Morning. Today I am so shocked and sad. And hurt and betrayed. Sorry I don’t really know how to process this. I hope you won’t mind me trauma dumping a bit. I am sorry. I know we all have awful stuff going on. I don’t know what to do….
As I suspected, for the last month of our relationship, which has only just ended, exDP had got himself another girlfriend (poor unsuspecting woman!). I don’t know why it hurts so much! I had obviously ceased to be useful as I was so unwell. Busty wasn’t fun anymore. The woman-bot had malfunctioned I suppose.
We limped on for a bit after Xmas. I ended up cleaning his house on Xmas day (why did I do it????) because it was disgusting and he had relatives arriving the next day. I actually felt bad for THEM to have to come to such a dirty messy house. He was grateful, but after this I got the ick somewhat. I work full-time, I had all my relatives arriving on Boxing Day and had been getting my own Xmas ready. He wasn’t working! He had no job so had every day in the run up to Xmas free. He did nothing to prepare. His house was a disgrace. He hadn’t bought or wrapped any presents. Hadn’t done anything other than attend to his special interest; ingredient shopping. I had to step in a few days before and get presents delivered by Amazon, wrap them (with paper I bought!), clean and tidy his house (I did it for the DC, not for him).
Even after this he continued to let me down again and again. In Feb, I suspected he had “moved on” and in the end I said this is enough. You don’t get to ghost me after everything I’ve done for you. I was sad though.
Now I found out he had someone else!!! So the lack of contact, the ignoring my messages, the lying about him going away for the weekend when I’d tried to arrange to see him (and then it transpiring he hadn’t gone away after all). It was all very odd and hurtful. I was unwell and I was desperately trying to get better! I was trying to make myself well again so no, I wasn’t fun. It was early nights and no booze for me. And all the while he’d decided he wasn’t getting enough attention I guess, so he moved on (only didn’t have the decency to end things and tell me, just ignored me and lied to me and hoped I’d get the message!). I think this is a shameful way to treat someone you said you loved, after six years together and the amount we’ve been through! When I think of all the practical and emotional and financial support I gave him, and continued to give him even when I was unwell. And he just lied to my face when I asked why he was being so weird. He just lied and said sorry, he was just busy. (Busy with a new woman to abuse and destroy I guess).
I didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore, so why am I so upset!? Why do I feel so sad and angry? The thought of him laughing and joking and turning on the charm for this woman, while I was unwell and still trying to help him, still forgiving him for the continual promises/let downs cycle. I was clinging on and all the while he was in “new relationship mode” with someone else. I feel tossed aside like a useless rag. I gave far too much and all the while he had just gotten bored and moved on, only didn’t want the difficulty of a conversation about it!
I sent him a message last night with the woman’s name and a “really..?” He read the message and hasn’t even replied. Not even a “sorry”. Nothing at all. Which is typical of course. He avoids all difficult conversations and then usually blames the woman “oh I couldn’t talk to you, Busty, as you were clearly upset”. I’m sure that’s what he would say. Same with his ex. He dumped her out of the blue and he refused to speak to her saying she was too upset. Apparently he would storm out their house every time she tried to have a conversation with him about it. But of course he has always blamed her and said she was too emotional and he was being pressured to talk when he wasn’t ready (or some such rubbish!).
He’s been caught out now though. I was told last night by a friend. He didn’t even bother trying to hide this new relationship from our friends! It’s a terrible shock, even though in my heart I knew. I just can’t fathom how someone could do this to me, who only last week was sending messages saying he was so upset at the end of our relationship and that he loved me!! WTF?!
I feel so naive. Before him I was married for twenty years and I don’t really have any experience of anyone else. This behaviour in relationships isn’t normal to me! I should have seen it coming. I did see it coming. And yet….. 😢