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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Christmas work do strop

297 replies

Bradley28 · 07/12/2025 12:24

It was my partners Christmas work do last night. When he got back, he was really drunk. For reasons I don’t understand, he stripped off all his clothes and began behaving in a lewd and inappropriate way. I was stone cold sober and asked him to put some clothes back on because he was making me feel uncomfortable. he threw a massive strop and said I must hate him and find him disgusting, that I’m uptight for not taking advantage of the situation (!). These strops are common for him and can last 24 hours or more. I’d had a hard week of helping him sort a new job and had been looking forward to seeing him when he got in. I didn’t have the patience to deal with his drama, and tapped his face to try to shake him out of it. He then slapped me, threatened to hit me with a bottle of wine and then locked me outside the house (it was cold, I had no shoes, no phone and my kids were asleep in the house). After I was allowed back in, he walked off (well staggered) down the road- which is a dark, country road. Last I’ve seen of him. I received a string of abusive texts at 4am about how awful I am, and since then he has blocked me on all platforms (the blocking is standard strop behaviour for him). Have no idea where he is today. This all feels really full on.
Dunno what I’m looking for here, just needed to put this into words I think.

OP posts:
GildedPaulieWalnuts · 07/12/2025 15:08

Naunet · 07/12/2025 14:57

What should women do when a drunk man tries to force unwanted sex on them?

Exactly.

Not all women fawn.

GildedPaulieWalnuts · 07/12/2025 15:09

WearyAuldWumman · 07/12/2025 15:08

Drunken naked man makes advances when woman doesn't want sex?

Sounds like the OP was defending herself from sexual assault.

👏👏

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 07/12/2025 15:10

LVhandbagsatdawn · 07/12/2025 14:43

You hit him first, which is unacceptable.

His drunken behaviour is unacceptable.

End the relationship and seek help.

Did you miss the bit where he was trying to coerce her into sex against her will?!

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/12/2025 15:11

He's now your ex and he doesn't get back in to your house. Change the locks, just to be sure. It's a pretty straightforward job, a new barrel isn't expensive and it's a DIY job.

www.diy.com/departments/hardware/locks-padlocks/door-locks-latches/cylinder-locks/DIY580693.cat

Elsvieta · 07/12/2025 15:12

Don't know what you're looking for? You're looking for new locks on your doors, I'd say.

WearyAuldWumman · 07/12/2025 15:12

JLou08 · 07/12/2025 13:36

"tapped his face to try to shake him out of it".

You hit him and are trying to minimise it. He hit you back. You're both awful. You need to end the relationship and do some work around healthy relationships and controlling your tempers.

How would you deal with a drunken naked man making sexual advances? Laugh it off? Acquiesce?

FateAmenableToChange · 07/12/2025 15:13

Report the assault to the police. Get him out of your life.

GildedPaulieWalnuts · 07/12/2025 15:14

WearyAuldWumman · 07/12/2025 15:12

How would you deal with a drunken naked man making sexual advances? Laugh it off? Acquiesce?

It’s like being in a parallel universe with some of these posters, isn’t it?

WearyAuldWumman · 07/12/2025 15:15

Monty34 · 07/12/2025 13:54

Please never slap anyone again.

This wasn't 'anyone'. This was a naked drunk trying to have sex when the OP didn't want it - attempted sexual assault.

Donttellempike · 07/12/2025 15:15

rainbowstardrops · 07/12/2025 12:47

You own your own home and he locked you out of it? Yeah, chuck the loser out and put yourself and your children first.
Who gives a shit where he’s gone today? He’s blocked you, so fuck him.

This , with bells on

Donttellempike · 07/12/2025 15:16

FreeRider · 07/12/2025 13:05

When you have got to the point of physical violence with each other, it's over.

Get his stuff together, put it outside and change the locks. Send him a message saying where his stuff is and if he contacts you again you will be reporting his assault to the Police.

Each other? Victim blaming much

Donttellempike · 07/12/2025 15:22

JLou08 · 07/12/2025 13:36

"tapped his face to try to shake him out of it".

You hit him and are trying to minimise it. He hit you back. You're both awful. You need to end the relationship and do some work around healthy relationships and controlling your tempers.

DFOD

TwistedWonder · 07/12/2025 15:23

Do not let your children grow up on a home where their mother is a victim of domestic and sexual assault but some cunt who isn’t their father.

There's absolutely no way he should spend one more night under your roof.

Protect yourself and your children

usedtobeaylis · 07/12/2025 15:25

Don't waste any more time on him. Don't expose your children to him. Fuck that.

JustSawJohnny · 07/12/2025 15:27

Bradley28 · 07/12/2025 12:50

I find it really hard when he blames me for his behaviour as well. Now I’ve written it all down, I really don’t know why I’ve put up with it. I guess perhaps because he can be really lovely.

This is clearly not the first time he's behaved like this so I guess it's time to decide whether the fact that he 'can be lovely' is worth putting up with shit like this in your own home.

Donttellempike · 07/12/2025 15:29

The number of twats on here trying to blame the OP. Just sod off back to 1971 . The lot of you

liamharha · 07/12/2025 15:29

Upthenorth · 07/12/2025 12:36

Leave him OP, he’s an abusive arsehole.

This is not normal behaviour by any stretch, it just sounds like you have got used to it.

He slapped you, that’s assault and a police matter to me but I appreciate it’s up to you how you deal with it.

He wanted sex by the sounds of it and became physically aggressive when you declined? It sounds like it’s already escalating.

I would be planning how to leave him.

After she 'tapped' him .
No excuse but I do think op might be minimising her own input here .

Donttellempike · 07/12/2025 15:31

liamharha · 07/12/2025 15:29

After she 'tapped' him .
No excuse but I do think op might be minimising her own input here .

How very dare she resist being sexually assaulted by a naked drunk.

She should have tickled him with feathers obviously

EdithStourton · 07/12/2025 15:31

Bradley28 · 07/12/2025 12:50

I find it really hard when he blames me for his behaviour as well. Now I’ve written it all down, I really don’t know why I’ve put up with it. I guess perhaps because he can be really lovely.

'Can be lovely' is no reason to hang about, not when 'can be an aggressive, controlling dickhead' is also part of the package.

Bag up his stuff, and call a locksmith.

MummaMummaMumma · 07/12/2025 15:34

Lock him out. Get the locks changed.
That would be the end for me. No excuses.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 07/12/2025 15:35

ChaToilLeam · 07/12/2025 12:54

He's a dickhead, be rid of him! Lovely men don't hit women and lock them out of their homes. Lovely men don't have tantrums and send abusive messages. He put you and your children in danger. He's not lovely at all.

I agree with you ChaToilLeam. However, I don't think it is right for us all to ignore the fact that the OP - @Bradley28 - was actually the first one to use violence on this occassion, especially as we have no idea what the 'tap' she gave him actually looked like to her partner?

If he was describing his side of the argument, he might also describe himself hitting her "as just a couple of taps". Living up to my name on here, I shall go on to say, that he might have felt very vulnerable considering he was naked, or just wearing a small amount of clothe at that time. He could maybe argue that he locked her out of the house for a short period of time, while he was trying to sober himself up quickly, so that he could feel safer!

Of course, in reality, it is probably much more likely that he is the abusive one in that relationship, or, at the very least, the most potentially dangerous one. Therefore, I think that from the picture we have been shown here, their relationship is just not worth trying to save. I do hope though, that the OPs DC are not also her partners DC, as that would add quite a bit of mud to the quickly flowing water. A clean, and permanent end, to their relationship, seems to me to be the best solution.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 07/12/2025 15:37

Crimes, get rid. You are worth better.

LlynTegid · 07/12/2025 15:38

It's not the Christmas do, it's a well established pattern. Hope you can find a way out soon.

Donttellempike · 07/12/2025 15:38

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 07/12/2025 15:35

I agree with you ChaToilLeam. However, I don't think it is right for us all to ignore the fact that the OP - @Bradley28 - was actually the first one to use violence on this occassion, especially as we have no idea what the 'tap' she gave him actually looked like to her partner?

If he was describing his side of the argument, he might also describe himself hitting her "as just a couple of taps". Living up to my name on here, I shall go on to say, that he might have felt very vulnerable considering he was naked, or just wearing a small amount of clothe at that time. He could maybe argue that he locked her out of the house for a short period of time, while he was trying to sober himself up quickly, so that he could feel safer!

Of course, in reality, it is probably much more likely that he is the abusive one in that relationship, or, at the very least, the most potentially dangerous one. Therefore, I think that from the picture we have been shown here, their relationship is just not worth trying to save. I do hope though, that the OPs DC are not also her partners DC, as that would add quite a bit of mud to the quickly flowing water. A clean, and permanent end, to their relationship, seems to me to be the best solution.

In a galaxy far away this bollocks is not complete and utter victim blaming tripe.

Meanwhile, in. this one. It is offensive misogynistic drek

MummyJ36 · 07/12/2025 15:39

Were/are the kids in the house!?

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