Still not having sex with DH, what to do?

[sadeyess]

I posted another thread a while ago but thought I might more responses on a new thread.

DH and I haven’t had sex since January (I was 4/5 months pregnant). Our baby is now 5 months and sleeps well. I have done everything night related with db, dh hardly lost any sleep. Just adding that in case tiredness is brought up- it isn’t an issue for dh. I have told dh about 6 times now, although three times were very recent, how this is affecting me and making me feel. At first (seven months ago) he said he’d go to the doctor and try to get something to help etc. Unsurprisingly he hasn’t. I’ve attempted to initiate things and he’s been very happy to receive oral but not touch me or be intimate with me. I’m at my wits end, the last two days I’ve been noticeably been very down/depressed and he asked me today why; I told him and now he’s in a mood with me. He’s not attempting to resolve this and is very happy for me to pleasure him but not vice versa. What do I do? I fear for our relationship if this continues for much longer. What did people in this situation do and how did it end up? Thank you so much to any replies.

What has your sex life been like in the past?

You said he got in a mood but what did he actually say?

Have you asked him why he doesn't want sex? What will you do if nothing changes?

Have you asked your husband why he's reluctant to touch you, and doesn't seem to be interested in having sex with you? He's clearly happy to receive oral, but isn't interested in you at all. There must be a reason. If he's received oral from you, then I guess he's doesn't have an issue maintaing an erection? How was your sex life prior to having your son? Did you have a good pregnancy and normal birth? There was nothing traumatic? After you told him the reason why you're upset, what did he say?

Prior to pregnancy, it was weekly, sometimes more than once but mainly 1-2 times a week.

Is this your first child? Has he struggled with it now he sees you as a mother?

Stop pleasuring him. Absolutely stop. The unbalance there is staggering and affects you both in a damaging way. It teaches him that he doesn't need to think about anyone but himself (if he was thinking of you he would go see the Dr, no matter how embarrassing it is) and it teaches you that you are capable of putting up with crap treatment. If you keep taking care of him, he won't be motivated to get help. I mean, if all he has to do is lie there and be satisfied, why would he change that?

I think he needs a therapist, rather than a GP. It sounds like a psychological issue rather than a physical one. Basically I think he’s got a Madonna-Whore Complex.

@Nickyknackeredno, not my first child but first with dh who has another Dc from previous relationship.

@CeleryStickeryou're right but I just thought it might reignite that spark.

That’s what I’m really worried about @BauhausOfEliottbut this Dc isn’t my first or his.

@Sassylovesbooksnot quite like that; before, he said he doesn’t have the drive. But that was before the recent activities. No issue re erection. It was good, weekly. Pregnancy and birth were fine. He only said sorry.

Why did he split up with the mother of his older child?

He doesn't need to see a gp, his sexual function is fine. He just doesn't want to have sex with his wife/partner.

If he's willing to explore the reasons why and get some psychological help you could probably sort it out. But if he won't, or if he knows the reason but wont discuss it, its hard to see this having a resolution.

He gets in a mood to train OP not to raise problems with him.

@HellonHeelsshe left him for her affair partner.

This is just making me sad.

Tell him to lay off masturbating a bit

Sounds like she needed to find it elsewhere too eventually.

What is the rest of your relationship like? Is it physically affectionate?
What reasons does he provide when you ask him about the lack of sex?

@Itwasachristmasjoketbh I don’t know when he’d be doing that, he claims not. He’s never in bedroom during the day and I always go to bed first since baby was born. I’d wake if he did.

@NickyknackeredI don’t condone cheating regardless.

@Rattaionly when I initiate, I has to go to him and hug/kiss him to get one.

Who is asking you to? You've come here for advice. Past behaviour is the strongest indicator to future behaviour.

Sorry if you're feeling defensive about that.

You need to sit down together when you won't be disturbed and talk about it properly. Don't be fobbed off with vague statements that he doesn't know / is sorry/ will see a doctor because he DOES know, he just doesn't want to say.

You need to consider your own boundaries here and hold them. If one is that he must see a doctor, get commitment he'll call the next day and then follow through with your boundary if he backs out. If you don't and he sees you as a pushover, you'll be in the same situation months from now.

Best of luck.

How was your birth? I had a touch and go delivery with one of mine and my partner was really knocked by it. He was convinced I was glass post partum and if someone walked too close to me he would shoulder barge them out of the way.

What's your financial situation like?

Get divorced unless you want to spend decades feeling like this.

I think he is struggling with the change in you as a mother rather than just his wife. A lot of men seem to struggle with this change. They aren't number one anymore.