H ‘gone fishing’

[Muggymcmug]

H disappeared first thing this morning muttering something about going fishing. By the afternoon I tried to call then sent a message to remind him of something we had on in a couple of hours. Eventually responded to say that he was going to be night fishing & would be back in the morning. In this weather.

On a scale of 1-absolute bullshit, he’s a massive liar isn’t he?! There has been infidelity which he would swear is over.

My cousins husband was found to be having an affair whilst claiming to be “night fishing”. He was actually hooking up ( for some occasions, long weekends) with his OW in various hotels.
My cousin just happened to find out when he forgot to take his mobile phone (normally attached to him) into the garage to pay for petrol. A message popped up on his screen banner that looked a bit suspicious and she had about 10 seconds to grasp the content before he came out the petrol station, clearly panicked because he knew his phone was within her reach.
She made him open the messages there and then and lo and behold…..a clear trail of “night fishing” deceit.
There’s little chance that this one is out night fishing in such low degrees if it’s not something he does as a firm habit. Even if he was, not answering the phone to his kids is a shitty thing to do and worth your wrath on it’s on.

Any overnight fishing in the UK this time of year is coarse fishing. Not allowed to take them, got to be returned.

Trout fisheries allow fish to be taken, but they don't allow night fishing. It's closed season for trout rivers and natural lakes (brown trout), but commercials will be open if stocked with rainbow trout.

Traditionally it is pike fishing this time of year, especially if the temperature drops. They have to be returned.

There are some large water trout fisheries that have pike sessions about now, and tickets for them can be like hens teeth. Get a last minute chance to fish one of them, and for keen pikers, it might be a drop all and go situation.

Im sorry you're going through this. My ex dh used to "pop to ScrewFix" for 2nor 4 hours at a time. I stupidly tolerated what I knindnof knew deep down alot longer than I ever should have done but after 25 years couldn't see a way out.
I am 5 years on with adult "children" and living a fabulous life.compared to my old one. Its been tough but I am happy and living a much more fulfilled life.

He on the other hand is hitting 60 with a 2 under 3s and looks haggard to buggery!!

Popping to Screwfix has become an in joke between me and the kids and few other family members.

My DP is a carp fisherman and would definitely go in cold weather but whenever he goes night fishing there's usually a couple of days prepping bait and doing incomprehensible things to equipment before he goes. I would trust your gut on this

I know when mine goes fishing as his priority is to take a thermos of tea and loads of food. What’s he eating? Seems strange to me OP. Sorry. What a knob.

Sounds fishy to me (sorry OP!) has he gone on his own? In this weather the only thing he’ll be catching is pneumonia!

Eugh mine was ‘Tesco’
would go radio silence 2-3 hours then send me a photo from Tesco which he’d obviously gone to on his way back from her house .

This. Staying isnt an option so work out what options you do have.

Oh - maybe the sea being whipped up gets the fish all riled up and nearer the surface so they're easier to catch?

Yup, I fish, and I posted above that it is pike at this time of year that could result in a drop everything and go trip.

I should have mentioned what you sort of did, that anyone who has a partner who is into specialist angling for carp or pike etc, the partner is going to know.

Cos we fishers who are so into it usually never shut up about it :-)

🤣 What I've taken from this thread is that anglers are mad!

Assume you cook and eat your catch?

When my OH goes fishing it’s like someone has robbed the garage because there’s nothing left.

Eat and cook it ?

Of course not, I put it back, gently.

Most UK waters it's illegal to keep the catch. It's theft.

That's for freshwater of course. Sea fish are often kept for the pot.

And this is another thing about us anglers that I am doing now.

Once we get started talking about it, we can't stop :-)

No it’s all returned if it’s pike or
carp

Wow - how dumb are some men?? He’s treating you and your children badly - even if he is really fishing it’s bad. I think we all suspect fishing is probably the last thing he’s doing at the moment. Only you know if it’s worth trying to save your relationship…..I’d tell him to take his hook (sorry poor joke).

Wow - how dumb are some men?? He’s treating you and your children badly - even if he is really fishing it’s bad. I think we all suspect fishing is probably the last thing he’s doing at the moment. Only you know if it’s worth trying to save your relationship…..I’d tell him to take his hook (sorry poor joke).

I'm sorry, OP.
It sounds like you would like to end the relationship anyway but are stuck on practicalities?
Why would you have to be the one to leave the family home?
Have you spoken to a solicitor? That might be a first step?
Anyone in real life to give you advice/support?

Quite a few members of my family are capable or doing equivalent and rather cold activities. However, the idea that any of them could make it out the house without loads of speculation and chat about the activity and gleeful discussion about the low temperature seems unlikely. There would also be much coat, sock and boot searching. Nearly all the thermoses would have been taken out of the cupboard and the rejects would have been left for me to put away. Various food items would have been added to the weekly shop prior to the trip. Maybe some people casually stroll out of the house for a 24hr trip in the elements, but they are probably also having affairs.

Pack his things and change the locks?

@Muggymcmug, I too would be unsettled as well as livid. A spouse who has been unfaithful and is supposed to be restoring trust does not get to take off in such a secretive way, spew a preposterous story, and then go incommunicado.

Your H is off work this week but has said zero about these plans. He suddenly left this morning and muttered about fishing but not a word about overnight, even though he knew about the other plans you’d made. He took no wellies or boots. He has blocked communication, failed to answer the children’s video call, and then turned off his phone.

It is telling that you’ve noticed things being off with him for the last few days. His clandestine actions and ridiculous story suggest that he is indeed up to something illicit. These are not the actions of a remorseful man who is serious about making amends for his infidelity. It sounds like he is secretly meeting up with OW or someone else.

He is making a mockery of your reconciliation, @Muggymcmug. I hope you can make an exit plan as soon as possible.

it is the lack of planning that’s the give away here. I’m not one for fishing nor is DH. But even I know that night fishing takes planning. Especially in this weather. If there has been no evidence of planning/organising then no trip has taken place.

What time would you usually expect him back @Muggymcmug if he really was night fishing? I would be at home as much as possible today as I would want to see how much “equipment” he removes from his car.

But you know the truth really. The OW is visiting the area and he just can’t be bothered to lie properly.

I would approach this as your best opportunity to work out what you want moving forward. Surely it’s not this?

While he is bamboozled by his OW, make it clear that you know and that you don’t care. Rise above it and give yourself time to work out what is best for you and the dc.

I don't know where you are but we have snow this morning. Night fishing would have been grim. Maybe he cut a little hole in the frozen water....

i think that's a given !!

If he's really fishing I feel like that will be obvious when he returns. If he pops back looks clean and fresh then no chance.

I’d pack a bag for him and leave it on the doorstep. Let him worry about homelessness.