Ghosted after a great first date. Best response?

[WildflowerGardens]

I had a first date with a man off hinge on Saturday afternoon - we had coffee and then walked round an illustration fair. The whole time we were laughing and talking animatedly and seemed to have a lot in common. At the end of the date he pulled me into a bear hug and said “see you again soon”.

I texted him that evening to say “Great to meet you, what a fun afternoon!” but he didn’t reply and it’s now Tuesday. I think I’ve been ghosted.

I feel like sending a final message, something like “Ghosting in your forties? I only date grown men: good luck with your ongoing search 👋 ” before blocking him but I’m not sure if I should do this.

My reasoning is that I think ghosting is crap behaviour and people who ghost should be called out on it.

Any advice very welcome.

Thrift is good. There is a lot of food waste in the UK as it is

Serious question, did you behave as annoying and childish on this date as you are coming across on here?

Why “serious question” - are you looking to date me or the man mentioned?

No don't send any message ... a guy I knew ghosted a girl he really liked and got on with he was just in that habit or scared I guess.
He contacted her months down the line and explained himself.
Don't take it personally x

Instead of the one word profanity, why not showcase your skills and text him a short poem?

I wouldn’t bother sending anything. It’s irritating sure however a message doesn’t suddenly make these people change, all it does is give them a little ego boost by knowing that people like them and sometimes that’s literally all they’re after.

I wouldn’t message again for two reasons: firstly (and least likely) he might have a genuine reason for not responding like he’s in hospital in a coma. Secondly, if the ball is in his court why go over and get it? Too much effort. I wouldn’t want someone who’s ghosted me to know it bothered me in the slightest.

We had a nice date on Saturday
We laughed a lot, had much to say
I hoped you’d text, even if you were blunt
You have not - it turns out you’re a massive letdown

You and @DeftWasp

Yeah I've already told you I've got my eyes on him.

Go out with him, you can read him my poem

”We had a nice date on Saturday
We laughed a lot, had much to say
I hoped you’d text, even if you were blunt
You have not - it turns out you’re a massive letdown”

Well I was expecting something different from let down . Blunt , c#nt 😂😂😂

Just leave it, don't come across needy. You had a good time, so did he by the sound of it - and it's only Tuesday.

He's not the only fish in the pond.

Maybe its me, but I don't think him not getting in touch between Saturday and Tuesday is so awful. What if he is having a busy life, lots of commitments or work over last few days? He may have really enjoyed the date (it sounds as though he did), but not want to rush things. In your shoes I think I would appreciate that rather than being "love bombed" by a needy man. Don't block him, as you won't know if/when he tries to contact. You will be able to respond as you feel appropriate then. But whatever you do, don't message him again unless you hear from him. That would come across as needy and pot-boily, and only confirm to him that he has made the right decision if in fact he has decided not to see you again. Give it more time - in the real world people don't necessarily communicate that fast.🌞

As another pp has said, before mobiles/internet comms, we had to be more patient and didn't get so angsty about it.

He's probably over on Mansnet, starting a thread that asks: "AIBU not to rush to send a message arranging another date with a really nice woman I dated on Saturday, in case she thinks I'm too needy?"

Oh god, did you recite poetry at him on the date?
No wonder he ghosted you.

Perfect, I'd send this

But I AM needy and I don’t have a life.

Can I send him my poem:

“We had a nice date on Saturday
We laughed a lot, had much to say
I hoped you’d text, even if you were blunt
You have not - turns out you’re a bit of a letdown”

No but he read from his viva voce (he had a phd)

Thanks so much - always helps to run things past people before sending

You're welcome, I hooked my partner in with a limerick and a tap dance.

OMG leave it, please. I disagree that all ghosting should be confronted. It doesn't. The best response is none at all. You might feel good for about a minute, he still won't reply, and then you'll feel angry and rejected on top of your current disappointment.

Please take it from someone who used to endlessly chase men who ghosted me, over many years - do not do this. You will feel 100 times worse.

Dating is such a minefield. Im out of it now but when i was in it, i used the following rules/boundaries. Not saying these are the right ones - they just kept me sane

1). It may not be ghosting until 1 week has passed without contact. Thereafter it 100% is.

2). After 1 date, ghosting is acceptable (not courteous or optimal - but tolerable)

3). After 3+ dates, ghosting is morally unacceptable - and you can tell them that (calmly).

4). Men NEVER fully ghost. They always come back and always when you least want them. So be prepared.

OP - i like your poem. Its light-hearted and witty. If you wanted to text him, this is better than any recriminations as it’ll throw him and it makes it hard for him to respond except in verse

🤣🤣🤣 really?
I think I've fallen in love with him

Well Saturday night to Tuesday morning is less than 3 days! He may be busy with work ,would like to take it a bit steadily is all.I think messaging him is a bit full on TBH. Maybe just leave it for a week or two,Get on with writing /life whatever and see what happens?