Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

Some author.

@MissDoubleU A 17 year old..boy?

Well maybe he’ll hit the dentist before the weekend, you never know your luck.

Some anonymous commenter.

You can date him too, nobody’s stopping you

I'd write and say that you had a great time but you didn't fancy him or feel he was on your intellectual level.

Yes indeed you can, kitty cat. With your little puppy pup trotting around behind you making you feel uncomfortable when you had already ended the date.

The question wasn’t about changing your mind. It’s how quickly you’ve backtracked on all the degrading comments about this man as soon as he is now interested in you.

It is giving shallow with low confidence. I think some time away from the writing desk and out from the cradling arms of your editors will do you good. Perhaps date some other men too, who you don’t make you react with “dismay” (as you described) when they make an effort to keep the date going past one hour.

That you wanted another date with?

Yes. Unlike you I see beyond someone’s “flaws” as you call them

Are you on pot OP? You sound odd to say the least.

This happened to me once. I ghosted him right back, didn’t send a thing. A few weeks later he messaged me (drunk I think) asking to see me and saying he loved me! Unhinged. I was already dating someone else by then. Dignified silence is always best Op.

Maybe with your novels, have some more consistency with the character's emotions?

I don't think these U-turns are entirely convincing for the reader.

The rapid changes do keep the reader's interest for a while because of the 'loose cannon' aspect but at the same time these U-turns stretch credibility and sympathy.

She has her second date and he’s now become a man with a phd who definitely doesn’t make her feel sad for wanting their date to continue.

Like I say, I think our writer has proved herself to not be a reliable narrator.

Annie Wilkes

You didn't see beyond his flaws an hour or so ago.

Oh but she can change her mind apparently 😂 As an as he texts her back it would seem. So much for “I’m going to text and then block him.”

There should at least have been several ……before the word letdown. Would have been wittier 😁

What are his good points?
A PhD doesn't count. Sorry. People can spend years studying weird and wonderful topics.

He laughed a lot.
He followed you around Sainsburys.

Anything else?

Ah, I gave up reading the thread by the end of page 4. I hope her books are better.

I can totally see why he ghosted you.

I’m arriving probably too late in that conversation.

Byt WHY is sending a text (assuming you haven’t realised the guy contacted the OP on his own, just later than expected) needy?

If it was something like ‘we had such a good time. Wondering what’s going on?’ You might have a point.
But to tell him he is a coward for ghosting?
Fuck sorry we need MUCH MORE OF THIS. Of people who are immature, avoidant etc… to be pulled up on their behaviour. They’re not going to see that as ‘oh look, I got under skin’. They’re going to get ‘I’ve been pulled up,there’.
Tye whole stuff about not being needy or being the bigger person is just making shrinking yourself the only normal acceptable answer. And as it is, it’s not.

Sadly, there are women who will jump at /on any man who shows any interest in them even after they have convinced themselves that the man is pond-life.
It's called Desperation.

@WildflowerGardens good luck with your second date!!

Dignified silence

Not holding out hopes