I found this in my bed.

[Bugsandbeds]

I found this in my bed. It was under the duvet cover on my side when I got home from work this other day. I'm married. Husband works from home.

I know what I think it is but I just can't believe it.

Could it be something other than a condom wrapper? I've convinced myself it's off something else, some sort of other packet.

I agree with you. If someonw is cheating, they are taking the piss and using you, so the logical thing to do is fight fire with fire. Many ppl dont know their partner. I knew a man for 40 years who id gone out with briefly qhwn young and remainws friends with..He had 3 divorces, was massively unfaithful and turned out to be a narcissist. He had an excuse for everyhing. Some ppl are clever and conniving and you need evidence against them. Not worthy discussions. The point ppl are missing here who suggest talking is that most cheats are shitty people who massively disrespect others. The 'noble chat' is irrelevant and, frankly, deluded and a bit self indulgent. Wake up. The boat has sailed.

Gosh! I know we all want to be delusional because we love our family. However this is ridiculous come on!!

Yeah. Plus it's not cucumbers at school. You get given a box of purple plastic penises.

Most likely explanation is that it has transferred in from a bag / coat pocket. I think it's highly unlikely he'd have sex with someone else in your bed and even more unlikely not to check the bed afterwards!

Have either of you recently been packing/ unpacking bags in the bedroom or having a clearout? Obvs still doesn't look great if OH has bits of old condom wrapper in his sports bag/ overnight bag/ pocket but it could be from a while ago.

OP I know you don’t want to listen to anything anyone has posted on here but everything you’ve posted screams affair. All of it.

it’s absolutely not unusual for a man to bring his mistress into the marital home and shag her in the bed. It’s disgusting but it’s not unusual. He works from home and you said yourself you can’t just come home. He has the perfect opportunity.

You are obviously in denial as you seem to think checking his phone is some awful breach of boundaries as if leaving a condom wrapper in your bed isn’t that.

You may as well shut the bedroom door behind them and tell them to have fun.

Say you ask him and he says yes, he has had someone there having sex. Will you want to leave him?
If so you may as well prearrange everything you need to before you talk with him.

Condom wrappers don't put themselves in your bed.

I know that because a Frenchman told me over 30 years ago. It’s definitely a condom wrapper.

I’d go with the hidden camera so you have evidence. Posh wanks tend to be with tingly lube, not a condom.

Yes…no doubt about it.

But this is just plain weird. Why would you use condoms when visiting friends, when you don't normally, if you were embarrassed about throwing them away?

Stains on friends’ sheets or used condoms in their bedroom bin?

I don't think running around with spy cameras is a grown up way to deal with the situation. I also don't know why the OP needs additional evidence. They don't use condoms. She has found a condom wrapper in their bed. There have been changes in his behaviour. The adult thing to do is talk to him. Ask him for an explanation and see what he says. Perhaps he will confess all. Perhaps he will lie. But even though other people on this thread have suggested possible explanations, none of them are exactly likely and the OP will have her answer if her husband starts performing all kinds of verbal gymnastics to explain himself. These suggestions that the OP drive herself crazy saying nothing and pretending everything is normal while she bugs her house and plants trackers and hides cameras - I'm sorry but how is that a mature response to infidelity? The moment you feel the need to do that the marriage is over anyway so what use is evidence?

The likeliest explanation here is, unfortunately, that the OP's husband has cheated on her. She can either confront him and deal with the fallout, or she can run around like a lunatic stalking him with technology and hoping for some gotcha moment. But the gotcha has already happened. She's found the condom wrapper. Perhaps there IS some plausible explanation for it, perhaps when she speaks to him he will be honestly surprised by it and she will believe his response. But realistically she's probably caught him.

I would have been more suspicious @ThisTaupeZebra!

And have been happily married for decades

A lot of MN take the view that it is better to know the partner is having an affair without him knowing you know. That enables people to sort financials etc with the cheating partner still unsuspecting.

I see the logic - though I do sometimes wonder how many ducks have been lined in rows as a response to perfectly explicable scenarios.

sound advice

I don't know really. I'm in the fortunate position of reaching 65 and this never having happened to me.
I think it's ok to be prepared, my point was challenging all the lies and manoeuvring about it.

Yes more evidence, at least some would be helpful - I also believe she should trust her instincts & not be tempted to remain in denial, of her intuition - Just because it's simpler & more pleasant, temporarily, to be oblivious to the truth
Long term it's much kinder to face facts, & do everything within power to obtain the complete truth 💚

He’s relying on the weight of your morals and your unwillingness to believe this of him. Men
do not, as a gender, deserve the benefit of the doubt. They know that. So they rely on placing enormous moral burdens on women. If he’d found it, what would he do? And would it be justified? If an objective outsider were involved, what would they do? Check is what. You can apologise after if you are wrong. But you are allowed to check without alerting him. It’s sensible.

60 percent of relationships involve infidelity somehow. It’s rife. I got suckered by a married man once and I was astounded at how nice he was. I just couldn’t reconcile his personality with someone who would do that. No one who knew him in another context would ever believe it. I mean, I KNEW he was doing it and I couldn’t believe it! Looking back, he was not very careful. His poor wife must have been tying herself in knots not to see it. I didn’t go to his house, but his wife worked from home. He just sort of exempted infidelity from the application of his otherwise good character and expected to get away with it. If he is, it’s unlikely to take much moral give for you to be sure.

The whole ‘surely they wouldn’t come to the house in broad daylight’ view is not how he sees it. It’s his home, to use as he wishes. It’s yours too, but a bit less so in his eyes. And really, these days who’s going to notice? it’s not like everyone knows everyone anymore.

OP can challenge her husband directly to get everything out in the open.
However, this is likely to lead to separation if he is in the heat of an affair and may not be the best thing for either of them (or more importantly their children).

Married people have flings - it's not a rarity - it's far more common than people want to admit.

If it's just a short fling the marriage can still survive and move on.
If every married couple got divorced when the husband had a fling - divorce levels would be close to 90%.

My advice is to keep schtum until she figures things out for herself such as what is the best way forward for the children and her? Take the time to consider these things ahead of starting a raging argument which is likely to end in divorce and trauma for the children.

Who says he started randomly having a posh wank one day ??
He probably often does so as there is no mess & this time he happened to leave the wrapper on the bed 🤷🏻‍♀️..
There isn’t many who will bring the OW around to their house to be fair, & OP had said sheets or anything aren’t changed ..
Everything always has to be so dramatic & straight away cheating 🙄

op, my ex husband did bring his other woman to shag in our bed, so yes it is brazen and you cant dismiss that theory.

It's hilarious that you're suggesting that loads of blokes have a posh wank regularly, but hardly any blokes shag someone in the bed they share with their partner. Posh wanks are just...wank. It doesn't happen.

It's not "just the condom wrapper" - it's his behaviours too.
He has a presumably attractive female running mate who is going through a difficult divorce
OP's husband is siding with his running mate - "her husband is being a "d*ck" which suggests a certain closeness between them.
He is being extra nice to his wife recently - classical sign of guilt/covering up.

OP may have other signs that put this idea in her head too.

If he regularly used condoms for the frankly laughable "probability" you propose, she would know this and would not have asked the question on mumsnet in the first place.

I see your point about the attractive running mate alright .

He could very well be having a play using condoms so there is no mess on bed when OP goes off to work , I’m not saying everyday but when he gets the urge 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I just think if you’re having an affair would you really leave a condom wrapper on bed & no sheets or anything changed ? & what about her being seen ? What if OP landed home for some reason , or someone else landed on .
Wouldn’t like alright his new buddy who is going through divorce on the scene, I have to admit that .

Condom wrappers don't put themselves in your bed.

Oh, yes they do! They ... <scrolls up> ... get stuck to men's feet and end up under the duvet; jump out of overnight bags that haven't been unpacked for years, making a well-aimed dive under the duvet; make the same dive out of a pocket that hasn't been emptied for years; climb out of the gap under the headboard where they've been hiding since before TTC, hop over the pillow and under the duvet; tuck themselves nicely under the duvet after demonstrating bedroom condom use to a 12-year-old ...

Could be worse. I recall an OP who was satisfied the condom wrapper had blown in through the window. To be fair to that one, it hadn't actually put itself in bed but was lying around between the bed and window.

😂😂