance”.

"Might want kids"?

Does he or doesn't he?

He's in his 50s and already has two teenaged children, from what you've said. Surely he should know whether or not he wants more children? The 'might' sounds like he's leaving it deliberately vague, but like others here I strongly suspect he does not in fact want more kids.

On a broader note, it's clear that you're going to stay with this guy despite all the red flags. Your choice.

As you're still not sure if you want to end things now, I think I'd say to him that you understand he's lied about something important to you, and say you are giving him the chance to explain now. Don't say it's the age issue - if he pushes on that ask how many things have you lied about that you don't know what I am referring to?

See if he comes clean or if he doubles down.
Might also indicate if he's lied about more than one thing!

Not an ideal way to approach a conversation but my worry would be if you make it too easy for him, and he is a lying manipulative sort, that he will smooth talk his way out of it.

Regarding you bring quick to dump in the past so questioning yourself now... is this reason similar to the reasons you've dumped in the past? Or was it more superficial stuff?

He really isn't married. If he is, he somehow knows a hell of a lot about divorce law, which would not be wise to try on with me, given it's my job. So far the only other thing that has bothered me is me picking up a strong desire to present himself in a certain way, and I'd rather he just relaxed. And didn't lie about his age 😅