Page 24 | I found this in my bed.

Bugsandbeds · 2025-11-21T19:52:24+00:00

I found this in my bed. It was under the duvet cover on my side when I got home from work this other day. I'm married. Husband works from home. I know what I think it is but I just can't believe it. Could it be something other than a condom wrapper? I've convinced myself it's off something else, some sort of other packet.

cosmicbabe · 25/11/2025 12:52

Sex worker? If you are jot going to ask him or look through his phone I’m not sure what other advice you are looking for at this point 🤷🏻‍♀️
But grim but did you look through your bum bags and look for the used Condom?…

DBSFstupid · 25/11/2025 14:10

Wouldwoodknot · 25/11/2025 11:41

If your initial post was a more general reaction to having emotionally invested in threads when the OP never returns, hijacking one started by somebody who posted for support, and using her to demonstrate what you consider to be rude, is very unpleasant. You could have started your own thread if you wanted to vent, rather than taking your frustration out on someone who’s going through a hard time.

As you’re so sensitive to perceived discourtesy that you’ll not only call somebody “rude” for not updating her thread within three days, but also repeatedly engage in heated arguments with posters who disagree with you doing this…to use your own words: ”you need to learn how to handle opinions you don’t agree with”. If this is upsetting for you, MN might not be the place for you.

OP, if you read this - it would be great to hear how you’re doing, but most people completely understand that continuing a conversation with strangers won’t be a priority if other things are happening in your life. You’re in no way obliged to update, and I hope you’re doing okay.

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I didn't say I had personally invested in threads, I spoke generally and was actually alluding to threads over a long period of time. A few months ago a couple of helpful posters were really worried about the OP and had no idea if she was actually ok or not. And yes, some people do invest in the threads because they are recounting things from their own personal experience which can sometimes be painful.
Anyway I would suggest it is you and a few others that are 'derailing' the thread. I have absolutely no interest in doing that but I won't ignore attacks and name calling from other posters which are off the mark and rude so that is why I 'engaged'. The posts were directed to me. I replied to those posts. And yours. C

3luckystars · 25/11/2025 23:29

cosmicbabe · 25/11/2025 12:52

Sex worker? If you are jot going to ask him or look through his phone I’m not sure what other advice you are looking for at this point 🤷🏻‍♀️
But grim but did you look through your bum bags and look for the used Condom?…

Bum Bags 😂😂

I am sorry for laughing, but that really made me laugh so much 😂

cosmicbabe · 26/11/2025 07:13

3luckystars · 25/11/2025 23:29

Bum Bags 😂😂

I am sorry for laughing, but that really made me laugh so much 😂

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Ahhh I meant Bin Bags 😂😂😂😂

3luckystars · 26/11/2025 07:58

I know you did!😂 Thanks so much for the laugh last night 😂

ahoyshipmate · 26/11/2025 18:26

Poor Op. Dreadful discovery.

MySilentLions · 27/11/2025 10:36

Mildorado · 22/11/2025 16:42

He'll give something away. He'll know he's been found out.
It'll start the ball rolling.

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You really under estimate the lying capacities of cheaters. If he’s having an affair, he will already be comfortable with lying to his wife. And will have thought about what to say if confronted. He will likely be prepared and the excuses will roll off his tongue with ease.

Some of them could convince you that the sky is green. And you’re the mad one for not believing them.

MySilentLions · 27/11/2025 10:55

TaffetaPhrases · 23/11/2025 05:10

It’s a sex worker - if he’s has the snip as you say he’s got no other reason to wear a condom.

so you do need to go through his phone OP

Maybe if there’s an affair partner, she has asked him to use condoms? To prevent STD’s or maybe if it’s casual she doesn’t trust the vasectomy story.

MySilentLions · 27/11/2025 10:59

ThisTaupeZebra · 23/11/2025 12:11

But this is just plain weird. Why would you use condoms when visiting friends, when you don't normally, if you were embarrassed about throwing them away?

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Obviously to stop stains on sheets!

MySilentLions · 27/11/2025 11:17

Mothership4two · 25/11/2025 06:17

@DBSFstupid sometimes it is irritating when you get invested in a thread and the OP disappears forever or for ages, but this one is too soon and too raw to be asking for updates (and insinuating that she is rude) IMO.

Agree. The poor OP needs to absorb everything and have a long think about what to do.

MySilentLions · 27/11/2025 11:20

Wouldwoodknot · 25/11/2025 11:41

If your initial post was a more general reaction to having emotionally invested in threads when the OP never returns, hijacking one started by somebody who posted for support, and using her to demonstrate what you consider to be rude, is very unpleasant. You could have started your own thread if you wanted to vent, rather than taking your frustration out on someone who’s going through a hard time.

As you’re so sensitive to perceived discourtesy that you’ll not only call somebody “rude” for not updating her thread within three days, but also repeatedly engage in heated arguments with posters who disagree with you doing this…to use your own words: ”you need to learn how to handle opinions you don’t agree with”. If this is upsetting for you, MN might not be the place for you.

OP, if you read this - it would be great to hear how you’re doing, but most people completely understand that continuing a conversation with strangers won’t be a priority if other things are happening in your life. You’re in no way obliged to update, and I hope you’re doing okay.

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Absolutely. That poster was unpleasant and all the “you’ve misunderstood me” back-pedalling won’t change that.

cosmicbabe · 27/11/2025 11:54

Any update?

MyCatLovesCardboard · 27/11/2025 12:01

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BatshitOutofHell · 27/11/2025 12:31

Calliopespa · 23/11/2025 12:47

A lot of MN take the view that it is better to know the partner is having an affair without him knowing you know. That enables people to sort financials etc with the cheating partner still unsuspecting.

I see the logic - though I do sometimes wonder how many ducks have been lined in rows as a response to perfectly explicable scenarios.

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If you have lined up your ducks and all is actually well, nothing is lost, but you have a much clearer idea of where you stand financially - which is always a good thing. Win-win.

Calliopespa · 27/11/2025 22:08

BatshitOutofHell · 27/11/2025 12:31

If you have lined up your ducks and all is actually well, nothing is lost, but you have a much clearer idea of where you stand financially - which is always a good thing. Win-win.

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Yes there's not harm in that. It wasn't really a full on criticism, but what I really meant is there must be some cases where things gather momentum and the issue is never talked though when there might have been an explanation or misunderstanding.

But I agree it is better not to fire the leaving you gun before you have sorted out the implications.

incognitomummy · 27/11/2025 23:19

OP - what happened next?

notatinydancer · 28/11/2025 20:39

@Bugsandbedsdid you ask him ?

notimeforregrets · 28/11/2025 21:09

JudgeBread · 21/11/2025 19:58

Do any actual real men do this? Because I only ever hear it on here and the only thing I ever hear from men is that condoms feel worse so I don't know that this isn't just a myth perpetuated by people desperate to believe their husband isn't shagging the maid/nanny/postman despite all evidence to the contrary

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I knew one 25 years ago who did that (we were in our 20s)

Original poster

Bugsandbeds · 29/11/2025 17:07

He was away when I posted the first post.

We've been talking about marriage therapy for a while but not done it but he brought it up on Monday afternoon when we were out....I wasn't going to ask him about the wrapper but did at that point. Shocked reaction from him, he asked to see it, claimed to have no knowledge of it. Then he didn't mention it again or ask to see it when we got home.

The running club woman....well I don't know really. Still talks about her by name but referred to her today as his friend. She's moved out of her martial home and he did a whip round at the running club to give her some money to help her with some basic house stuff ("because her partner isn't letting her have any furniture"). I hope that's not too outing but WTF?!

I'll give the therapy a go, I have to really to know for sure if things can work out.

I don't have any definite proof of an affair whatsoever. I did go through WhatsApp and FB messages on his laptop (not phone), convo between them both but nothing proving affair...but flirty maybe but nothing arranging meeting up etc. I'm not saying these things to try and convince myself otherwise, it's just a statement of fact that I don't have actual proof...apart from the wrapper but he denied any knowledge and said it must have been old and fallen out of a bag or something from when we did use them (over 3 years ago!).

Been a whirlwind of a week but wanted to post an update.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bugsandbeds · 29/11/2025 17:10

By saying the above I don't mean I believe him.

OP posts:

IberianBlackout · 29/11/2025 17:25

Check the notes app and his screen time too.

Missj25 · 29/11/2025 21:08

Bugsandbeds · 29/11/2025 17:07

He was away when I posted the first post.

We've been talking about marriage therapy for a while but not done it but he brought it up on Monday afternoon when we were out....I wasn't going to ask him about the wrapper but did at that point. Shocked reaction from him, he asked to see it, claimed to have no knowledge of it. Then he didn't mention it again or ask to see it when we got home.

The running club woman....well I don't know really. Still talks about her by name but referred to her today as his friend. She's moved out of her martial home and he did a whip round at the running club to give her some money to help her with some basic house stuff ("because her partner isn't letting her have any furniture"). I hope that's not too outing but WTF?!

I'll give the therapy a go, I have to really to know for sure if things can work out.

I don't have any definite proof of an affair whatsoever. I did go through WhatsApp and FB messages on his laptop (not phone), convo between them both but nothing proving affair...but flirty maybe but nothing arranging meeting up etc. I'm not saying these things to try and convince myself otherwise, it's just a statement of fact that I don't have actual proof...apart from the wrapper but he denied any knowledge and said it must have been old and fallen out of a bag or something from when we did use them (over 3 years ago!).

Been a whirlwind of a week but wanted to post an update.

Edited

He went & gave her money !
That’s kinda odd to be fair .
I mean would she not get from family or a close friend that she would know better than your husband .
Don’t like the sounds of that being honest .
The condom wrapper, suggesting it could have fallen out of something from 3 years ago , like come on please !!!
The fact he didn’t mention anything about it when ye got back to house , shows he didn’t wish to discuss it any further, don’t know OP , things are looking suss to me now alright , & I was one of the posters who previously was not jumping to affair at all , but putting forward completely different reasons as to why wrapper was there ..
Still though , one question.
How sexually open are ye with one another
Would he admit to having some me time to you ??

Crikeyalmighty · 29/11/2025 23:37

@Bugsandbeds I’m going to be honest with you - I confronted my H about something years ago ( founda couple of rather random newsletters from a quite obscure dating site about 10 years before) it was when he asked me to search for something else and these showed in the search - were to his email address and not using his name but were a bit ‘dear member’ anyway I brought it up and he was a bit shocked but didn’t ask to see what I had found and very much wanted to brush it off rather than ‘show me ‘ etc - im always suspicious in guys who want to ‘brush off ‘ something that anyone would find disconcerting rather than bring it up and get to bottom of it - I would really keep your wits about you - I suspect all is not quite as it seems -

Pearlmaster500 · 29/11/2025 23:44

Bugsandbeds · 29/11/2025 17:07

He was away when I posted the first post.

We've been talking about marriage therapy for a while but not done it but he brought it up on Monday afternoon when we were out....I wasn't going to ask him about the wrapper but did at that point. Shocked reaction from him, he asked to see it, claimed to have no knowledge of it. Then he didn't mention it again or ask to see it when we got home.

The running club woman....well I don't know really. Still talks about her by name but referred to her today as his friend. She's moved out of her martial home and he did a whip round at the running club to give her some money to help her with some basic house stuff ("because her partner isn't letting her have any furniture"). I hope that's not too outing but WTF?!

I'll give the therapy a go, I have to really to know for sure if things can work out.

I don't have any definite proof of an affair whatsoever. I did go through WhatsApp and FB messages on his laptop (not phone), convo between them both but nothing proving affair...but flirty maybe but nothing arranging meeting up etc. I'm not saying these things to try and convince myself otherwise, it's just a statement of fact that I don't have actual proof...apart from the wrapper but he denied any knowledge and said it must have been old and fallen out of a bag or something from when we did use them (over 3 years ago!).

Been a whirlwind of a week but wanted to post an update.

Edited

Giving her money?! What the fuck! Has she not got friends or family of her own that she can go to for those types of things? Why is he so keen on helping her. Honestly you need to put a stop to that shit now that just would not sit right with me at all it’s a bit WTF.

The wrapper aswell…. Would he have used an old travel bag recently? Under the covers? I dunno 😩

Then not mentioning it again? Weird

mumtoone2025 · 30/11/2025 00:21

OP this is 100% what you think it is I’m afraid. A friend had this. It actually turned out to be a lady of the night! (Or day I guess) If you know what I mean. So if you’re thinking he’s being considerate it could have been he was made to wear it. Not he chose to wear it. He works from home right? Have read as much as I can but not all.
are you happy to stay with this man if he’s cheated sexually? Even if you can’t prove it. Condom reminance don’t just appear 3yrs later after you’ve last used them together..
Men will lie and lie it’s in their DNA (maybe I’m a pessimist). The truth has to be stone cold hard there to prove it until very few with admit when they have no lie or way out of un acknowledging the truth.

like others have said if your choosing to not thing of it what it clearly highly likely is, then atleast for your own sake and that of your children. Start to keep an eagle eye on all your finances, his, anything that may be useful ‘if’ later down the line knowing he’s got away with some antics already, it turns into something more that inevitably breaks your marriage whether you choose to workaround it, put it to the back of your mind. Ignore the signs. Because if you ever part ways you’ll need all the nitty gritty evidence to make sure you’re not fooled out of your share of things and that of your children’s and their future financial stability. As someone who’s seen first hand the way a partner can turn when things go sour and it comes down to parting and money. Loyalty goes out the window. Someone who’s already doing things outside of your moral agreement as a couple (which I believe means your intimate with only each other in your situation) will be very willing to also breach your trust in pulling the rug from underneath you financially.
sorry to sound harsh. But like another or two suggested I would get a hidden camera to see what he gets up to while you’re at work. If I found something like that I would have no qualms to do that and get my financial position lined up ‘just incase’ espesially with kids involved.

the running ‘friend’ chat, just a huge red flag.

there’s a lot of huge red flags to be honest

its whether you want to ignore them to your detriment or atleast protect yourself ‘incase’ the obvious is quite clearly happening