Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

Genuine question: are you given a written transcript of your Ph.D viva?

You sound really weird love 🤷‍♀️

I don’t have a life to get on WITH

The poem is terrible, don’t send it, he’ll think you’re a crazy person.
He probably didn’t fancy you and doesn’t want to see you again.
Why waste this much time thinking about him?

NO!
And being needy is deeply unattractive, unless the other person has serious emotional issues.😀

Sorry, I was on your side until you showed your true colours. Why call someone weird that genuinely was just giving her view? There was nothing weird in her response. This comment from you too about his looks and your 'unwanted attention in the past' makes you sound a bit up yourself, which maybe he picked up on.
I don't think you should message - it will not change how he feels but in fact probably make him realise he did the right thing.

Team balding, short man with bad teeth!!

I know writers tend to have fragile egos but this is something else.

We laughed, we flirted, sparks took flight.
I floated home convinced we nailed that night.
Then silence fell… the man's gone missing,
no text, no call, not even reminiscing.

I checked my phone so much it sighed;
even my screen got tired and died.
And worst of all? I paid a fare
that cost a fortune just to get there:
ten minutes on a train so dear
I practically financed a new career.

So here I am, ghosted and broke,
but at least it makes a Mumsnet joke
next time I’ll date someone local,
or budget for the paranormal.

The bastard.

I have messaged after a first date to say I wasn’t feeling it (nicely) and been met with vile responses-so maybe that’s why some people just drift away rather than spelling it out. Being left hanging is horrible though

Hahahahahahaha

I really feel for you OP. In my dating days it was always the polite thing to message the day after to thank the person who took you out whether or not you felt a connection!

My now DH was quite daft when he was younger and didn't always reply back straight away. By the time he got to me, he had learned very well that playing it cool did not swing with a woman of quality. As, by the time he messaged back, the woman suddenly went from "I had a great time and enjoyed meeting you" to "sorry I'm quite busy, I'll let you know when I'm more free" and then never replied him again.

Some men are daft. Some learn well. My DH was very prompt messaging me.

When he messages, and I'm quite sure he will, then you either don't reply or do as above. But, quite frankly, I think you've dodged a man child. It is disheartening but they're not all like him. To use a terrible cliche, "he's just not that into you" and it's better you see that now than later.

Hugs!

This is absolutely nuts, Wild!! And it reveals that, despite what you say about his baldness and bad teeth, you really liked him and wanted it to go somewhere. that's OK, but at least be honest about it.

To accuse people on here to be trying to put you off him so that they can date him themselves is hilarious!! 😂

I agree but I also think not saying anything is better. It makes you look as indifferent as him. Sending something will probably just make him think he’s dodged a bullet, unfair I know but that’s how that weird world of dating in 2025 goes.

It’s just the state of online dating unfortunately. I had plenty of dates like this. Can make you think you’re going mad if you genuinely sensed chemistry and felt like everyone was having a nice time.

The best you can do is move on and not give them anymore headspace. Anything else you do will just have him label you in his head as “crazy/unhinged”. Women who call out men’s poor behaviour usually get labelled as either uptight or crazy.

A lot of people do meet and marry from online dating though so don’t give up!

So why on earth are you bothered that he hasn't messaged. You've been very degrading about him, so I assume you wouldn't want to see him again if you think all that. Or is it hurt pride speaking 🤔

I ran the gauntlet of online dating on and off for several years. I have been ghosted, had no shows (literally me sat a table on my own like a prize lemon checking my watch), abusive messages after sending a polite thanks but no thanks message. Sadly its all part of the dating landscape these days and you just have to chalk it up as experience as there is zero to he gained trying to understand some people's motives or behaviours.

You said in an earlier post that the date was ten minutes from where you live, I’d hardly call that travelling!

This will definitely work.

@WildflowerGardens No, I meant writing down the qualities you want in a person, e.g, a good communicator, sensitive, kind, etc. It helps you stay focused when tempted by shiny, exciting things, which could very well be an avoidant fucker person putting on their best performance with nothing of substance underneath.
This one’s best ignored. Also, you just don't know what's going on with him.

It's far more fun to forget about him and archive his chat - only for him to text you weeks, months or years later, and then reject him.

I was wondering this, ‘ghosting’ is spoken about as though it’s a new phenomena but in the past was probably the same but perhaps people just brushed it off more easily but these days with some much OLD and a greater frequency of dates arranged through it, it probably became more obvious and people are more connected to talk about it more widely.

I agree that I wouldn’t personally issue a ‘telling off’ text but if they got back in touch much later, I’d block then so they’d get a taste of their own medicine and it would be much more satisfying also!

I have sent him my poem and archived the chat on WhatsApp:

“We had a nice date on Saturday
We laughed a lot, had much to say
I hoped you’d text, even if you were blunt
You have not - turns out you’re a bit of a
letdown”

You're an author - that must have a few social perks. And you said that many men give you unwanted attention.

Contacting him will give him an ego boost. Just firmly decide he isn’t good enough for you …he isn’t 💐💐