I found this in my bed.

[Bugsandbeds]

I found this in my bed. It was under the duvet cover on my side when I got home from work this other day. I'm married. Husband works from home.

I know what I think it is but I just can't believe it.

Could it be something other than a condom wrapper? I've convinced myself it's off something else, some sort of other packet.

Years ago someone at my work went to her married lovers house and had sex in his marital bed, disgusting yes but definitely not unheard of. Even if they didn’t end up in bed she would go and have lunch there while his partner was out at work.

Going back a long time, two married colleagues were having an affair during the week. A 3rd colleague gave them the key to her house (she lived down the road) so that they could go there at lunchtime which they did on a very regular basis until his wife found out. All hell broke loose and he had to change jobs to keep his marriage - which he did of course as it was just a fling for both of them. Neither ever had any intention of breaking up their marriages/families for the other. I was in my early twenties at the time and was horrified at this arrangement. My other older female colleagues told me that it was common for married men to have flings with married women as the women are less likely to put demands on them to leave their wife etc.

Ducks in a row as quickly as possible before asking him to leave.

I'd known for a while there was something going on but didn't expect it to be cheating. It was obvious he'd checked out of family life so I'd been quietly saving and planning anyway. I just had to get everything in order once I knew for sure.

When I found out about the OW (apparently his whole family and most of our friends had known for at least a year!) I collected as much information as I could about her and their affair so he couldn't deny it

Same. Always get ducks in a row and wait till you have everything in place, if you can.

Ask. Show the evidence. Do not be gaslit.

If there's a ripped condom wrapper in your bed, it means someone has opened a condom in your bed. Either to use it, or with the intention of using it. My husband's feet wouldn't touch the ground, making excuses for him wouldn't even occur to me.

This thread has reminded me of Alan Partridge and Carol. If anyone has read Partridge's biography, you'll know what i'm talking about.

Every post like this these days seems to have a few posters like you who trot this out and I find it very manipulative.
It's like saying the poor men can't help it and don't ruin your children's lives by being so silly and splitting up because everyone's at it.

Not everyone subscribes to the open marriage movement that seems to be infesting MN these days.
Some people got married because they wanted to spend their lives with one person, forsaking all others.
They see fidelity as the baseline that underpins their relationship and one that's very easily achieved by not shagging other people.

If both parties want to sleep with others and it works for them then great but that's a mutual discussion and agreement.

This is not that, this is what looks like OP's DH having sex with someone else and OP has every right not to leave the relationship and not want to waste her like with someone who can't even keep the most basic of their vows.

And if she chooses to 'turn a blind eye' then that's also her prerogative.
But to manipulate her as if she's somehow being a bit silly for not turning a blind eye and 'ruining' her children's lives (that would be HIM that did that) smacks of misogyny. The blame is not on OP.

Incidentally, 90% of marriages do NOT involve infidelity. 🙄

OP has every right to leave the relationship

But surely people who can find that many problems with having sex, just don't have sex?!

*Bugsandbeds *Have you been able to do what a PP suggested, that is to find a near nieghbour with a camera doorbell and with the pretext of a missing parcel see if someone entered your home?

I feel for you OP. x

Some do though! My friends ex used to- she told me herself- because of the mess!

Hear hear

i feel like the using them for a posh wank was actually happening I’m pretty sure it would have been a thing he’s done for years and not just started out of no where so OP would know he does that 😫

Asked my other half and he agrees with me that this is not a push wank scenario because we., they just don't do it. You must be heartbroken OP. Please come back and at least read what others have written. Some from experience.

Yeah , well that all depends how sexually open they are with one another aswel I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

He may have done a robbery and used them to cover his fingerprints?
haven’t you seen Quadrophenia?

I’m a man - and I’m not buying it. That’s what man size tissues are for…..

Can you wait and watch for further evidence or will you find it difficult to act normally.

It doesn't mean that at all, without any further input from the OP there are many other possibilities, PPs have suggested a few already

Maybe he did have sex with someone else in the bed but there's no way for anyone to know that for sure other than him and a possible other woman

Better to have the ducks unnecessarily lined up and not need them than be financially shafted through lack of preparation imo

Yes, I'm not against that reasoning. But I still sometimes wonder how often things could have been explained. I guess the issue is the times there isn't an innocent explanation.

I also asked my boyfriend and he said he doubts the vast majority of men wank into condoms. He said he tried it once just to give it a go and never bothered again. I think the only reasonable explanation for using a condom solo is for a butt plug/anal dildo type situation because cleaning can be a bit gross, and it’s not very kind to put someone else’s bare dildo up your bum secretly 🤷‍♀️. Other than that condoms are for sex not wanking

The question I would have is, even if it was a “posh wank”, why under the covers? Wouldn’t he have just done it on top of the bed? If the wrapper was found under the duvet, it suggests that someone was in bed. Apologies if this has already been said.

Judging by the comments there are men who do it. I just think that if he was doing that it would be a normal thing he does when wanking.. my partners been wanking exactly the same for the near 15 years I’ve known him 😂