I found this in my bed.

[Bugsandbeds]

I found this in my bed. It was under the duvet cover on my side when I got home from work this other day. I'm married. Husband works from home.

I know what I think it is but I just can't believe it.

Could it be something other than a condom wrapper? I've convinced myself it's off something else, some sort of other packet.

If it was me, I would just show the wrapper , say where I found it and ask him what he was doing that day

The whole idea of posh wank is a misnomer though - men won't even put a condom on when they have sex a lot of the time because it "makes it less sensitive" so why suddenly are they opting to do this to save the covers and how is it "posh"? Not like most men do the washing or are worried about things being clean most of the time either!

A friend was in a similar situation. Setting up a camera was a big no, so she placed a small digital voice recorder up near the bed.

He was caught in the act. Several times. She was gutted, obviously, but it was the proof needed for her to divorce.

When the dust had settled, the divorce finalised and she felt able, a group of us went out for drinks. It was 50/50 between six of us if we'd do the same. Some said yes, some no. But if you decide to do this make sure you can live with it.

Listening to someone you love having sex with another person is brutal.

The wrapper being there doesn't mean it was unwrapped in the bed? Is that your point? Even if it WAS unwrapped elsewhere, it can only belong to her husband (we've determined it's not the OP's condom wrapper, and they're the only two who - are supposed to - use the bed!).

@Bugsandbeds yes it’s a condom wrapper and yes if you and him haven’t used condoms in years then it’s likely he’s had someone in your bed. You would be very surprised how common this is, for it to happen in the marital bed! Also, as for a posh wank, I’ve never known this to be a thing in real life, only on mumsnet! Men always say they don’t like wearing condoms so why would they chose to wear one on their own? I know in these scenarios we tend to look at all the different possibilities but if I’ve learnt anything in life it’s that the most likely scenario is usually the correct one. If I found a condom wrapper in my bed, when me and my partner didn’t ever use them, then I would 100% think he’s had a woman in my bed.

Having flings is about deceit and using other people. No decent human being wants that. . Dont minimise it. If it's so ok, then why do people keep their mouths shut about it. Nobody would tolerate it if they found out a partner had secretly helped themself to a big chunk of your bank account, or sat around on their arse while you did all the work .....and that is effectively what an affair is.......someone taking advantage and abusing your time, your money, your energy....so why would you dismiss that as just one ofvthose things lots of people do in acrelationship. Dont be so fucking daft..

In defence of the posh wank I use a condom to try and get used to wearing one. Usually putting one on causes me to lose my erection.

Oh you innocent lamb. Sometimes they are very good at lying … it comes with practise.

Agree..That poster ia a complete wanker. 90% what a load of shite.

Why assume it's another woman? Maybe it's an affair with a man.

No they don't that is absolutely absurb why would they do that?

Helpful 😴.I'd plump for it being a sex worker. Think about it logically. Even a SW wouldn't want to be part of that scenario (unless lied to.) I find it hard to believe an AP and if it were I'd find her and scalp the hateful bastard. (Pardon my French.) Either way mate, he's cooked his goose. It's exhausting and painful. You will look back in time and feel relieved.

It's a condom wrapper. Becoming fitter and more attractive is a huge red flag, the running club might be real but it also could be an excuse (my ex had an affair and invented a weekly club that he was going to). I would be ringing the club to find out how often they meet.

Sorry OP, you need to be gathering evidence, get access to his phone if you can.

@Bugsandbeds how are you doing? Did you manage to get through weekend? I know all these messages are really overwhelming and I think it’s case of letting what you found sink in as well as just be vigilant.

I haven’t read all the comments so sorry if I’m repeating what someone else said but I still think it’s worth and SDI test ( condom or no condom as some men used these when the are close to climax so you may be at risk) .

I would just show him and ask him if he fancies explaining this.

Also, you have a 12 year old, are they curious, you never know

Why is it unhelpful? Surely it's a possibility for consideration. A bloke visiting the house during the day would be less noticeable to neighbours than a woman when he's home alone. It could also be an explanation for condoms. Would give the husband reason to be "nicer" to the OP. Would explain "problems" with sex over the years that he blamed her for. My comment wasn't meant to be anything other than another scenario to consider. Unless of course you're suggesting that that never happens and is a ridiculous notion!!!

Agree. So many people diminish infidelity as a minor transgression, either because they're cheaters themselves or because it hasn't happened to them yet. In fact, cheating is every type of domestic abuse you can think of. It is:

• emotional abuse: cheated people class being cheated on the most painful and traumatizing thing that ever happened to them, it's agonizing and soul destroying
• mental abuse: many women feel a latent sense of unease long before they find out their spouse is cheating, they clock the lies subconsciously, they query the cheater and are fed a pack of lies and are gaslit to kingdom come, and they feel anxious and confused, sometimes for years
• physical abuse: the cheater can pass on deadly STDs. They also often pass on vaginal flora from OWs that can cause distressing chronic or repeated bouts of UTIs and bacterial vaginoses; many women say how these problems disappeared when they ditched the cheater. The unease that cheated women feel can also lead to significant chronic health problems that doctors cannot find a reason for, like headaches, gut troubles, neck pain - all of which disappear when they get rid of the cheater.
• financial abuse: lot of cheaters spend family money on OWs and prostitutes
• sexual abuse: the wife would likely NOT agree to sex with the cheater if they knew he was fucking around, so the right to consent has been stripped from her
• a form of reproductive abuse, because chlamydia and bacterial vaginosis can cause female sterility
• And it is potential child abuse, because cheaters can pass on disease to their pregnant wife that could threaten the baby's health and even life.

OP you've been given heaps of advice on here.
Aren't you going to come back to your thread?
( I know you're not obligated to, I just find it quite rude generally when OP's ask for advice and don't have the common courtesy to acknowledge that feedback.)

That’s true and it’s a bit unusual but not something that you’d necessarily keep secret from your partner

The picture does not clearly show what it is. You can scan it using Google Lens.

Surely just a tissue to clean up, unless you're own squirt horrifies.

For goodness sake, her life is possibly falling apart, and you're getting entitled about updates?

I'm so sorry, OP. My marriage ended through cheating ex and it was extremely painful. Would this be a marriage-ender for you? If you're sure it is, then I agree with others - do not let on that you know, see a solicitor, get copies of all financial information. He will gaslight you and try to pretend he has your interests at heart. He hasn't. Protect your future and your kids' futures.

I haven't asked for 'updates' have I? So get your facts correct before getting stuck in.
I think generally if your life is falling apart and you come on MN looking for advice from complete strangers and people take time to post and try to help then that could be acknowledged.
I couldn't give a toss about your 'opinion'.😁

Agree with all of this.

And yet, there are marriages which recover from affairs, with some saying they are stronger than ever afterwards. I suppose this can be because the discovery of an affair forces truly open communication. What a way to get there, though. 😟

Some people might decide they don't want to throw everything away over a fling or a one-night stand, and that's OK.

Personally, I think the high divorce rate shows that marriage just doesn't work for human beings.

I highly doubt that the DH used a sex worker. They mostly don't use condoms so they can get business and charge more, and choose to get tested regularly instead. Probably they're on PreP. And I doubt they would put themselves in such a situation as going to the house.